manic-depressive when I was 23yrs old.
� I went on a 6 month rollercoaster ride through hell� before I was diagnosed� as being BP.� As frightening as it was to learn this, it was also a huge relief......
� Finally I had answers to why I had been thinking and behaving the way I was.� Prior to my new diagnosis, I thought I was going through depression- which I'd been through before, and that is what my Dr. was treating me for; I also had the repeat thought that maybe I was just "changing" somehow.
� It was scary in the sense that I felt I had no control over some of my actions.� Many of the things I did were on impulse.� But, it was also a relief to now understand why I was acting so out of character for me.�
� The good news, I was told, was BP can be managed with proper medications, such as Lithium, a commonly used mood stabalizer.� The bad news, my Dr. was unsure how long it would take to stabalize me, but even worse was if he could.� The reason for this was because I had went so long untreated, before I was properly diagnosed.� After many months of being manic, I was now learning the reasons behind my thoughts of simply "changing".�� If only that had been the reason......
� It was when all of these changes in my way of thinking began to take place that I began to question my life and how satisfied I was with it.� I realized I felt trapped in a marriage to a man that I loved.� That was a very conflicting feeling, and difficult to deal with.� I knew that I loved him, but I wasn't happy with him.� I wanted to go to college, study abnormal psychology -major mental illnesses- and then someday open up my own privately ran Residential Care Facility.� My husband was against it.� My dreams no longer seemed to be his......
� Over time I began to resent him for taking away my individuality.� Then because of the combination of him not letting me pursue my dreams, my unstable mood swings and other unrelated problems in our marriage, it began to fall apart.� For over a year I stayed with him despite my growing resentment because I loved him and I had so many happy memories of us.� Eventually that wasn't enough.� Bound with BP for life, after 7yrs of marriage, I asked for a divorce.
� My BP is far from stabalized, but thanks to a great psychiatrist, a combination of many medications and great support sytem, I am now functioning much better and feeling much more optimistic for my future.
� I am living in the country again, near my parents- I had wanted to move back there for a long time.� I have met a man I am very much in love with, who I think is wonderful.� He accepts my illness and is very patient with my different moods, though I think he is still trying to understand them.� He respects me as an individual, and I feel he is helping me start to rebuild the self-esteem I lost during my marriage.
� My BP definitely has an impact on my family, friends, my kids and most likely any future relationships.� But with the strong, loving support system I now have, I know that someday I will function at a level I feel confident in.
� As time goes by, I learn more and more about this illness that has changed the course of my life and I am beginning to be able to identify symptoms before they get too far out of control.� There are still occassions though, where I have to go to the hospital in order to manage my elevated emotions.� There I recieve injections that help me to sleep, and I am typically better afterwards.� There has been 3 times where I have needed actual hospitalization.� After about 7 - 10days they are able to stabalize me enough to go home.
� While BP is a serious illness and the incidents of suicide are higher than the general population, there is hope.� I haven't given up yet, I refuse to lose.� I have 2 children that are my world and I won't surrender until I've put up one hell of a fight.� I still have days where I feel I can struggle no longer, but I now believe the harder I have to struggle, the stronger I get.
� Anyone who is BP should learn about the illness as much as they can.� Knowlede about it is what gives me the power to try and gain control.
� Amazingly, I feel I owe a large pert of my recovery to a man who loves me and expresses it any way he can.� Then, of course there's my parents, with special consideration to my mom..... With out them, I may not be here today - especially with such a STRONG determination not to give up hope.........
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http://healthyplace.com/Communtities/Bipolar/Site/index.htm
http://healthyplace.com/site/tests/tests.htm
http://windsofchange.com/
http://www.fractalcow.com/bert/bert.htm
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I am very interested in helping others with bipolar and their families.� I am also happy to answer any questions anyone may have about my illness or to offer my encouragement and support.� Please feel free to contact me - You don't have to be Bipolar for me to respond.
� My web site is meant to be a place where I can tell my personal story, but also a place for people who are curious to know more, understand Bipolar better, ask questions, need feed back, or need someone to talk to.� I am a especially helpful for those who want to annonymously share anything they would like with me.� I will listen to anyone who asks me to, and offer any assistance I can to anyone who asks me for it.
� I am not a professional, and can not offer professional insight or advice.� I am a sufferer of Bipolar though, and can offer my own insights, thoughts and opinions that I have gained through first hand experience.
My name is Christina and I can be reached by e-mail at [email protected]
