Reflections (Brian)
(eppys 301 - 307)
Well, it’s over. It’s been over for months now. I’ve been trying to keep up a
“business as usual” front but I can’t really fool anybody.
And I don’t really want to; it’s hard enough as it is.
Lindsay gave me a little “whatever you say” smile when I told her I
never loved him. Michael doesn’t believe me either.
Why would they? I don’t believe me.
God, when I saw him at mel and linds' bash I realized just how much I missed him.
I didn’t plan on attending but I had to! I had to see him. I had to say something so
he won’t forget about me, now that he’s got… Ian.
I mean, what does he see in that jerk, anyway? With his flowers and bullshit
attitude…how can he fall for his crap??
Maybe Melanie was right, about being more romantic.
Man, did I just say that smelly melly was right? I must
really be in bad shape! She wasn’t right. She wasn’t. Was she?
I knew I had to get him back somehow. I couldn’t wait until his little romance with
Paganini Junior was over. So I asked him to make a poster for the center carnival.
We were talking and it felt so familiar, like we were never apart.
And he came. He didn’t even bring fiddle boy with him to make his appearance there
look casual. But I’m not surprised. He always acts according to his emotions;
unlike me, unfortunately. Because if I did, I would have told him that I loved him;
that I would go on loving him even after he was gone. Why
didn’t I? Why can’t I say it even now?? When I think of all those times we were
together and I was caressing his hair and looking into his beautiful eyes - I wanted
so much to say those words, so much! But they just didn’t come out.
God, I’m the pathetic one. Maybe Justin thinks so too.
He was so angry with me after I told his fianc? that he should sign the
deal. I knew he would come. And I wanted him to. But I got so angry with him for
worrying about his precious boyfriend! I would NEVER sacrifice my career for him so
why would Ian? God…I wish he would just drop that fucker already!
You know, I think he just might because apparently Justin spent the night at Daphne’s.
Trouble in paradise? I wish. I don’t even think he’s still wearing that stupid ring.
Boy, does he have a lot to learn. But he’s young, inexperienced.
Right… who am I kidding? He’s a lot smarter then I am.
And if he were to decide that he wants me back he would stop at
nothing. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for.