(c) 2000 J. Eiler
Notes: It has its own tune, but also works to the verses of "The Sleeping Scotsman" by Mike Cross.
C F
Seems once there was a herald,
G C
He'd stood too long in the sun.
C F
He went to an SCA event
G
To have a little fun.
F
Said herald brought a guitar,
G
With the which he sang this rant.
C F
"Who says that Heralds cannot pun,
G C
But that they only cant?
He found a quiet corner
Near a Bardic Circle's beat.
He stood up in his great big boots.
(And that was no small feat).
He played and sang most punnishly
And he did so night and day,
And yet with all of his singing
He did not shout "Oyez." [1]
His lyrics -- they were lousy,
His tune -- well it was worse.
His language was most vile and foul
And moreso every verse!
He kept up with his singing
Until the King's guard came.
They told him "You must come with us.
This in the Queen's own name!
They brought the punning herald
To the Queen's pavilion nigh,
He bowed unto Her Majesty,
And saw wrath in her eye.
She said "You do offend me
With the verses that you sing.
Go ye, and pun ye nevermore
Or from a yardarm swing!"
The sweating herald left her
And his heart was beating fast.
He was wont to make more jokes
But his next was his last!
The guard said "If you want to live
No more of the songs you sang."
Then He said "No noose is good news."
And smiling, he was hanged!