| It�s Worth It Author�s note: Please keep in mind that this is my first slash fanfic. =p I had a lot of fun typing it, but it�s not that great. �Um... guys... we... we�re leaving now,� Lance said. Whispered, more like it. His voice was low and barely above a whisper. JC had to strain to hear Lance�s voice but it was obvious the other guys didn�t give a damn. Lance licked his lips nervously when he saw that no one was responding. No one except for JC. He fidgeted nervously, feeling the tension in the room rise. He pulled at his collar nervously, hoping for some kind of distraction. Finally, when the silence grew too much to bear, JC bit his lip and squeezed Lance�s hand reassuringly and motioned towards the door with a toss of his head. Lance smiled, but the worry lines creased on his forehead were evidence enough of his worry about the group�s reaction. �We�re leaving now, all right?� JC snapped at last, tired of the group�s cold treatment toward himself and Lance. If they were just targeting him, it wouldn�t matter because, honestly, he didn�t care anymore. But they were hurting Lance, and JC wasn�t going to allow it. Not if he had any say in the matter. �C�mon Lance,� JC muttered. �It�s not like they care or anything.� Sullenly, Lance nodded and allowed JC to lead him out of the room. AGAIN. How many times he had left the room now he couldn�t count. He felt sick in his stomach and he leaned against JC for a few seconds for support. The dead, hollow look in Lance�s eyes were JC�s undoing. �Lance...� JC�s voice broke. He couldn�t find the words and he wasn�t sure if words were going to help any at this point anyway. �Please don�t do this to yourself.� Lance stood up straight, even though his legs were shaking and shrugged JC�s hand off of his shoulder. �Maybe... I think I�m gonna skip this one out, Jace. I... I�m just not in the mood for a movie right now.� JC sighed and shook his head. �Don�t be stupid, Lance. If we go, we go together. Otherwise, we stay together.� Lance nodded reluctantly and the two boys made a beeline for the elevator. As they walked, Lance�s shoulders sagged as though the weight of the world was upon them. �Why are they doing this to us, Jace? Why can�t they understand?� Lance�s usually deep voice was unnaturally high-pitched and JC didn�t miss the quaver in the younger man�s voice either. JC shook his head slowly as they continued, as if they had agreed upon it, down the hallway in the hotel towards the room they were sharing. �I don�t know, Lance,� JC said softly, running an agitated hand through his hair. �I just don�t know.� Lance looked up at JC. His usually twinkling blue eyes were downcast and his face was pinched with worry. Lance rested his hand on JC�s shoulder and smiled wanly when JC looked at him. �I�m sorry.� �For what?� JC asked, puzzled. �For making you worry,� Lance said as he brought his hand back to his side, clenching and unclenching his fists as they passed a bunch of rowdy reporters and plastered their famous cover-boy smiles onto their faces. Lance sighed thankfully when they made it to the elevator safely. He was getting sick of pretending to the world, of lying to the world. His private life was his own business and he didn�t see why they couldn�t just leave him alone, why they couldn�t just be satisfied with listening to his music. Plus, their bodyguards were nowhere in sight and he was beginning to worry. JC grinned at Lance�s expression. He pressed the button for the top floor and ruffled Lance�s hair when the doors slid close. �Worrier.� Lance tried to frown at JC�s comment but he couldn�t hold back a deep chuckle, �Yeah, but that�s why you love me.� JC smiled and shrugged. �Guess so.� JC looked at the floor and they rode the rest of the way in silence, each lost in their own little world. How did this all happen? JC wondered. A few weeks ago we were hardly talking and now... JC shut his eyes and rubbed his aching temples. He recalled the past few weeks and sighed softly. Everything was just happening so fast it was scary. JC just hoped he had the determination to stick it out. �Lance, could you pass me that piece of-� JC�s sentence trailed off when Lance brushed past him with a growl. �Paper?� JC finished softly when Lance had disappeared out of the room. JC sighed. He couldn�t understand it. �Just what is Lance playing at?� he wondered. �One minute they�re all laughing and joking, but the minute I step in it�s like I�ve intruded or something.� JC had never felt that way before. The group had always been one big family and he was never alone. Whether it be with Chris, Joey, Justin or Lance, he was always with one of them - at least until then. Now he felt like a stranger, barging in where he wasn�t wanted. JC was well aware of the stares the three guys were directing at him and he looked up from the piece of paper he was scribbling on. The other guys sitting with him around the table just stared back. �What?� he snapped, annoyed. �Nothing, nothing...� Chris raised his hands in mock surrender. Justin rolled his eyes, elbowing Chris. �What this blockhead here means is... what�s up with you and Lance?� JC sighed. He should have seen this coming. He should have known Justin would bring it up sooner or later. �So stupid!� he berated himself. �What�s up?� JC shot back, hoping his grumpy mood would tick them off so that they�d leave him alone. Unfortunately, they saw through his devious ploy and just shook their heads. �We�re laughing and having the time of our lives and when you sit down he just...� Justin spread his arms open wide, �Ka-BOOM! Explodes!� JC shrugged, exhaling loudly. �I don�t know, Justin. He just... well... I don�t know.� �What did you do to him, Jace?� Joey demanded. �Oh, I just woke up one morning and Lance decided I pissed him off and that he had to ignore me and totally hate me for the next few days. I�m guilty, aren�t I? Yep, waking up and just LIVING like a normal human being is a total crime. Funny how I never knew that.� JC�s defense sarcasm made Joey flinch. �I guess I asked for that,� Joey muttered. �I didn�t do ANYTHING, guys, I swear. Lance just stopped talking to me. Heck, he stopped acting like I existed!� Chris and Justin exchanged looks. �Hmm...� �Hmm...� Justin said back to Chris in the exact tone. �Are you thinking what I�m thinking, Chris?� �What are you thinking, J?� The two of them exchanged giggles before looking at JC and saying, �Three letters Jace - PMS!� JC rolled his eyes as the other guys cracked up. �No, seriously speaking here. Was it something I said? I really don�t understand how I could have offended Lance when he didn�t even allow me to speak to him.� �I never said you couldn�t speak to me, JC,� Lance�s voice resounded in the suddenly silent room. �I...� JC was shocked at seeing Lance there, and even more shocked that Lance was acknowledging his presence. Although he was older than Lance, he believed the guy deserved respect. Which meant that he couldn�t just go up there and shake some sense into the crazy blonde. Damn. Lance glared accusingly at JC, as if daring him to speak. That just sparked something off in JC. �What the hell, Lance? I�ve given you your due respect but I really think you need to get some manners here.� Lance smirked, �You�re the one screaming at me and you�re saying I need manners? Oh right, JC. You totally crack me up.� JC�s eyes narrowed in anger as he stood up. His chair scraped backwards and he shot to his feet. He was taller than Lance and could stare him down any day but Lance didn�t flinch. Lance didn�t even take one small step back. That earned JC�s grudging respect. But JC was riled up. And everything he said or did was going to create a disaster and he just knew it. �I crack you up, Lance? Oh no, it seems like I�m making you bottle up.� Chris, Joey and Justin sat quietly, watching the two grown men quarreling. They were all like blood brothers but even brothers fight once in a while, if not everyday. They were going to sit tight and go along with the roller coaster, hoping the ride would stop soon. �What�s wrong with you? You may be angry with me, for reasons I don�t even begin to comprehend, but you don�t have to act all childish about it. For crying out loud, Lance, grow up! The world doesn�t just revolve around you and your little fantasies! When are you going to start acting your age?� Lance�s pale green eyes were flashing with anger. Justin could practically see little sparks shooting out of them. �NOTHING is wrong with me, JC. I am NOT angry with you or any of the guys. I am NOT being childish and the only one not acting his age is you! �Why the hell do you have to act as though you�re perfect, JC? You�re not. You have flaws, you know. Dammit, don�t you know it�s human to make mistakes? You don�t have to be Mr. Faultless all the time!� JC was boiling with rage. Lance had hit too close to home. �Shut up, Lance,� JC growled. �Just shut the hell up.� �Touched a nerve, did I?� Lance smirked. JC took a step back, putting some distance between himself and Lance - for Lance�s sake. �I don�t know why the hell you�re acting like this but I�m not going to get into a huge argument with you because you�re going to get hurt and I don�t want that.� Lance just shook his head, �Josh, Josh, Josh... you just HAVE to be the forgiving one, don�t you? Just HAVE to be best of the best. Mr. I-can-make-this-perfect-cos-that�s-the-way-I-am.� A mixture of hurt and shock crossed JC�s face and Lance almost felt guilty. Almost. �You wanna know why I�m so pissed with you? Well, here�s one reason. Someone was too caught up in himself that he didn�t notice when another someone�s birthday just passed by. We all celebrated but that certain someone didn�t turn up for the other someone�s birthday.� JC�s mind reeled. He HAD told them he wasn�t going, he was sure of it. And he had spent a whole day with Justin to make up for it plus the Pokemon Playstation game he had bought for Justin. And now, it was only one week after, so he couldn�t have missed anyone else�s birthday. �And what the hell does it have to do with Lance if I go to Justin�s party or not?� Lance rolled his eyes, �I always thought you had SOME sense of kindness, JC. Appears otherwise, doesn�t it? Here we all are, supposedly FAMILY, but someone in the family just won�t contribute. Nope... he�s too caught up being perfect and you know what? I�m sick of that crap.� JC felt as though someone had just dealt him a slap to the face. �W-what?� he stammered, barely able to stand. His hand reached out to grip the table, his face turning pale. He forced himself to keep breathing but he only managed to do so with difficulty. A lot of it. �Whoa, whoa, whoa... c�mon guys, stop this.� Joey stood up and stood in the middle of Lance and JC in a futile attempt to break up the argument but Lance just shoved Joey aside. �You heard me,� Lance spat out, fire burning in his eyes. �I said I�m sick of that crap.� �What about some lobster then?� Justin joked. Then he swallowed when Lance�s chilly green eyes turned to him. �I thought, you know, that you were, um, talking about dinner. You don�t want anymore crab, so, you know... well, like, um, seafood?� Chris pulled a goofy face and nodded. JC hardly heard them. �I don�t... I don�t understand.� he managed to get out, even though he already felt like he was suffocating. �Why is Lance acting like this? What did I do?� JC�s mind was spinning with confusion. Lance laughed without humour. �Precisely. You don�t understand how we feel about being a family, you don�t understand what we�re feeling. Or maybe, you�re just too perfect to try. Perfect people are one step highter than the rest. Oh Mighty one, we�re just humble servants, it�s right that you don�t give a freaking damn about our bloody feelings.� JC went even whiter but he didn�t respond. Lance would just use it against him. He still didn�t understand what Lance was so angry about but Lance�s biting remarks were numbing him. And with every word that Lance said, another bit of JC died. Another bit of JC shattered. Chris jumped up. �All right, Lance, you�ve had your fun. Argument�s over. Shut up and get the shit out of here.� Lance stood defiantly, staring at JC as if willing him to say something. JC just shook his head dumbly, not really grasping what was going on. Chris narrowed his eyes and Justin knew Lance was going to be in big trouble if he didn�t do as Chris said. �Lance, just get your ass out of here,� Justin said softly. Lance looked at the seething Chris before shrugging and heading out of the room AGAIN. Joey grabbed onto JC�s arm just as his legs gave way. Joey scooped the brunette into his arms and sat him down on the sofa. Chris clucked his tongue when he saw the dazed look on JC�s face. �Hey man,� Chris said softly as Justin patted JC on the shoulder comfortingly. �You know ol� Poofu didn�t mean anything. He was just venting.� �Is that true?� �Is what true, man?� �Am I really such a bastard, Chris?� �NO!� three voices yelled, but JC�s glazed look remained. Chris calmed down and said, �Look, Jace, the guy was just really worked up. He didn�t know you weren�t going to Justin�s party. And you know how tight these two are. He was just reacting on Justin�s behalf.� Justin nodded, �Yeah, but if I had remembered to tell him, he wouldn�t have... I�m so sorry, Jace. Listen, it�s my fault. I forgot and... dammit! I�m so sorry, JC. Please don�t be like this.� JC just shook his head in growing disbelief. �Why did Lance act that way? Why?� The anger in Lance�s eyes flashed in JC�s mind and he flinched. He had always remembered the kind, sparkling, warm green eyes, and seeing Lance that angry was a new experience for him. Especially since the anger was directed at himself. JC buried his head in his hands, ignoring the offers of comfort provided by Justin, Joey and Chris. The only person he wanted comfort from... he couldn�t get. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!� Lance cursed silently. �Why did I have to go and blow my top? Why, why, why?! Shit, why didn�t Justin tell me earlier? Damn!� Lance uttered a string of swear words before falling onto the chair in exhaustion. He had been pacing the length of his room for three hours, ever since Justin had told him about JC and the birthday. �Why were you so stupid Lance? So STUPID! You... you�ve blown ANY chance you ever had with the guy, not that there was much to begin with and today, you�ve made it official. There�s NO way you have the slightest chance now. No way in hell, man.� Then Lance shook himself and sighed, �Since I started the mess, I might as well clear it up. If he doesn�t forgive me then it�s just my bloody freaking problem and I�m gonna have to deal.� Lance gave himself a pep-talk as he walked towards JC�s room. His palms started to sweat, and beads of perspiration popped up all over his forehead. �Calm down, it�s just JC.� Lance rolled his eyes, �Yeah, the guy you just pissed off and the same guy you�re in love with. For God�s sake, calm down!� Lance knocked on the door, the image of JC�s pale face popping into his mind. Lance winced when he recalled the way JC had just gone whiter and whiter, taken all his insults without even throwing a single one back. Lance almost collapsed when JC opened the door. The older man just stood there, not really knowing what to say. �JC,� Lance began, as JC began to close the door muttering, �You�ve got the wrong room. Justin�s room is that way.� JC�s eyes, which had been staring stonily down at the carpet, seemed to brighten as he looked up. Lance almost cringed at the fear he saw in JC�s eyes, as if he was still half-expecting to be accused of things he didn�t do. �Yes?� �Jesus, I�m even SOUNDING like he�s a miracle,� JC thought, blushing furiously. �Don�t get your hopes up, JC. He may just want to start another verbal war.� JC couldn�t help recoiling at the thought. Lance bit his lip nervously. �Why did I even come here? Just to apologise?� �I�m, um, I�m sorry,� Lance gushed. �I wasn�t thinking straight.� JC stared at Lance in surprise. �Why don�t you come in and, uh, you know, explain stuff?� Lance bounded into the room TOO happily. He cringed when he imagined the absolute look of bliss that must have been on his face. He had always wanted to be in JC�s room. Even if it was just for a chat. JC was a neat freak and Lance enjoyed the organized yet homey feel of the room. Or maybe it was just because it was JC. Lance couldn�t decide which. JC couldn�t help getting his hopes up a little bit as Lance�s eyes swept around the room, as if absorbing everything he saw. JC had always admired how Lance tried to memorize every detail about everything. Then he shook his head, �Lance is here to apologise. Stop thinking like that!� �Well, I...� Lance swallowed painfully, not knowing where to start. There was so much he longed to tell JC, and yet he couldn�t. Not now. Not ever. He just didn�t have the guts. �I�m sorry about just now. I just... I thought you didn�t care and that tore me up because I�ve always looked up to you and the thought that you didn�t care about us just killed me.� JC was surprised by Lance�s confession. He felt elated and strangely disappointed at the same time. �Um... you look up to me?� he asked, half fearing the answer. �Yeah, like, you know, an older brother.� Lance lied. �Yeah, right,� he thought to himself. �If older brothers were people you drool over and dream of being with then maybe.� JC cursed himself mentally. He stared at Lance for a few seconds, cursing his soft-heartedness. �I never really blamed you, Lance,� JC said softly, smiling when Lance looked as though he had just been shot. He was so surprised. �It�s a tough time for all of us and...� JC shrugged, �You just needed to vent. I understand.� �You do?� �Yeah,� JC said slowly. �Right. I understand nuts. Why the hell do I have to love YOU, Lance? YOU of all people?!� �Um, okay.� That wasn�t exactly the response Lance wanted. He wanted JC to be fuming mad and screaming and yelling so at least he�d feel better. Just thinking about the way JC had taken the insults and the yelling made Lance sick. �Are you okay?� JC asked, concerned. �You look pretty pale.� Lance forced a smile, marvelling at JC�s intuition. �I�m fine,� he insisted. But the sick feeling in his stomach wouldn�t go away as he summoned the courage to say what he had to say. �Um, but there�s something I need to tell you. It�s really important and I don�t think you�ll ever look at me the same way after this but I need to get it off of my chest.� �Uh, okay,� JC mumbled. �How bad can it get?� JC wondered to himself. �After all, what�s worse than being a gay and falling in love with one of your best friends? Nothing.� �Actually, JC...� Lance hung his head and kicked the carpet for a few seconds. �I...� Lance just wanted to scream those three words. It would be so simple, so fast, so easy. �I...� �Spit it out, dammit!� Lance yelled inside his head. �Tell him for god�s sake! Just say it!� �I...� JC looked at the tongue-tied Lance and grinned. It wasn�t everyday Lance was tongue-tied. �You�re a pretty smooth talker, ain�t ya, Lance? Come on, just spit it out.� �I�m in love!� Lance admitted finally. The moment the words were out of his mouth, Lance wanted to kick himself. �In love with YOU!� he wanted to scream. �You JC! My best buddy!� JC�s spirits dropped considerably. In fact, they took a nose dive from sky-high to pathetic. �With who?� he asked carefully, half curious, half dreading the answer. �Um... with... oh what the hell! In love with YOU, JC! There, I said it, okay? Happy? I�m in love with YOU because I�m a freaking gay and you�re the best guy I�ve ever met. Dammit, did I actually say that out loud?� JC just stared at Lance as he digested the information. Then he smiled. At first it was a small grin, then it grew wider and wider, till the room lit up with the brightness of JC�s smile. Lance inwardly cursed himself, thinking, �JC probably thinks you�re kidding. Dammit!� Lance closed his eyes and prayed for the strength to go through the humiliation he just KNEW he was going to face. Instead, he felt JC�s arms wrap around him and JC�s face press against his shoulder blade. It took a few seconds for Lance to respond but slowly, his arms worked their way around JC�s back. They smiled and tightened their hold on one another before JC pulled back a little to look at Lance. �Dang, I�m glad you had to guts to tell me,� JC laughed. �I don�t think I would have.� Lance just smiled, �Yes you would,� he told JC. �Because you�re you.� JC leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly against Lance�s soft ones, almost swooning at their close contact. �I love you, Lance.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JC couldn�t help smiling. Things had changed a lot since then. They had told the guys about their relationship first. They had thought the guys would understand. But no. In fact, the Chris, Joey and Justin were chiding them. As were their manager, Johnny, the crew, even their parents! JC sighed but smiled when Lance slung his arm casually around JC�s shoulder. �Watcha thinking of?� Lance asked softly, observing his partner. �Jesus Lance!� JC chuckled. �I swear you�re like an emotion detector sometimes!� Lance laughed but continued to look at JC. JC finally sighed and said, �Oh all right. I was just thinking... about our parents.� JC immediately wished he had kept his mouth shut. Lance went frozen rigid and JC�s shoulders dropped. �I�m sorry. It�s just that... I thought they would be there for us. I didn�t think... not kick us out of our own homes. I mean, I know we can get an apartment and stuff but... I�ll miss them.� JC whispered the last three words softly. Lance bit his lip before squeezing JC�s shoulder. �I know, Jace,� Lance whispered hollowly. �But we�ve worked so hard for this relationship. Everything will fall into place. I just know it.� JC nodded slowly. �Yeah, c�mon, this is our floor. Let�s go.� Lance kissed JC softly on the lips before they stepped out of the elevator, hand in hand, and walked into their room. They were going to stay together, no matter what the future held. End. |