I can't imagine how scared you were. How hurt. How alone you must've felt. You're not alone. Not ever.
Sometimes I think about maybe saying something to you, but I can't even so much as get a "Hi" out or encourage myself to go find you. Maybe you just want me to go away. I wouldn't blame you if you did want that. I'm probably just being my lame, insecure self as always, but only certain people seem to bring that out of me. You're one of those people, but only because I see the light inside you but I can't figure out how to show you that it's there.
All of this is all so unconditional. I feel guilty for what I've probably done to you, through some of the things that have happened. You're one of the closest friends I've ever had and I know I would do anything for you. I know I'm probably not one of your closest friends, because I'm not that spectacular or anything, but I still care a lot about you. So do a lot of other people.
I think about you a lot lately and it kind of drives me crazy. It would probably bother you if you actually did read all this. Maybe that's why I'm putting this letter on here, in the hopes that you'll find it and realize that you're the one I'm talking about in this letter. I can't really breathe right sometimes when I think about what I should say to you. I shouldn't panic, but you make me panic sometimes. I want to be a part of your life so bad but I don't think you want that. I wish we were better friends than we are.