He felt his attention drift, his vision blur, whether because of tears or simply because he was staring off into space, he didn�t know.
Her voice seemed to fade into the background, just like the things around him. He struggled to comprehend what had been said, totally giving up hope on trying to figure out what she was saying all together. It would be impossible and he knew it.
It was bound to happen, he told himself, sooner or later. Bound to. But it didn�t ease the pain. It only made it worse. Deep down inside, he knew why, though he would never admit it. Never.
He had hoped. He had hoped it would pass, that this crazy warning that kept ringing in him would be a mistake. A mistake. That was easy enough, no one was perfect, right? Everyone made mistakes every once in a while. He did it often enough, so it could be that he made a mistake here, right? It was perfectly normal, he had told himself, trying to reassure himself that it was true.
But it wasn�t. his instincts had been right once again.
He wished it wasn�t true.
But he knew it was.
After all this time, he should be numb to it all, yet he wasn�t. Every rejection, every cruel word cut him deeper than before. He heard these words a hundred times. He should be able to ignore it. But it�s impossible.
Home was a safe haven. It was true, but it was so far away. So, so far. He had no one to turn to. It was always like this. He wanted to be accepted, dammit. Loved.
Not in a sisterly or brotherly love, but a love so pure, a love from a lover. His lover. Someone how knew and understood him, who didn�t care about it all. The money, the status, the fame. Someone who could accept it as part of his life and yet still love him.
But that was hard to find. Almost impossible. If it wasn�t because he was always away, it was because he didn�t take time to come down. Didn�t they know that he wanted to? That he wanted to, oh so badly, but he couldn't. not wouldn�t, but couldn't. it wasn�t his choice.
But they never listened.
Those were the better ones. Those that hurt him even more were those who made use of him. His status, his money, his fame. Gaining popularity and attention was a given thing when he went out with someone. Often that was the reason they dated him.
Not for his personality, his character, his kisses, his heart.
No, just his money and his fame.
It hurt.
Sometimes he wondered if it was better to be useless than useful.
But he knew he�d never know the truth.
Sometimes he wondered why they always recycled him. Why not make everything easier and dump him once and for all. Then at least his hopes wouldn�t get dashed over and over again, let him get broken over and over again.
He was like a piece of toilet paper, as crude as it sounded. Used, passed around, reused, later dumped. At least then he would stop getting his hopes up. At least then his heart wouldn�t always get broken.
At least then they wouldn�t be able to hurt him anymore.
At least then they wouldn�t be able to break his spirit.
Used and Reused.
Over and over.
Passes around and around.
A never ending circle.
That was his life.
Or at least, it would be until he found that one girl who could and would free him from it. Someone who would set him free with her love. Set him free from this vicious circle. Set him free from this emotional roller coaster. From this inescapable prison. From the pain, the rejection, from the chains that held him captive.
And all he could do now was wait.
Wait and get his heart broken.
Wait for that one girl who could give him life.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait�