With "Seinfeld" ending in 1998, poor 'ol Kramer will be out of a job. His years of mooching off Jerry are over with, and it's time to enter the real world. Feeling sorry for the tall guy, we came up with this resume to help Kramer with possible job opportunities. Anyone have a job for television’s favourite sidekick?

EDUCATION

Several decades in the School of Life.


PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

CEO, Kramerica Industries. Visionary leader behind a future Fortune 500 company that manufactures spill-proof bladders for oil tankers, using children’s bouncing balls. Hired and trained a staff of one.

Chicken Trainer. Independently bought and trained fowl for competition on the underground cock-fighting circuit. Coached the highly successful "Little Jerry," whose peck is "hotter than a chili in tequila sauce."

Underwear Model, Calvin Klein. Billed as the "embodiment of the under-average man," I posed and performed in a nationwide underwear marketing campaign. Sense of fashion and style provided an opportunity to consult for the very talented Miss Rhode Island.

Author, The Coffee Table Book About Coffee Tables. Presented by Pendant Publishing. Wrote a nationally-acclaimed book about coffee tables, and designed the book as a table itself. Contract included television appearances, where coffee was spat at Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford. The book now appears in ten languages, with eight different styles of wooden legs.

Tony-Winning Producer, Scarsdale Surprise. Promoted from seat-filler to the helm of an award-winning Broadway show. Responsibilities focused solely on personnel relations, and the firing of the cantankerous leading lady, Raquel Welch.

Santa Claus. Played Kris Kringle during the holidays at a local department store. Children’s kind remarks included "tall, weird-looking" as well as my personal favourite, "acting in a manner consistent with someone on hallucinogenic drugs."

Host, The Merv Griffin Show. Successfully resurrected the late-night program in my apartment, using no equipment, no audience, and no guests. Show received highest ratings in its time slot and valuable age 18-49 demographic.


SPECIAL TALENTS

Acting. Roles ranging from stand-ins to one-line cameos on "All My Children" and "Murphy Brown." Noted for my unique body spasms which emphasize dialogue, as well as my trademark saying, "Giddy up."

Politics. Unsuccessful bid at Retirement Complex President, in Pensacola, Florida. Learned much about marketing, public relations manipulation, and influence of special interests.

Foolery. Expert in the art, and its many nuances and forms. Instruct several people daily on its application, and constantly look to improve the techniques.

References, although scarce, are available upon request.