(c) 2002 Justin Eiler. Tune: "Ash Grove." Parody of "When I Was a Young Girl," Suzette Elkin.
Notes: The scansion is off, the words are atrocious, and the song actually makes more sense if you sing a wrong note here and there. Now that you mention it, it's rather like my singing on a regular basis....
A filk song once spoke of a girl seeking lovers, In unlikely places, much to her chagrin. And she said that she'd discovered a fabulous method Of finding the lads who were quite good at sin. But now, I've a song that should stand as a warning To horny male filkers in search of a maid. Come all you young filkers, be warned by my singing, For if you butcher lots of filk songs, you'll never get laid. When I was a newbie and very enthusiastic I sang "Banned from Argo," to the groans of the fen. I slaughtered filk songs with the best of intentions, And found notes and chords not fit for mortal men The scansion didn't quite fit, the rhymes were atrocious, And the music could never be fit to one key. (Well, I tried to make it fit...) For I would sing sharp notes while fumbling flat chords. When the singing was over, there was no one for me. Well, now I am married, and really quite happy. And "off" is still the best key for me to sing. Yet one little problem from my youth still plagues me, That makes me quite careful of which songs I sing. For my wife objects to the raunchier filk songs, Especially the ones 'bout a moose and a maid. So beware all you filkers with wives who are short of patience, Cause when I sing filk songs, I still don't get laid.