| Sweet Dreams Author's note: My friend, Jessica, wanted me to put up a plain black-and-white thing. So here it is. I lie on my bed and exhaustion is taking control of my body, but still, sleep eludes me. I toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position, but the bed seems so cold, so empty� it�s too big for just one person alone. But that�s what I am � alone. I reach out, trying to grab a hold of something, anything� but there�s nothing there. Not for the first time, I feel fear. Fear of being left alone, left to die in the cold bed all by myself� Just as I feel tears coming to my eyes, I feel a warmth rushing over me. It�s as though someone is watching over me. And just as I suspect, someone is. I smile. I feel his pale blue eyes staring at me, boring holes into the back of my head. I resist the urge to laugh and pretend to be asleep. He wants to look into my eyes, I�m sure, and tell me just how much he loves me. But I can�t help manipulating him for a while. Just a while. So I close my eyes. He stands at the edge of the bed for a few minutes before calling my name in the special, soft, loving way he always does, the way that always curls my mouth into a smile, even when I�m feeling blue. He has that effect on me. Just the sound of his voice or a smile on his lips can brighten the dreariest days. �Lance?� Still, I pretend I�m asleep. I know he can�t hold out much longer. And I�m right. He crawls slowly under the covers, slipping in silently next to me. He wraps his arms gently around me, careful not to wake me up. Another smile lights up my face. He is so caring, so tender, that sometimes I can hardly believe he really loves me. It seems so impossible. I relax gently in his arms and I can feel him smile against the back of my neck. He eases his head to rest on top of mine and I can hear his heartbeat as my head lies gently on his chest. I shudder a little when his fingers roam soothingly around my neck. Then he slides his hand into my hair and gently massages my scalp before resting his fingers lightly on my lips and rubbing them softly, as if examining their texture. I take a deep breath and I think he knows I�m awake. I finally decide to stop torturing him. I grin and turn around in my lover�s arms. But he�s not there anymore. He�s disappeared. Just like he does all those other nights. He�s just a part of my imagination. I curl my body into a little ball as tears finally begin trekking down my cheeks. It�s so damn unfair, the way my head is filled with him� he haunts my thoughts, my dreams� he�s stuck in my head and I can�t seem to get him out. But he doesn�t feel for me that way. I know he doesn�t. He�s in love with Bobbie and probably always will be. It�s not his fault I fell in love with him, it�s not his fault that I can�t get up the courage to tell him how I feel� but it�s so unfair. Why does it HAVE to be Josh who�s invading my head? Fatigue finally takes over my mind and I feel my eyelids droop heavily. Even if I can�t be with him, at least he�ll always be there if I just use a little imagination. And I know that every night when I fall asleep, he�ll be there, and my dreams will always be just as sweet. End. |