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Sunny Side Up with Kathleen Gibson September 3, 2008 A Good Marriage Needs Time and Communication The Preacher officiated at a wedding this past summer. He performed it in his former church. But since he no longer had an office in that church, he gave the almost-weds their pre-marital counseling in our living room. �Have you finished counseling those two now?� I asked him one day. It had been weeks since I�d seen the pair of young lovers sitting hand-in-hand on our couch. He nodded. �Our final session was on communication.� Thirty-two years ago we had no counsel to prepare us for wedded bliss. I�ve always been curious about what we should have learned. �What�d you tell them?� �Well,� he said, �I encourage them never to talk to each other while they�re in separate rooms, for one.� That he picked that item so fast didn�t surprise me. I�ve hollered at him from all the rooms of all the houses we�ve lived in�while he�s been in a different room. I always forget how much it irritates him. �Really?� I said. �Does that improve a marriage?� �The couples I�ve counseled tell me it does. Yelling from another room always increases tension.� �Perhaps I should go see a marriage counselor.� He grinned and shook his head. �You�d never listen to a marriage counselor.� I don�t know why he thinks that. I�ve listened to one for years, sitting in one of the front pews as he preaches. But he�s right about the tension. It�s almost impossible to keep a marriage together when you don�t make communication a priority. We joke about our marriage, but these days our jokes contain fewer barbs of uncomfortable truth. Our joint fight against the Preacher�s West Nile Disease has created a bond we didn�t have back in our �healthy� days. When we were both full-bodied, like a good cup of tea, we took far too little time to really communicate. And the Preacher was right�much of that communication took place from separate rooms�or separate cities, or countries, during long absences from each other. One of us was often gone from home for some reason or other. Once upon a mosquito, though, our marriage began changing. For six months, as the Preacher recovered in hospital, we enjoyed unparalleled times of togetherness. As his brain began the slow healing, we discovered genuine, heartfelt communication once more. A few months into the Preacher�s illness, I sent this message to friends back home: From fresh experience with the fragility of life, PLEASE come home early sometimes, just to enjoy each other, to be still together, to walk hand in hand or do together whatever helps you shut out the rest of the world for a while. Forget about work and debt and kids and church and problems, and focus on being grateful for the wondrous gifts God has given of his Son, and life and love, and movement. We are truly 'as grass', and may not have the opportunity tomorrow. Even if your wedding is long past, I say the same to you. �2008, Kathleen Gibson |
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