J.P. Catalogue
"I think I can sum up this show for you with one word: Nothing!" - George Costanza, speaking to the heads of NBC about their sitcom proposal
"You know, revulsion has now become a valid form of attraction" - Elaine, on fashion
Mr. J. Peterman regrets to inform his valued customers that the J.P. Catalog items are presently out-of-stock. He wishes to apologise for an inconvenience caused!
"I suppose you think you're bomb-able?" - Jerry to George on why he doesn't get letter bombs
"Why don't you just show up at her house in a wooden horse?" - Jerry, regarding George's dating strategies
Since olden days of yore, Pirates - or as they prefer to be called, sea-struck entrepreneurs - have worked diligently to better themselves. And their secret? - Their style. Because presentation is half the battle, the Puffy Shirt is the only way to go. Whether pillaging a small country or just spending a night on the town, the Puffy Shirt says, "Yes, I'm bad - but don't kids today say bad when they really mean good?"
Sizes: Puffy, Extra-Puffy, Offensively-Puffy
Price: $69.95
"She had man hands, the hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek mythology. She was like part woman, part horrible beast." - Jerry, regarding a recent date
In the '90s, how you look on the outside weighs more important than who you are on the inside - so look your best! And the best way to look your best is to stay in shape! Exercising is one of the leading ways to doing just this! And what better way than taking it out to the ballfield? Look like a real American Yankee with the Softball Jersey and Softball Cap.
Jersey Sizes: S, M, L, XL
Cap Sizes: Fitted/One size fits all (Mitt, softball, and physical coordination not included)
Price: $39.95
"My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents" - George tries a new pick-up line
George: "She wants me to dress smart/casual. What is that?"
Jerry: "I don't know, but you don't have it."
Hospitals are the location of both the most popular television dramas and the most popular family traumas. With this combined success, there's no surprise that the fashion and medical worlds have found a happy marriage. Picture yourself lying in traction with your back thrown out, awaiting your sponge bath, as you lounge in the comfort of your own home with our exciting line of Backless Hospital Gowns.
Colors: Light blue, Pale blue, Aqua, Puce, Mauve
Price: $24.99
"This thing is like an onion - the more layers you peel, the more it stinks" - George, regarding a recent conspiracy against him
From Russia with love comes our exciting new line of Fur-like Winter Hats. Made from 100% real rat fur, we've taken old world charm from behind the iron curtain and given it a reasonable price tag. You won't have to wait in line to get this soon-to-be snowy favorite on your noggen! WARNING: Fur-like Winter Hats may cause slight skin irritation. Do not continue wearing hat for extended periods of time.
Price: $40.00
"Elaine, ya gotta have a baaaaby - Ich!" - Elaine, imitating her friends who have children
"GET OUT!" - Elaine, always followed with a strong physical push
Before hitting the steam room for some relaxing time, it's time to "raise a racket" in your very own outfit from J.P.'s Workout Wardrobe. Everyone knows that wearing the sweater over your shoulders makes no sense, so try wrapping it around your waist! The men in your life will love it! You'll be sure to be the one with more "love" when you play in style - the J.P. way!
Price: $69.99 for the ensemble; $35.99 per item/piece
"I don't think George has ever thought he's better than anybody" - Elaine, telling Jerry not to worry about George's supposed ego problem
Picture yourself in this beautiful Black Evening Gown. You can almost see your exact self filling out its' beautiful contours and discoing 'til dawn, can't you? Psychologists agree, seeing yourself in something is as good as being in it!
Sizes: Your size
Price: $119.99
"I got no skills! I can't peel, I can't grate...I can't mince!" - Kramer, failing as a cook
"Well you know what they say, you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle" - Kramer, on his work ethic
You'll feel the heat as you suffer from fashion inhalation in our Fire, Fire!-Suit! Be the one to burn up your next family wedding or Bar Mitzvah with this hot outfit! The jacket, made of 100% flame-retardent material, is also...REVERSABLE! Jacket inside design available in: Polka-dots, Argygle, and Checkered.
Price: $79.99
"He's not a Nazi. Just a little eccentric. Most genuises are" - Kramer, defending the Soup Nazi
Tired of being just plain, ol', boring you? Want to seem like a completely different person, even if for just one, fun day? Our J.P. Catalogue offers you the choices you may not receive in the real world, including this fabulous Smoking Jacket and Pipe. You'll feel all-new again and the musty scent of your new purchase will stay with you for days, even after washing everything you own - it's still there! NOTICE: The J.P. Catalogue does not endorse or serve to promote the use of tobacco.
Price: $109.99
"He is The Gambler" - Jerry, on why Kenny Rogers' Roasters is opening in their neighborhood
"Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce" - Jerry
"It's a hot night, the mind races. You think about your knife, the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sun-up. Sleep tight in your Quilted Chambraise Night Shirts" - Eddie, Elaine's protégé
Price: $99.00
"Oh, for the love of God, man, just tell me what the product is!" - Mr. Peterman
Dress like the president of the company in this J.P. Buckskin vest and matching Barber Shop Quartet Shirt. You'll feel like taking your favorite employee to see that special movie that touched you so, again and again! From New York to Burma, fashion is fashion and this, my friends, is fashion.
PRICE: $99.00/ensemble
Congratulations "Seinfeld" on your 150th episode!
"Everytime you turn on a TV, all you see is four morons sitting around an apartment and whining about their dates!" - George
Jerry: "I am ga-ga over her."
Elaine: "Ga-ga? When did that happen?"
Jerry: "Yesterday, six-ish."
"Elaine, I once told a woman that I enjoy spending time with my family" - George, on how far he'll go to get a woman
"Sweet fancy Moses!" - Jerry
"She can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan!" - Kramer
"I'm Master of my Domain" - Jerry