By Justin Johnson
Yes, it's wrong. Not going to class is just plain dirty. There are times that you feel awful about not going to class, especially when you remember that you had a test on one of those choice days. You're probably gonna go to hell, and it's a given that you're headed down a road that will lead you straight to dropout city.
Well, that's what your parents and teachers say. That's what my parents and teachers said. Don't tell anyone I told you this, but the truth is, they are right. If you go to class, chances are you probably will pass. Why? Mainly because you will actually know the test dates, what classes you are in, and what times you are supposed to be there.
However, there are times when you simply have no motivation or desire to go to your classes. I have this feeling a lot. I, unlike a lot of us, make myself go. I can just hear my mom telling me right now that I shouldn't have to make myself go, that I should want to go to class. Well, yea, the classes that I like I have no problem going to. It's the classes that I don't like that I have to force myself to go to. Sleeping in sometimes seems like the perfect alternative to going to class, so if you are going to do it, you should probably have a good excuse.
Now, I must warn you. Rumor has it that professors have picked up on our vast assortment of ingenious reasons for not going to class, and it seems they no longer will believe you if you give the wrong excuse. So, I'm here to help you. I'm here to retire 10 of the most common excuses once and for all. I am here to keep you from being told that no, you are not getting to make up that exam, and that when push comes to shove, your professor will not think that you are full of BS.
Here are ten excuses that will now get you nowhere.
Dead Excuse #1. "My car broke down." Now, back in the day this was a good one. It could be conceived that you perhaps had no way of getting to class because you simply lived too far away. Now, unless you commute from over 10 miles away, this doesn't work anymore. Why? Simply put, if you really wanted to go to class you could get there. You could walk, hitch a ride, get a taxi, borrow a car, or ride your bike. What do you say to that? Uh....umm......errr....Congrats, you are officially busted.
Dead Excuse #2. "My Grandma died." When we were on the honor system, this one used to work. Professors now make you bring in a funeral notice or have the funeral home call in and say that yes, in fact, your grandma did die before they will excuse you. Sad, huh? It was such a good excuse. Generally, you usually have around 2 grandparents, so if you go ahead and use your two grandmas up for random excuses, what are you going to do in the chance that they actually do die? Scary.
Dead Excuse #3. "My alarm didn't go off." This used to work. Now you are expected to always be on top of things, and after you use this excuse in the same class more than once, your professor simply suggests that you get a new alarm clock and disregards your excuse.
Dead Excuse #4. "I thought class was canceled." If you want to make a professor laugh, use this one. This is not a good one to use, especially if you have one of those professors that hasn't missed a day of work since 1980. Most professors are competent enough to remember if they canceled thier class or not, and so, don't use it.
Dead Excuse #5. "I had a doctor's appointment, but I forget to get an excuse while I was there." Unless your teacher is forgiving, what will make them believe that you are being honest, and they will assume that you are lying and say that you can take that essay version of the test the same day as the final. Crap, you're done for. However, if you can forge your doctor's handwriting and have mastered a random skill like that, more power to you.
Dead Excuse #6. "I thought that this class was on Tuesday and Thursday." This one is for the desperate and weak. I have heard it used before though, and well, it is a sad attempt. When you registered for class , you found out that day what time and days you had class. If you use this excuse, you seriously deserve to not get an excused absence.
Dead Excuse #7. "I could have sworn Spring Break was two weeks long this year." Yes, it would be awesome if Spring Break were two weeks long, but we all know that it is only one week. You won't ever get away with this one, and if you do or did, tell me what teacher it was so I will be sure to sign up for their class. I'm serious.
Dead Excuse #8. "I had to get advised." Hmm....If the only time you could possibly get advised is during class, you have it made. Unfortunately, professors don't buy it and you should find your excuse elsewhere. Especially don't use this excuse if it is say, September. That would be bad.
Dead Excuse #9. "My previous class ran over." Hahah. Yea right. If you are anything like the average college student, two minutes over time in a class and you quietly get up and walk out. Professors know that class is almost over as soon as you start making the "it's time to leave" noise while you are shuffling your papers and putting your book in your backpack.
Dead Excuse #10. "Traffic was backed up for miles." If this was Georgia State or UGA, maybe. However, this is GSU, and it simply won't cut it. Yea, there is sometimes traffic in Statesboro, but not enough to make you an hour late for class. Try to be a little more creative at least, maybe add a 14 pile car up into that excuse. Don't use anything outlandish though, because don't you think that a 14 pile car up collision in Statesboro you would probably read about in the Statesboro Herald? Yes, probably so. If you were the only one to see it, your teacher might not believe you.
So, there we have it. Use your head, and don't use any of the excuses above. They don't work anymore. If you must skip class, put some thought into your excuses. Professors might not believe you regardless of your excuse, but at least give them a run for their money. If you are going to play the game, at least play it well.
