Chapter Sixteen
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Britney left and headed into the city with her bodyguard.  Justin and Chris headed for Planet Hollywood where they signed autographs and revealed a new t-shirt design to be sold with proceeds to go to their charity.  The appearance ended up taking longer than they thought it would.  Justin got through it, barely, just by breathing deeply and thinking of Britney.  They took pictures, signed autographs and mixed with fans and celebrities for several hours.  It was an hour before show time when they arrived at the theater where the Icon tribute would take place.  After Chris dressed, he left the room for a little while so Justin could dress.  Justin hung out in the dressing room, waiting for Britney but his palms had begun to sweat and he needed some air.

Justin left the dressing room, not leaving a note for Chris about where he was going.  He just wanted to get some air and then to find a quiet, dark, corner where he could just be alone and breathe.  He was glad he didn't have to perform but it seemed that this time, at least, just getting on stage was an equally frightening thought.  As he was walking around backstage, a young woman, carrying a clipboard, ran right into him, almost knocking him and a light over.

The woman dropped her clipboard in the process of trying to keep Justin and the light from crashing to the ground.  As she grabbed Justin's arm, she realized who he was and started apologizing profusely, picking up the things she'd dropped.  Justin replied, "No, don't worry about it.  You didn't do it on purpose.  I'm just glad we saved the light."

Her big blue eyes had recognition in them but to Justin, she only seemed familiar.   He was at a loss as to why.  She swallowed and quietly said, "Justin, you don't remember me, do you?"

He shook his head though he thought he'd met her before.  It was impossible for him to remember, having met thousands of pretty blondes in the last few years.  "I'm sorry.  I don't.  Have we met?" he said, wishing he didn't have to ask.

"We met in Berlin, Germany, a couple years ago at a Meet & Greet.  I gave you something," she said, hopefully.

Justin forgot the anxiety that was eating at his stomach at that moment.  His mouth dropped open and he stuttered, "Uh, God, I can't believe this.  Yes, I do remember you.  I still have what you gave me."

He pulled the little blue heart out of his pocket and held it out to her.  She took it from him and looked it over, with a huge smile on her face.  He just grinned at her like he was in shock.  "I've used that thousands of times, just like you told me to, especially that first year in Europe and now when I'm really nervous or worried," he said and then paused.

She had a tear falling down her face as she said, "I always wondered if you kept it or just threw it away."

He couldn't stand it anymore and scooped her up into a big bear hug, saying, "I've wondered about you a lot."

After he stepped back, he said, "I've always wondered what your name was.  In my head, I always called you Heidi because of the pigtails you wore."

The girl said, "My name is Jenny.  I can't believe you remember me!"

"I remember everything about meeting you, right down to your blue eyes.  You couldn't have known but that day we talked, I was having a hard time.  I was homesick and missed my family.  I was exhausted and didn't feel good.  When you defied the bodyguards and slapped that agate in my hand, I was, like, in awe of you.  Then you said the sweetest words and I knew that, somehow, you understood some of what I was feeling!  You didn't act crazy like fans normally do and I have always remembered your eyes.  Wondering about you....and throwing my anxiety and worry into that little blue heart, though it seems small now, was a huge thing to me then," Justin said, the emotion evident in his voice.

"What are you doing here in New York?" Justin said, frowning, and swallowing the lump in his throat.

Jenny smiled and said, "I'm here on an exchange program with my college.  I'm interning here at MTV.  I can't believe this."

"Wow!  Me either," Justin said, taking her in his arms again as she cried.  "I was just talking about you a week ago.  Seeing you now is pretty much like fate or something, especially now with what has been going on with me."

She stepped back and wiped her tears.  "Why?  What's going on with you?"

"My life is crazy," he said, feeling the butterflies start again.  Jenny noticed the way he was rubbing his stomach and tenseness of his jaw.

Jenny handed the agate back to him.  "I'm sure it is.  You guys are like the biggest thing since the Beatles!" she said.

Jenny had kept track of *NSYNC's career and working at MTV, she understood the enormity of *NSYNC's success.  Incredible pressure had been placed on Justin since he was a kid, not by his parents, but by music industry people in general.  She'd known that when she met him in Germany and she could tell it was still so now.  She saw that he hadn't put the agate away and seemed a bit distant now.  She had also noticed that he was trembling as he'd taken the agate back.  "Justin, why don't you follow me, ok?"

He followed her as she walked deeper into the backstage area to a room.  She closed the door behind them after he followed her in.  The room was lit only by candles and had mellow blues playing on the stereo.  There was no noise other than the music and a water fountain bubbling in the corner.

"What is this?" Justin said, looking at Jenny.

"It's a quiet room.  It's actually for Janet Jackson, but we don't think she's going to use it because she wants to see the show.  You're so tense, Justin.  Sit here," she said as she sat and patted the sofa next to her.

Taking another deep breath and sitting down slowly, Justin said, "I just feel sick."

Jenny noticed him still clutching the agate and she smiled at him warmly.  "Just don't think about any of that.  Forget about what's happening tonight and just concentrate on the darkness, the flickering candles, the sound of the water and the music.  Just breathe and relax," she said softly.

Justin glanced over at her and smiled.  "Are you trying to hypnotize me or something?" he said.

Jenny just smiled.  "I just know a little bit about this.  Close your eyes and breathe deep and slow, ok?"

Justin did as he was told.  He felt her crawl behind him and pull his jacket off his shoulders and down his arms.  "Just relax, I'm only taking your jacket off."

He felt her hands begin to rub his shoulders and neck.  It wasn't like any massage he'd ever had.  Her hands were strong and she seemed to be focusing them on his tensest areas.  He almost moaned out loud but caught himself and just rolled his eyes back in his head while whispering, "Jenny, that's so nice."

She continued to rub his shoulders and neck with one hand and put the other hand in between his shoulder blades.  He instinctively sat up straighter, tensing up a bit again.  "Relax.  Just trust me, ok?  Keep taking slow, deep, breaths," she said softly, as she ran one hand up to the base of his neck, further up the back of his head and then back down, seeming to pull any stress out.

As she kept her hand between his shoulder blades, stroking his back through his shirt, Justin concentrated on just emptying his mind and body of all the thoughts that plagued him.  He silently wished that all fans were like Jenny...kind, quiet, sweet and undemanding.  As if picking up on his thoughts, Jenny, said, almost whispering, "You're too young to have this kind of anxiety.  Just let it go.  Not everyone wants a piece of you, they just want to love you and show their love.  Even the most demanding fan, deep down, just loves you.  Actually, they are mostly more like I am.  Are you leery of me?"

Justin, incredibly relaxed already, snickered, "No, not at all."

She continued her magical touch in silence.  Justin felt something akin to sexual pleasure, but more spiritual, and he let it overtake his body and mind.  A few minutes later, she said, "That's good, keep doing the deep breathing."

"I think it's time for you to go join Chris and Britney," Jenny said a few minutes later, unable to resist sliding her arms around his shoulders and just holding him to her.  She calmly stroked his cheek with her hand.  "I'm so glad I could help you again.  I can't tell you how glad I am that you remember the meaning of that stone."

She felt him begin to tense up again and held him tighter.  "Focus your energy on positive thoughts.  Pick out some calm girl in the audience and concentrate on her.  You'll actually see that most of them aren't hysterical," she said against his ear.

"I just want to stay here," she heard Justin whisper.

She let go of him and crawled off the sofa, facing him as he stood.  He looked sleepily at her and said, "Wow, I'm like lightheaded.  You've cast some kind of spell on me, haven't you Jenny?"

She smiled and opened the door.  "Just remember what I said.  Knock them dead, ok?  By the way, I've seen the video for Janet and just let me be the first to tell you, it's the best tribute of them all," Jenny said as Justin took a deep breath, grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

They walked slowly out toward the stage and Justin stopped behind an opening in one of the curtains.  He closed his eyes and let a deep breath out.  Jenny stood close by as she nodded at him.  She saw by the tentative way he reached his hand out to the curtain, that he was struggling.  As he parted it to look out, he breathed deeply and scanned the auditorium.  His eyes found Britney, sitting with Chris, looking around, probably for him.  His sharp intake of air, made Jenny look too.  She saw Britney sitting there and saw the look of love in Justin's eyes as he stared at her.  "Keep breathing and go sit with your girl, ok?" Jenny said.

Justin looked at her before giving her another hug.  "Thank you once again, Jenny.  Now that I know your name and where to find you, I'm sure I'll talk to you again."

Jenny watched him walk away, his head down.  His stride was a little freer and his shoulders a little less rigid.  She smiled and made her way to her seat for the evening as Justin did the same.

As he walked up, Britney walked toward him and said, "I was worried sick.  Where have you been?"

"I ran into an old friend and we had a nice talk," he said, still feeling relatively calm as he concentrated on Britney's eyes.  "I'm just glad you are here with me.  Chris is a nice date and all but he's not quite as cute as you are."

Chris grunted as he continued to play his hand held video game.

Britney glanced over Justin's face and ran her hands over his shoulders.  "You seem very calm, baby," she said, smirking.  "Just what happened with this old friend?"

Justin smiled at her, his sunshine smile, the one she saw rarely these days.  He seemed younger and happier than he had for a long time.  Glancing around for unwanted attention, Britney did what popped into her head as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Then they both sat down, holding hands, and waited for the show to begin.

When it came time for Chris and Justin to go backstage, Justin leaned over and whispered in Britney's ear, "I'll be looking at you because I love you.  Send good thoughts."

**********

As Chris and Justin walked on stage, the first person Justin's eyes searched for was Britney.  She smiled and blew him a kiss.  He could almost feel her soft kiss land on his lips as he scanned the crowd.  His eyes locked on Jenny's as she stood right in front of the stage and waved.  He gave her a smile, one of relief and gratitude.  He glanced at Janet, stunning as always, and felt her warmth and her love.  As he and Chris launched into their schtick and introduction, he concentrated on the audience and his three focal points.  It was a mercifully short introduction and flowed smoothly.  Later, after if was over, he would reflect on how right Jenny was.  Most of the fans were not frothing at the mouth and grabbing at him.  They smiled, they clapped, they yelled and he felt their love.  And Jenny was right about another thing.  Their video was one of the biggest hits of the night.

As he joined Britney afterwards, she enveloped him in a tight hug and said, "I'm so proud of you.  I could tell you were nervous but no one else could."

"It went okay," Justin said, smiling and holding Britney close.  "My stomach was in knots, but I think, with a little time, I'll be okay again."

Britney said, "I have no doubt," and kissed him, right there, in sight of fans and everyone.  Justin returned her kisses, smiling against her lips, saying, "You're gonna get hate mail tomorrow, you know."

Britney pulled away, still holding his hands.  "It doesn't matter, J. Like you always say, we shouldn't have to live our lives as if we are afraid of what people think," she said as she rubbed her lipstick off his lips.

Chris voiced a hasty goodbye, leaving them to their own devices, so he could go party with some college buddies who'd attended the show too.  As Justin and Britney left to attend the after party, Justin noted that things seemed a little brighter and he couldn't wait to get back to Orlando to start really planning the tour.  He knew he still had a ways to go in dealing with the anxiety, but he had found a way to help himself get through it and that in itself was a huge relief.

As they jumped into a limo waiting for them and he sat next to Britney, Justin noticed a package the shape of a bottle of wine sitting on the seat across from him.  Attached to it, was a little envelope.  "What's this?" he said, as he looked at Britney.

"Open it," she said.  "Maybe it's from Johnny."

Justin opened the little card and read it to himself.  It said, "I know you did well.  I saw you on TV.  I'm proud of you, Justin.  Love, Breana."

He put the card back in the little envelope and stuffed it in his pocket as Britney said, "Who is it from?"

"Trace.  Just congratulating us on the remake," he said, glancing at Britney, trying to not betray how the note had disturbed him.

As he looked out at the New York skyline, Justin considered calling Breana to thank her for the wine, but felt uncomfortable doing it in Britney's presence.  The gesture of sending the wine was nice enough but the "love, Breana" part stuck in his mind and brought her blue-green eyes into his thoughts.  Britney was holding his hand and talking about the lights while Justin's mind wandered back to the time he'd spent with Breana at his house over the previous week.  The confusing thoughts that had pestered him since the night at JC's house and at different times since then, began their usual barrage on his mind.  He sighed loudly and Britney turned to look at him.

"Are you alright, babe?" she said with concern and put her arm around his shoulders, drawing him into a hug.

He nodded and laid his head on her shoulder wondering just what this all meant to his relationship with Britney.

Stay tuned for the sequel, "Too Blind to See", coming soon!