| Sunny Side Up Dec. 29, 2004 �2004, Kathleen Gibson Exploring the spaces between This column marks Sunny Side Up's two hundredth. On beginning, I wondered how I'd come up with something new each week. I needn't have worried. The things I write about most - ordinary life and everyday faith - are not merely weekly; they're daily. Hourly. Minute by minute and second by second. Consequently, I have far more material than I'll ever use. But I think harder and work longer on the columns that run during the week between Christmas and New Year's than most. Set apart by its festivity from the run-of-the-mill routines of the old year, but not yet linked to the new, this week begs its own definition. In many ways, this time reminds me of 'the spaces between' we all land in sometimes. You know what I mean; the tunnels, sometimes interminably long and uncertain, which link our life's ingredients - relationships or jobs, actions or attitudes, locations or perspectives. I'm there just now. Friends who know me best have repeatedly told me that since returning from my trip to India earlier this year, I'm changed. They're right. India has settled softly in me, like the fine dust from a pebbled road settles on all nearby. She has sifted through my cracks, seeped through my closed doors. Changing are my perspectives on humanity and Divinity. On poverty and richness. On Christian faith, its God, and those who claim relationship with him. India, I've found, must be accommodated. Not a day goes by that I don't feel her gentle yet inexorable shifting of inside, previously undefined parts of me. The result is this: I frequently feel suspended between two realities, often searching for a new way and new words to express the shape of the changing world within. But words, too often futile boats, fail me often. I'm inhabiting another 'space between' these days. Our daughter is expecting the Preacher's and my first grandchild in April. I am, as I write, no longer a mother only - I'm a grandmother-in-waiting. Delighted, but exploring for real the expectations I long carried about my eventual grandmotherhood: I will get fat (again.) I will learn to bake cookies (again). I will have all the time in the world (again). I will mind babies for free as often as needed (again). I will put my work aside to cater to my family's needs first (again). This space between, though full of anticipation, provides its own uncertainty. Not all those expectations remain possible or comfortable, though they carry a certain enticement (especially the cookie part). So who is "Kathleen Gibson, grandmother" and what will she be, really? God knows - but I don't. As uncomfortable as they are, I've come to a conclusion about these times: If we fearlessly admit and explore the uncertainties in our life, we emerge changed. Most importantly, if we let him, God is able to make our 'spaces between' fertile ground for both spiritual and personal growth. Whatever 'spaces between' are in your life, I wish you strength, and I pray you God. You can respond to this column at [email protected] |
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