Lyrics: (c) 2002, Justin Eiler
Tune: Fall River Hoedown (Lizzie Borden), copyright 1952 Michael Brown (lyrics),
Harry Warren (music).
Notes: This started when I saw a story on one of the news programs. It seems that US Airways is going to offer flights to near-space for 10,000,000 (yep, that's right, ten MILLION) frequent flyer miles, as opposed to the $98,000 dollars that it would normally be. The story at US Airways is at http://www.usairways.com/dividendmiles/redeemingmiles/space.htm, and the company that they're contracting with is http://www.spaceadventures.com/.
[v1] Well, they're gonna start a service that will take you into space, Use your frequent flyer miles and you could leave the human race. It's the dream that we've all hoped for, but you know there is a catch, There's a few things that you've got to do before they close the hatch. [ch1] 'Cause you can't hop a jet to get yourself in orbit, Not even if you're richer than Bill Gates. No, you can't hop a jet to get yourself in orbit, But they're saying "real soon now," so you just wait. [Spoken] But I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you! [v2] Now you've got to take a physical before you get to go, Just to make sure that your ticker's working, steady, nice, and slow. And if roller-coasters make you queasy when they're going 'round, Or if you get motion sickness, then you'd best stay on the ground. [ch2] 'Cause you can't toss your cookies when you're in earth orbit, Not even for the lousy airline food. No, you can't toss your cookies when you're in earth orbit, Your seat-mates might consider it quite rude. [Spoken] Orbital debris. Yuck. [v3] Now there won't be any in-flight meals -- nothing of that ilk. And there won't be any servers saying "Coffee, tea, or milk?" You can't even get a drink of water when you're in the sky, And you'd best remember to make sure you "go" before you fly. [ch3] 'Cause you can't stop to tinkle when you're in earth orbit, And you'll be several miles from the "john." No, you can't stop to tinkle when you're in earth orbit, 'Cause they don't have the space to add one on. [Spoken] Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride. [v4] Now, with all the new technology you've really got to guess That your luggage will be going to the same town (more or less) Yes, your luggage will launch with you, it'll land with you as well, But when you are back on the ground, it's back to "baggage hell." [ch4] 'Cause they can't throw your luggage out when they're in orbit, They strap it in so it won't fly around. No, they can't throw your luggage out when they're in orbit, But they sure as heck could lose it on the ground. [Spoken] You in Arizona, your luggage in Rio. Or Mars. Who knows?