Chapter Eleven
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He heard her slam the bedroom door as he gingerly made his way up the stairs.  He shook his head, trying to dislodge the feelings that were coursing through his blood and the pictures of her body underneath him playing in his head.  His breath, still ragged, was slowly returning to normal as he paused outside his bedroom door.  He said, "Baby, what happened?"

"Go away, Justin," he heard her say angrily.

"I'm not going away, Brit.  I'm coming in," he said, turning the doorknob and pushing the door open.

His eyes found her sitting on his bed with her legs crossed, Indian style.  Her fingers were kneading her forehead, like she'd do when she was deep in thought.  She didn't even look up as he sat beside her.  "Brit?  Why did you dump me on the floor?" he asked, confused.

"You don't know?" she asked accusingly as she looked at him now.

Justin reached for her hand but she pulled it away and looked at him, annoyed.  Her normally soft, chocolate brown eyes were snapping with fire now and Justin didn’t know why.   "WHAT?" he asked, getting irritated too.

Britney looked at him like he had grown devil horns.  "We’ve talked about this so many times before, Justin," was all she said as she squinted at him.

Justin said, "What exactly are we talking about here?  I mainly want to know why you threw me on the floor?"

Britney continued to glare at him.  Justin shifted under her hot glare, frowning, and added, "I love you, Brit, I was just showing you.  I thought you wanted me to."

"Why would you think I changed my mind, J?  I’ve always been the same," she said, sadly.

His mouth dropped open and he said, "Brit, maybe I was dreaming, but I don’t think I was.  Don’t you remember where your hand was just seconds before I was lying on the floor?" he asked incredulously.

Britney blinked a few times and nodded her head, "I know," she said softly as she bowed her head.

Justin persisted, "Well?  You are the one who bumped it up a notch, Britney."

Britney looked at him now, with her eyes searching his, and said, "THIS is why I don’t visit.  THIS is why I stay in California.  I have to stay away from you.  I’m afraid of what you’ll talk me into, if I don't."

"I don’t believe you just said that.  ME?  I’ve never forced you into anything," Justin said, getting pissed off again.  "And I can't believe you'd rather be apart."

"You’ve been pushing since I got here, Justin.  And believe it or not, I have a hard time resisting when you are pushing.  Just stop, okay?  I’m not ready for sex with you or anyone.  I’ve got too many plates spinning in the air and I think sex would split my focus," she said, her voice thick with emotion and her eyes shining with confusion.  "Besides, I thought we agreed to wait?"

Justin rolled his eyes and mumbled, "We did.  Your actions tonight said otherwise."

Justin lay on his side beside where she was sitting.  He reached out and softly rubbed her shoulder.  She looked at his eyes, which really were the windows to his soul.  They were stormy and dark.  "I just want you so bad, baby.  I can’t help it.  I miss you when you’re gone.  I want to crawl up inside you and never come out," he said softly, playing with her hair.

Britney shot him a look that spoke loudly of her mutual longing for him, but with fear, anger and confusion mixed in.  She continued to glare at him as she got up off the bed and grabbed her cell phone.  Justin watched as she dialed a number and said into the phone, "Hi Theresa, I know it's late, but I need a flight out of Orlando as soon as possible.  I'm sorry for waking you up but I need to get out of here.  I'm going back to LA."  There was a pause while unspoken feelings shot between Justin and Britney while she waited.  She turned from him and said, "Three hours?  Ok, book it.  Thank you, Theresa."

Britney slapped the phone shut and looked at Justin.  He sat up and said, "You're leaving anyway?  Come on!  I don't believe this!"

Justin was mad now as he got up off the bed and moved toward Britney.  When he got close, she stepped back and said, "Yes.  I'm going back to LA tonight.  I need some space and you're not allowing me room to think or even breathe, right now."

"Running away, are we?" he smirked as he stepped closer, his angry eyes raking over her.  She tried to walk around him but he blocked her exit.

She looked up and could see the anger in his eyes as he reached out and grabbed her shoulders, trying to make her stop moving.  She struggled a bit but stopped as he hugged her to him, stroking her hair with one hand.  He leaned his face into her neck and she could feel his breath tickling her ear.  She was having trouble breathing due to the force with which he'd taken her in his arms.  His hot breath, scruffy chin and even the feel of his eyelashes blinking against her neck, made her sigh and she gingerly slid her arms around his body, reveling in the way he felt.

"Please stay.  I can keep you warm at night, baby.  I know you get cold.  I won't do anything else.  Please, don't leave," he begged her, still whispering softly against her neck.

Britney broke the contact with him and stepped back, holding her hands out in front of her to separate them.  She lost the battle she was having with herself and glanced at his face.  His sad eyes just looked back at her own.  His lips were pursed together and he backed up, angry again, almost sneering at her, saying, "Ok, I'm getting the signals loud and clear, Britney.  Go ahead and run off to Lala land!  Try to forget what just almost happened.  Try to forget how it felt.  Make me the bad guy.  Big, mean, Justin forced my hand down his pants.  Keep telling yourself that, Brit!"

With that, Justin backed out the door and left.  Britney could hear him downstairs and then the door slammed, rattling the windows even up in his bedroom.  She rushed over to the window and saw him look up at her before he disappeared inside his car.  The mixture of hurt and anger in his blue eyes made her want to cry.  How had things gone wrong so quickly?

Britney sat down on the bed as a tear fell down her cheek.  Justin had always been a gentleman, never pushing her very hard.  How he was lately, didn't seem all that different.  Maybe he was a little more persistent, but she attributed his recent neediness to the anxiety and his general run-down state.  She knew she had led him on today and she felt awful at her accusatory manner and angry words.

Justin didn't know where to go, so he just drove.  He drove around for an hour before pulling up to JC's house.  He knew JC would be asleep at this time of night but he didn't want to go back to his house.  JC's house was completely dark, but Justin used his key and let himself in.  He noticed JC's car in the garage and checked the fridge for food.  It was almost 3 AM and he hadn't eaten since the Chinese food they had at noon.  He heard the front door open, so he grabbed a bottle of water and headed back to the front to see who had walked in.

Fully expecting it to be JC or Bobbi, JC's girlfriend, he stopped in his tracks as he saw Britney standing in the foyer.  "Britney?  Why are you here?" he whispered and then took a drink of water from the bottle he was still holding.

Britney just looked at him for a moment, watching as he twisted the lid of the bottle back and forth and returned her stare.  She shook her head and marveled at the way he could even get to her just standing there, chewing on his bottom lip.  She'd been thinking about what happened since he stormed out and she wanted to try to smooth things over before she left.  "Let's go outside, please, Justin?" she whispered, not wanting to wake up JC.  Justin nodded and followed her out the door.

She had the rented sportscar parked by Justin's car, so they walked in that direction.  She glanced at him before she started to say anything.  He was just looking at the ground as he walked, his eyes downcast, and his lips pouting like they did when he was upset.  She put her hand on his arm and stopped walking.  He let her stop him and turned to look into her eyes.  "I'm sorry for leaving in a snit," he said.  "I was angry."

Britney put her finger over his lips and said, "Shhh...Don't apologize.  I'm sorry for leading you on tonight.  I obviously lost my mind for a minute."

Justin could see the blush on Britney's face even with just the streetlights to illuminate her face.  He wasn't going to forget the way she had touched him that night.  Ever.  It was what he craved.  He closed his eyes and sighed.  "I love you, Britney," was all he said.

"I'm going back to LA in about 2 hours.  Will you please take me to the airport?" she said and stepped closer, sliding her arms around his waist and burying her face against his shoulder.  It was the best feeling in the world and she hated to leave him.  She couldn't stop the tears that fell onto his shoulder.  "I'm sorry for crying on you.  God!  I'm a mess," she said as she wiped her eyes and leaned back against his car.

Justin looked unsure of what he should do as he watched her closely.  "I don't want you to go, but if you want me to, I will definitely take you to the airport.  All you have to do is ask," he said, his eyes turning from angry to soft right before Britney's eyes.  This boy... this man she loved never ceased to amaze her.

She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, saying, "I knew you would.  I love you so much.  I know I've only been here a short time, but I think we could both use some time to think."

She leaned in and kissed his lips softly, watching his eyes close as she did.  She cupped his cheek and waited for him to open his eyes again before saying, "I'm sorry for dumping you on the floor too.  I didn't really think about anything except getting off that sofa.  Did I hurt you?"

The smirk she thought was so sexy spread across Justin's lips slowly as he said, "Only my pride."

"I'm not punishing you, Justin.  I hope you know that, at least.  I'm not leaving to hurt you.  I'd never do that," she said.

Justin kissed her nose and glanced at his watch.  "I know.  Let's go.  It's getting late," he said.

Her flight had just started to board as they arrived at the gate.  The place was close to deserted so Justin walked her right to the counter instead of saying goodbye in the shadows somewhere.  He engulfed her in a huge, tight bear hug and whispered into her ear, "I'll miss you like crazy.  Call me anytime."

He buried his face in the curve of her neck, the soft scent of honeysuckles filling his mind.  He pressed his lips to her throat and covered it with a few soft feathery kisses, before finishing with the long, slow, lazy kiss he left on her lips.  She reached up and softly ran her hand over the stubble on his head and he sighed as he planted another quick kiss on her cheek.

They separated and Justin watched Britney walk down the ramp.  She turned around again to wave and he sent her off with his biggest sunshine-filled smile, and then watched her disappear around the corner.  He closed his eyes and sighed again.  It was 5 AM, his stomach was growling and he still had to drive home.  He opened his eyes to find the ticket attendant watching him closely.  "It's never easy saying goodbye, is it, Mr. Timberlake?" she asked with a kind smile and then laughed at his reaction.

"You know who I am?" Justin said with surprise, glancing around.

The woman just smiled again and said, "Just because it's five in the morning doesn't make you any less noticeable."

Justin just blinked at her, not knowing if she was coming on to him or just being nice.  He smiled and began to back away, saying, "I guess I should go.  Thank you," before turning and trudging to his car.

It was long drive home and a longer night lay ahead, even if it was 5 AM.  Britney took with her any hope Justin had that he'd sleep that night.  As he stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed, he reached for her pillow and buried his face in it, surrounding himself in honeysuckles.  If anything, maybe Britney would be there in dreamland to lend a helping hand again.

He tossed and turned, thinking about everything that was happening in his life and the events of the day.  He swore to himself that his heart literally ached as he thought of her going back to LA so soon.  It was only a few hours later when he got out of bed and pulled on a pair of blue jeans and t-shirt.  It was too quiet and empty in his room.  As he backed his Harley out of the garage, he zipped up the leather jacket Britney had gotten him the previous Christmas.  He strapped on his helmet and started the bike up.  He didn't rev the motor much due to the early hour.

He pulled up at JC's house a little over 20 minutes later and cut the motor.  He knew JC wouldn't even get up that day, since it was a free day, and he knew Bobbi was probably out of town.  Justin didn't feel like being alone so even if JC was sleeping, he was at least still there.  As he walked into the house, Justin laid his helmet and coat on the chair and threw his shoes behind the chair.  He lay down on JC's sofa and prayed for sleep to claim him.

* * * * * *

A loud bang roused Justin not three hours later and he awoke to gaze around JC's living room for the cause.  He couldn't see anyone or anything but he heard what sounded like JC cussing in the kitchen.  Justin wanted to let JC know he was there, so he pulled himself off the sofa and stretched as he went towards the kitchen.  He walked around the corner to find JC cooking something on the stove.  JC jumped a little at the sight of Justin and said, "What are you doing here?"

Justin shrugged and mumbled, "Britney went back to LA a few hours ago."

Justin turned around and left JC staring after him wondering what the hell happened.  JC turned off the stove and followed Justin to the living room.  Justin had lain down on the sofa again playing with the little blue heart he'd carried around as long as JC could remember.  "What happened?" JC asked as he stood over Justin.

"She says I pushed a little too hard," Justin said as his sad eyes rested on JC.  "She says she needs room to breathe so now she's got 3000 miles, doesn't she?  And I'm sleeping on your sofa because the silence is deafening in my room."

"What do you mean by 'pushed a little too hard', J?" JC asked, frowning.

Justin had a guilty look on his face as he sat up.  "Let's just say, hormones, ok?  Do I have to spell it out?" Justin said as he left JC standing there and disappeared into the bathroom.

JC just closed his eyes and silently thanked God that he was past all the 'should we or shouldn't we' situations.  He admired Justin for sticking with it for so long and staying true to Britney, even though JC knew Justin had the raging hormones of a normal 20-year-old male.  He knew that was why Justin stayed away from the club scene.  It was rich with temptation anyway, but multiplied tenfold for celebrities.  *NSYNC was famous for loving the club life and Justin used to lead the pack, but he had changed his ways for Britney.  Now JC just wished Joey would slow down.

Justin walked up behind him and said, "So what should I do, C?"

JC turned around and chuckled at Justin's question.  "I don't have a clue.  I know both of you and I can't give you sex advice, Justin."

"I don't want THAT kind of advice," Justin said, pausing, and added, "Well, maybe I do..."

"That's between you and Brit.  I can't get involved here.  Why don't you talk to Dr. Gallagher?" JC said, hoping Justin wouldn't persist.  It made him uncomfortable talking about this stuff when it concerned two of his oldest friends.  "Maybe she has some insight from the female prospective?"

Justin squinted at him and said, "I know I don't feel comfortable talking about this with her."

JC shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, Justin.  I don't think I'm the one to talk to about this.  I think it might be easier for you to talk to someone who doesn't know you OR Britney very well.  Give Dr. Gallagher a call."

Justin looked down at his feet and JC noticed the pouty look.  "Stop pouting.  I'm going to bed.  Don't wake me up or I'll...." JC mumbled as he stopped in the kitchen and grabbed his grilled cheese sandwich, and then walked back toward his bedroom.

Justin rolled his eyes and glanced at his watch.  Breana would be at the office by now, so he looked her number up and dialed.  The receptionist sounded harried as she answered.  Justin asked to speak to Dr. Gallagher to which the woman replied, "And can I tell her who is calling?"

Justin stopped breathing while his mind scrambled for a name to give her.  "Tell her it's..." he started to say but the lady spoke over him.

"Is this you, Mr. Timberlake?" the woman asked, in a low whisper.  "She's been expecting your call.  Hold please."

Breana answered and said, "Justin?"

"Yeah, I like the whispering receptionist trick, Doc," Justin said.  "How did you know I'd be calling?"

"Well, after last night, I thought you'd probably want to chat," Breana said.

She heard Justin sigh on the other end.  "You don't know the half of it, Doc," he said sadly.

"Well, I'd rather not talk over the phone, face to face is best.  You cannot come here because there are news trucks and reporters all over the place.  It's a circus," Breana said.

"Why don't you just come here?" Justin offered.  "I'm at JC's."

Breana asked for the address, which Justin provided and told him she'd see him after her patients were gone, later in the day.  As Justin hung up the phone, he looked for and found a pen to write JC a note about Breana coming over that evening.  He taped it to the bathroom door and laid back down on the sofa.  He was out cold in a matter of minutes.  Justin was far past being just tired, but his brain was still tormenting him with the same images that had haunted his dreams for weeks.

JC awoke much later in the day and found Justin's note.  He walked quietly into the living room to check on Justin and found his friend still asleep on his sofa.  JC leaned over and noticed Justin was mumbling against the pillow and was making swatting motions with his hand, as if slapping something.  He was also trembling even though he had two blankets pulled up to his chin.  It was past noon and JC wondered if Justin had been sleeping fitfully like this for all this time.  JC went to the bathroom and got some pills that had been prescribed for him for sleep.  He grabbed a glass of water and sat it on the table, while he tried to wake Justin up.  He'd just give him one of these sleeping pills and maybe that would help him sleep.

"Justin.  Justin, wake up," he said, but Justin was a deep sleeper, and was barely acknowledging JC's voice.  JC yelled "HEY!"

This woke Justin up as he glanced at JC with his eyes still squinting. "WHAT THE HELL?" he said hoarsely.

"Here, take this.  Maybe it'll help you sleep without dreams," JC said as he handed Justin the pill and a glass of water.  Justin didn't fight him and drank the glass empty before laying his head down again. He looked so vulnerable and sad as he fell back asleep.  JC rolled his eyes and went back to bed.