(217)
"Hey, sunshine! Come congratulate me. Your partner just made partner."
Justin was sitting on the sofa.
"Partner, ha? Well, you sure don't act like one."
"What?"
Justin didn't answer. He got up and walked over to the bathroom.
"Justin. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
He started taking off his clothes.
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't go with you to Vermont�"
"It's not that."
"What, then?"
"You figure it out. I'm gonna take a shower."
He got into the shower and closed the door behind him.
Brian looked at the door for a second, then turned around and sat on the bed, the bottle of wine still in his hand.
So, Justin's not upset about Vermont. What then? That he didn't call him? That he didn't tell him about almost getting fired?
He didn't want to tell him that. He didn't want Justin to feel sorry for him. But was that the only reason? God, he really didn't know anymore. He wasn't used to this. To being together. To sharing his life and his feelings with someone else.
Sure, he confided in Mikey, Deb and Lindsay, sometimes but he's known them a lot longer.
No. That's not why. He didn't tell him because he was afraid that Justin would leave him. He had this constant fear that one day he'd wake up and find Justin gone. And why wouldn't he? He's 19. So young.
There are actually times where he is not sure whether Justin is in love with him or just infatuated with being with this rich, successful older guy. 'Cause Justin doesn't really know him. He shuts him out whenever he's in trouble, or hurt. He never lets his guard down. He's always too damn self aware of his actions cause he's afraid of doing or saying something that would imply that he's not perfect or that he has all these insecurities. Maybe he's just afraid that that would be a turn off for Justin.
Actually, he'd rather see Justin leave him because he was too distant and secretive rather than see him leave because he opened up.
He wondered what Justin would have done had he lost his job. Actually, he was sure Justin would have stayed. He was sure of it. But he was also sure that he would not have wanted Justin around if that happened because he'd feel he's with him only out of pity.
He can be such a jerk sometimes! Why does he think Mikey and Lindsay love me but he can't get it through his thick skull that Justin loves him just as much, even more? And that he would feel the same way no matter what happened?
Well, maybe it's because Mikey is his friend. His good friend. And good friends don't leave. Lovers do.
Brian got up and walked around the bedroom
He has to stop thinking that Justin'd leave him. If he believes that, he might actually end up pushing him away. What's it called? A self-fulfilling prophecy?
He really doesn't want to be without Justin. He has to fix this. How can he fix this? OK. He has to tell him why he had to go to Chicago. And he has to apologize. Maybe they could still go to Vermont.
He was so anxious to talk to Justin. He paced back and forth, around the bedroom, waiting for Justin to finish showering. He wanted Justin's undivided attention. Finally Justin got out. He wrapped a towel around him and stood in front of the mirror. Brian was standing next to the shower door.
"Still angry?"
"I'm not angry, I'm disappointed."
Brian looked away
"Every time I think we're actually a couple, you go and do something that makes me think we're not."
"I'm sorry, Justin."
"Yea." Justin mumbled and walked pass Brian into the bedroom. Brian turned around, walked in, sat on the bed and watched Justin getting dressed.
"Ryder sold his company to Gardner Vance."
Justin stopped what he was doing and listened.
"He fired everybody and wanted to fire me too. He gave me a week to try and convince him why he should let me stay."
"OK." Justin sat down on the bed, next to Brian.
"Well, I found out that he's been trying to sign "Brown Athletics" for years but couldn't, so I decided to go to Chicago and sign him up myself."
"And you did."
"And I did."
"And now you're a partner?"
"Yep." Brian smiled. He put his hand on Justin's shoulder and gave a little kiss on the cheek..
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Justin."
Justin looked into Brian's eyes.
"Yea, why didn't you?"
Brian looked down, his hand was now caressing Justin's hair.
"I don't know. I should have."
"You know what? I think you're telling me now because everything turned out great for you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you only share the good news with me. Why didn't you tell me that they were thinking of firing you?"
"Um�Jus�"
"Do you know how that makes me feel? Like I'm some guy you keep around to have a good time with. I feel like I'm not really important to you."
"Justin, how could you think that? Of course you are."
"Am I? Then why did you leave without explaining? Did you care at all how I felt? I was really upset, Brian.
Brian didn't know what to say.
"I need you to confide in me, to trust me. I need to feel like we're in this together."
Brian kept caressing Justin's hair and back, trying to get him to calm down.
"Justin, you're right. I know you're right.When I was on the plane all I could think about was how you must be feeling�and about getting this done so I could come home to you."
"Your partner�"
"Yes. Partner�"
They both smiled.
"Hey, you got plans tonight?"
"No."
"Then how about staying in?"
Justin looked at Brian
"You serious?"
"Very. I'll order some take out."
He kissed Justin on the cheek and started to get up. Justin pulled him back down and kissed him.
"Thank you, Brian"
"It's not just for you, you know. It's for us."
"Us."
Justin smiled and kissed him again.