Brian and Justin quotes - Season 1
page 4
116
J: You drink too much coffee.
B: This isn't coffee, it's latte.
J: Just coffee that costs five bucks. And it still causes high blood pressure, heart attack, poor sexual performance.
B: Haven't had any complaints.
J: Not to mention insomnia.
B: Well, usually when I'm in my bed I'm not asleep anyway, so it really doesn't matter.
J: See, fortunately I have youth on my side. I can stay up all night fucking and still score fifteen hundred on my SATs.
B: Fifteen hundred?
J: Yep.
B: Wow, you could get into any school you wanted with a score like that.
J: I applied to Dartmouth, Brown...
B: You're going out of state?
J: Why? Do you give a shit?
B: It's just the first I've heard of it, that's all.
J: You do. You give a shit! You give a shit!
Justin: You so care about me! You love me so much!
Brian: Get out!
Justin: Brian Kinney gives a shit!
Brian: Fuck you.
B: A gay/straight what?
J: Student alliance.
B: What the fuck is that?
J: It's a club. A forum where students discuss issues, plan events. You know, to promote understanding.
B: I'm asleep already.
J: I need your expertese.
Brian: I think I've given you plenty.
Justin: Your business expertise. It's a tough sell, especially at St. James. So say I brought this concept to you at your office. How would you market it?
B: It's one thirty in the morning, and I'm horny as hell.
J: Please?
B: Okay. You're the client. Have a seat Mr. Taylor. (Brian�s laughing)
J: What's so funny?
B: Well, this is just how I imagine all my clients. I picture them naked. I can't believe I'm doing this. Okay! So you have this concept. They "Gay-Straight Student Alliance." Let's all live together. Power to the people. Peace. That's boring as shit.
J: I could take out an uzi and shoot everyone. That would be exciting.
B: Well, at least you'd get their attention. Now, we have to figure out a way to sell it.
J: Right. How?
B: Same way you sell everything else. Sex.
J: Sex?
B: You wanna get 'em in the tent, hand out these.
J: Condoms?
B: You said it was an alliance. What better way for everyone to come together?
117
J: I love this picture.
B: yea? Dada and sonny boy. Alright, so I�m a shitty father. Are we surprised? I�m upholding a fine family tradition.
J: you�re not a shitty father. You love Gus.
B: I didn�t think I would. It�s strange.
J: knowing that there�s someone else you care about besides yourself? (reaching for Brian�s glass)
B: it�s bad enough you smoke at your age.
J: at my age? Brian, I�m the most mature person you know. You think Gus is gonna speak French before he speaks English?
B: why don�t you go to bed?
J: I mean Lindsay can�t raise him on her own and as much as you love him you�re never gonna be a full time parent.
B: you know, if I wanted the news I�d watch CNN.
J: you can�t control everyone�s life, even though you�d like to.
B: obviously. You�re still here.
J: being mean to me has never really worked. You should try another tactic.
B: what are you doing?
J: I�m killing you with kindness. It�s proven to be a highly effective technique for achieving one�s goals.
118
J: making out on the dance floor. Did you ever see anything so juvenile?
B: well, I guess you�re too mature for that now that you�re a college man�little Justin�s been accepted to Dartmouth�.
J: I decided not to go.
B: since when?
J: since I realized I could never be a business major. I decided I wanna go to the Pittsburg Institute of Fine Arts. If I get in.x
B: and here I thought I was finally rid of you.
J: not until I say so.
B: to Dartmouth and to your bright and shining future as Pittsburgh�s new Andy Karney.
J: I�ll drink to that.
B: only I thought you were gonna be the next Andy Warhol.
J: I changed my mind.
B: and after all the trouble I went through to make you the best homosexual I can. I can�t believe you�d blow it, and with the flimsiest excuse �I�ve caused my parents enough pain.� How can you even stand there and look me in the eye?
J: it�s true.
B: it�s bullshit. They caused their own pain just like everybody else and now you�re gonna give up everything you want just to make them happy. That�s totally fucked!
J: shut up, Brian! You don�t know anything.
B: I know it�s scary finding your own way than doing what�s expected.
J: I�m not scared.
B: you�re fucking terrified. Just like the night you met me. I was sure you�d run back home but you didn�t. You said �I�m going with him.�
J: I cannot believe that you remember that. considering you couldn�t remember my name.
B: and look what happened/
J: I turned into a big queer.
B: yea, lucky for you otherwise I wouldn�t be wasting my time. But it�s too late now. There�s no turning back.
120
B: shaved chests, pec implants steroids, hair club for men.
J: yea, it�s sad, isn�t it? All these older guys still partying way past their prime. They don�t know when to stop. So, how about the real thing?
B: check back with me in an hour.
J: what, so now I�m a back up plan? Who you do when all else fails.
B: How many times do I have to tell you we�re not a couple. Michael and David are a couple. Lindsay and Melanie are a couple. Ted and what�s his name are a couple.
J: yea? So what are we, Brian?
B: I don�t know about you but I�m single.
J: what a night.
B: so how was he?
J: he had the greatest ass. I brought him back, I fucked him all night. I think my dick�s gonna be sore for a week.
B: that�s enough.
(M: actually I�d like to hear more. T: speak slowly and enunciate.)
J: he gave great head. He wanted me to fuck him with my crown on, it was kinda kinky. After a while, though, he got really clingy. He wanted to know when he could see me again.
B: so what�d you tell him?
J: I told him that he could see me in his dreams.
121
J: don�t go. You can�t go. What are you gonna do without me?
B: I don�t know, I guess I�ll survive.
J: I doubt it. What about me?
B: I�m sure you�ll get along just fine on your own.
J: no, I won�t.
B: yea, you will. You�re gonna do what you should have done a long time ago. You�re gonna meet some Twinkie your own age.
J: what do you think I want with some kid who doesn�t know shit?
B: I need to take a shower.
J: go, go take your shower. Go to NY. Go to your new life. In a year, probably not even that long, you won�t even remember my name �oh, what happened to that kid who wouldn�t leave me alone, who thought he was in love with me?� if you fucking think of me at all.
B: I won�t. I won�t think of you. When I walk out that door I don�t plan on ever looking back and I expect you to do the same.
122
j: What are you doing on Friday night?
B: Friday, Friday, Friday. I don't know, my short-term memory's not what it used to be, uh...
J: Do you want to come to my prom with me?
B: As what? Your chaperone?
J: As my date.
B: Huh. I'd love to...
J: Yeah?
B: But my prom dress is still in the dry cleaners.
J: Oh, come on!
B: Are you out of your mind? Go and ask some girl.
J: I don't wanna go with some girl. I wanna go with someone I care about. And it that happens to be a guy, who cares?
B: You know, that's just what I need. To be at a dance with a bunch of fucking eighteen-year-olds.
J: I thought you liked fucking eighteen-year-olds.
B: Go buy a corsage...for someone else.
J: I thought you said you wouldn't be caught dead in a room full of eighteen-year-olds.
B: I thought I'd recapture my lost youth.
J: �and don't forget who's taking you home..."
b:"...and in whose arms you're gonna be"
J: Did you see their faces?
B: Yeah. We gave them a prom they'll never forget.
J: Me, neither. It's the best night of my life.
B: Even if it was ridiculously romantic.
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