is where
my crap goes.
I think my writing skills are starting to falter, at least when it comes to writing stories. I tried editing my book yesterday but it just seemed like crap. I quit before I impulsively deleted every single chapter of it. Then I tried writing a new book idea, but that turned out like crap, too. I don't know why it seems like that but it does. I've got to do a lot more writing, because I'm worried that my skills are fading away, because I don't use them enough or something. Writing is my life, though. I have no idea what to do about it though.
Maybe I'm just feeling a little incompetent for the moment. I don't know. Ach, the pains of being a writer. Hopefully school will offer more opportunities to "hone" my skills, as Taryn would say. The first two days of school definitely offered inspiration--whether good or bad--for some writing.
Okay, so my writing isn't going down the toilet. Last night I was talking with a couple friends and thought of a new writing technique. Personify your emotions with a character, make a character from what you're feeling. It's pretty simple, but it worked like a charm, and I came up with a pretty darn nice Prologue-type thing for a new book or a new story. I'm going to show Mrs. Adkins a copy of it and see what she thinks. I might put it on the website, but I'm not sure.
I don't think people are going to visit my website very much. I mean, I do update it but people might not check back or anything. Oh, well. At least it's here, and it gives me something to do.
... ugh ... You know this thing about feelings? It sucks. It SUCKS. I just ... it sucks.
So, wow. That's really all that can describe everything I've been feeling lately. On one hand, one person I'd almost given up on talking to again ... I finally got to talk to her again. Hearing her voice again, and her laugh, and knowing how much watching Angelina Jolie as Lisa in "Girl, Interrupted" has and will always remind me of her and sometimes make me sad if I miss her already. She's turned her life around completely and it's ... she has pieces of me that know one will ever know exist. She is possibly the most important person in my life. She always will be one of those people that always linger in the back of your mind, you know? I talked to her on the phone last night until 10:45 p.m. which is later than I'm even allowed to talk to anyone on the phone. After I got off the phone with her, I wrote her a four page letter and sent that off today.
And, the other half of my emotional worries went away today as well, too. The person that I've been hoping to finally talk to and everything, well, she's grounded but she seemed like she was sort of sad she couldn't call me (wrote a note to her and it had my numbers in it) and it's just been, great.
*happy sigh*
So what if I was a bit delusional thinking that perhaps I had a chance of becoming closer friends with her? It's okay. I've dealt with it. I wrote my (hopefully) final letter to her in my "letters to nobody" section of the website. I've also written a lot more poetry lately and I'm going to put all that up after I finish typing this.
I've been busy with newspaper crap, which I still have to do (damnit). Also, homework, studying, etc. I'm a little stressed, not having some things done that have to be done by next week's newspaper meeting.
There's also a few other stressors but overall I'm pretty happy. Just tired a lot. Starting too many projects at once.
Art, comic, books to be read, book to continue working on, obsessed with watching Xena. I ... really need to take a chill and stop obsessing about things.