1-2-3 Years...
Chapter Fifteen
Being a parent of a school going kid, meant that sleeping in late was a privilege only for weekends. But, Jena usually slept late regardless, thrusting most of her daughter's morning responsibility on her girlfriend. But somehow due to some reason, every woman she ever loved always took a sadistic pleasure in interrupting her sweet morning nap, including her own offspring. Whose little figure she could feel standing in the front of her even though her eyes were completely shut. If she had a choice she would just turn around and continue dozing off, but being a parent usually meant that you don't have a choice when it came to your child. So, she opened her eyes and looked at her little angel who was staring at her too scared to wake her up.
"What happened?" She asked with clear agitation.
"My toothpaste is finished." The little hands raised up a severely squeezed tube in proof of her statement.
"Then get another one." Jena closed her eyes knowing that there was no emergency for her to keep them open.
"But that is on the top shelf of the storage closet and I can't reach it."
"Where is B?"
"She has gone for a run and she isn't back yet."
Jena opened her eyes for the second time. She blinked couple of times to make sure they were functioning right before she grousing sat up. She wanted to tell Eve to wait till her girlfriend was home, but it was of no use, her sleep was already disturbed. So, she stood up and walked towards the storage closet. She took out a new tube of paste and handed to her daughter.
"Mom.... Now that you are already awake." Eve started before she went to her bathroom.
"Yeah?"
"Can we have banana and pineapple pancake for breakfast?"
Jena questioningly squint her eyes for a second wondering if she really wanted to labor for pancake that morning. She then looked down at her daughter, who always asked for her favorite breakfast every chance she got.
"It's okay if you want to go back to sleep. I'll just have toast and butter that B makes." Eve added knowing that mentioning the poor alternative was the key to making her mother head to the kitchen.
And Eve was right. "Toast and butter is not breakfast. I'll make my baby some banana and pineapple pancakes." Jena complied.
Half an hour later when her girlfriend walked in from her morning run, she was greeted with the sweet aroma of the pancake mixed with the fruity scents of both banana and pineapple, two of her favorite fruits.
"Ummm....pancakes." She said watering her mouth and heading directly to the kitchen where Jena was stacking them up, and Eve was awaiting it seated in the head of the dining table only couple of feet away.
"What's the occasion?" She asked surprised that her 'not a morning person' girlfriend was up and making pancake for breakfast; a treat that was only for the weekends when the first meal of their day was pushed to 10am.
"No occasion. I had to wake up because she was out of toothpaste. Since I was already awake, I figured why not?" Jena explained accepting a light kiss on her cheek from her girlfriend.
"She was out of toothpaste huh?" She repeated walking towards the refrigerator. "Didn't I just open a new tube for you last night?" She asked. Then she figured what the young Rollins must have done. "You picked up the empty tube for the garbage didn't you?"
Jena stopped just for a second and glared at her daughter, realizing that she was duped into making pancakes. "I can not believe I fell for that." She said aloud since Eve refused to look at her directly. "If you wanted pancakes, you should have just asked for it. You didn't have to play games."
"That you can't blame her for." Jena's girlfriend always defended the little Rollins. "Because she inherited that from you. Playing games must be genetically embedded in both of you." She took a moment to gulp down a glass of orange juice as per her daily routine. "I just wish you would have inherited more of your dad's traits than your mom's." She approached Eve, purposely inserting Ray�s name in her sentence.
Ever since Jena had told her that Eve had shut down regarding her father, she always made it a point to talk about Ray, so that Eve would respond. But her attempts had only failed till then, just like Eve ignored her sentence at that instant.
"And here I am enduring both of you." She complained pouring herself another glass of oj allowing Eve off the hot seat.
Jena walked up to her daughter squeezed her from the side as a rescue attempt. "But you love us both regardless right?" She asked the one question that Eve always loved to pose her girlfriend, whom Eve adored.
She took a moment to stare the mother and daughter flashing their smiles like they were waiting for a picture to be clicked. She couldn't help but smile at the duo she had fallen in love with the moment she had met them, almost over three years ago. But she didn't want to satisfy them both by giving an immediate answer. She wanted them to wait and surfer a little.
"Unfortunately, yes." She tried her best to make it sound like a disappointment but failed miserably.
"See now that wasn't that difficult was it?" It was Eve who said it. "It is always good to admit to your true feelings." That was another trait that she had picked up from her mother. She gave expert advice as though she was a licensed psychologist.
"I'll keep that in mind Dr. Rollins." She said indulging the little doctor.
In the mean time Jena put down the pile of pancakes in the center for her small family, and sat across her girlfriend on the left of Eve. As soon as she sat down, she handed Jena some mail. The moment she saw the bunch in her hand, Jena knew she was going to get it for not checking her box. Something that Jena rarely did figuring that it was her who went for morning runs so she could do it. But since her girlfriend didn't use their address for mail, she only checked it once in a while and if she saw more than a fair daily shared cumulated in the box, she always complained.
"There is nothing important for me to check the mailbox everyday." Jena offered her explanation before she was yelled at.
She only got a hopeless nod in response.
"See..." Jena flipped through them. "Junk...Junk...Oh! Here is something for Ms. Eve Rollins." She pulled it out of the pile and showed it to them both.
"Must be a Halloween invitation." Her girlfriend said as Eve eagerly took envelope addressed to her.
"About the Halloween what do you plan to be this time?" Jena asked still going through her mail.
"I am going to be Snow White." She said proudly.
"Weren't you Snow White last year?"
"Yes, but I like being Snow White and B said I can be Snow White every year if I want to."
"Well, then if B says you can be then I guess you can be." She didn't question her girlfriend's authority. "Here." She handed the dark haired southern beauty in front of her an envelope. "It looks official. You read it."
She took the mail and opened it while she watched Eve finish her pancakes. "Finish the juice too." She warned knowing that that was one thing Eve always tried to get out of.
Half way through the juice Eve put down her glass and looked at her mom, hoping that she didn't have to finish it. But, Jena nodded her head and Eve took the glass again and drained the empty.
"Honey, do me a favor. Can you just get ready on your own today? I need to talk to your mom." She asked once she was done reading the letter.
"Okay." Eve obeyed getting up. She took the plate and put it on the sink before she left.
"So, what was the letter about?" Jena asked once Eve was out of the room.
"Your wish comes true."
"Apart from you?" Jena asked still in cheerful mood.
"As a matter of fact, yes." She answered without any kind of reaction so Jena had no idea what the letter was about. She took it to read it herself. "It is a letter from Olivia's lawyer saying that she wants to fight for Eve's custody."
"How is that my wish come true?"
"Oh come on Jen....ever since I met you and you told me about what happened, I know it as a fact that the reason why you till today hate Olivia is because you feel that she abandoned Eve for her career. Now, here she is willing to fight for her, so I guess finally your wish is coming true." She always managed to see right through the two Rollins she loved the most.
Jena remained quite. She wasn't about to admit to her girlfriend that she was right.
"The only thing I wonder is what you did to make her want it now. After these many years. What game did you play Jen?" She asked without getting upset or angry.
Jena did not answer.
"Jen?" She asked again with a little more pressure in her voice.
"I don't know." Jena got up feeling uncomfortable. She gathered the glasses as she offered more. "She might have been upset when I filed for restriction order against her from Eve." She walked passed the dining area and to the sink that was behind her girlfriend to put the glasses.
"You did WHAT?" She did a 360 of her head and body and glared at her, unable to believe what she just heard.
"She was following me, B? And Eve. What was I to do? I just thought it was good for all of us."
"And you didn't think it was important for me to know that." She asked now getting a little upset and angry at the same time.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you. The last thing you need to worry about is my ex stalking our daughter."
"No, the last thing I want is for your ex to be filing for custody for OUR daughter."
"I know and she can't do that. Not legally. I won't let that happen. In fact let her file for it and I'll make sure that she is..."
"She is what, destroyed?" She interrupted since she knew exactly what Jena was after. "You are going to make sure you trash her career. And that will definitely satisfy you and we can finally keep her behind us?"
"Sounds like a plan, don't you?" Jena flashed her devilish grin.
"No. And you are not going to do it." She said unwilling to join her girlfriend's evil plan. "You are going to stop this right here, right now."
"But B...."
"No." She stood her ground. "I have taken your silly games for as long as I can. And this is where I draw the line. Sweetheart look, I understand your side. And I am on your side believe me. But as much as I feel for you, this is just going too far now. She is Eve's mother as much as you are. You want to punish her by denying it. That is between the two of you. But I don't want to make a public scandal of our lives because you can't forgive her."
"B I am ready." Eve's voiced shouted from her room.
"Coming." She answered but she remained seated waiting for Jena to respond.
Jena sulkily looked away as though she was just told that she couldn't go to circus to see the clown.
"Okay fine. Have it your way, have the freaking drama." She said giving up, knowing how much Jena had been planning for that very moment. "But don't let it reach the court. I am warning you, if this goes to court, I'll leave you and take Eve with me. And unlike Olivia I have adopted Eve legally so I'll give you a fight that you might loose." She warned before she got up and left to tend to the other Rollins.
Jena held on to the letter that comprised of just a paragraph that held Alex Cabot's signature as her lawyer. Her daughter and girlfriend had left by then. But she still read and re read the letter she had expected seven years ago, but Olivia had given up and left. Still just like her girlfriend had put it, that little letter was her wish come true.
She picked up the phone and called her office to make her next move.
"Hey Alice." She addressed her assistant. "Please print out a letter to Detective Olivia Benson from me. Write only two sentences. I'll see her in court if she is prepared to loose it all. The choice is hers."
"Yes that is exactly what I want you to word it as." She reconfirmed.
"No, I don't want you to call Jennings, this is not a case he can handle." She answered when her assistance asked if she needed their company lawyer to be informed, since court was mentioned. "But do me a favor, keep my day clear. I have a feeling the day is going to turn out interesting. And also make sure the letter is hand delivered so that Olivia gets it today."
She kept the phone satisfied. Regardless of what her girlfriend warned her against, she was going to have her revenge on the one woman the thought of whom, still pained her heart.
Two hours later Olivia was reading the letter that consisted of only two sentences. But unlike the last time, this time she was prepared with a choice. She took out her phone. She first dialed her girlfriend. Alex's phone directly went to voice mail, which meant her phone was off. Probably because she was in the court. Then she dialed for her other lawyer. She quickly detailed what she was about to do and hung up and switched off her phone before she braved into the Captain's office.
"She is doing WHAT?" Alex was screaming into the phone.
As soon as she had got out of the Judge's chambers she had checked her messages. When she heard Olivia's she had tried to call back but it had directly went to the voice mail. Then she had called Cynthia whom she was talking as she was walking.
"I get what she wrote in the letter but that doesn't mean that ...." She stopped herself. It was no use screaming at the other woman when Olivia was the one who needed to hear her reasons. "I don't understand why Olivia wants to make a career suicide." She reached the office door and she knocked on it. "But I am not going to let that happen."
"Come in." She heard from inside.
She opened the door. "Look I know what Jena wants and I am going to give it to her." She was still talking as she entered the office. "I am going to go to the precinct right now and get Olivia. No, I don't need you to come. Thanks anyway Cynthia." She said ending her phone call.
"Abbie." She addressed her boss whose office she was now in. "I need a favor."
Abbie only looked up allowing the younger woman to continue.
"It's personal and I have to take the rest of the day off."
"But don't you have a meeting with Judge Ashcroft in what, 15 minutes?"
"Yes. Can you cover for me?" Alex took out a file from her case and put it in the southern belle's desk. "Please."
"Fine go." She took the file but with clear sign of protest.
"Thanks." Alex said just before she turned and headed out.
"Alex." Abbie called before she was gone. "Give Jena what she wants." She said almost as though she knew what she was talking about.
Alex wondered for a second, then she realized that her boss had heard her conversation when she had forgotten her manners. And now she was getting teased for it.
"I am going to." She replied with the same jolliness as she exited.
"I hope so." Abbie said to herself long after Alex was gone.
When Alex reached the precinct Olivia was still in Cragen's office so she didn't even bother with formalities and headed right to the door. The moment she opened it all pairs of eyes glared at her for barging in.
"Cabot, can I help you?" Cragen asked surprised at the intrusion.
Alex took a second to look around the room that was crowded with all of SVU detectives including Olivia who was sitting on the edge of her Captain's desk and by the look of it Alex had interrupted.
"I guess she just told you all." Alex figured out loud.
"Nothing we didn't know." Munch who wasn't impressed with Olivia's coming out speech was the first to speak.
"So, now you are going to say, you are with her." Fin added. "Congratulations. But I don't get the big deal here?" He said in his not caring but caring attitude.
"The big deal here is that Eve the little girl from Whalen Davis case is my daughter and we are going to court to get her custody. Which might drag everything out in the papers. I just wanted you guys to hear it from me first." Olivia relieved herself of the burden she had come to unload.
"Wow your daughter!" Elliot reacted for the first time.
"When did that happen?" Fin asked like it was a legitimate query.
"Eight years ago." Alex answered for her girlfriend.
She had actually come to prevent Olivia from coming out but since she was too late, she decided to stand by her and give her her support.
"A gay custody case, it does mean a lot of headlines especially since you are a cop." Captain Cragen was the first one to point the real issue at hand.
"In SVU to add to that." Elliot joined in.
"I know." Olivia concurred the worry. "If you want I am willing to resign before any of it hits the roof. That might at least put the department at bay."
"I doubt it." Munch answered. "Detective or ex-detective to the readers of the gossip column it doesn't matter. The department will be dragged in, no matter what."
"I wish there was another way, but I can not back down this time. I am sorry." Olivia offered almost guiltily.
"Don't be." Fin too wanted his say. "Why should you even quit? It's like me saying I am gonna quit coz I am black. That don't make sense."
"I agree." Elliot second Fin's word. "You don't have to quit over this. We are behind you on this. Right Captain?" He asked. He certainly didn't want to loose his partner and very good friend over silly fear of bad press.
"Right." The Captain got up from his chair and joined his detectives in the center of his office. "I'll make some calls. See if we can find some buffer for the dirt that might be thrown around. But I am not going to loose one of my best detectives just because she is gay or because she is about to go through an ugly court battle. Is there anything else?" He asked making his decision and leaving no room for any doubt.
"No." Olivia nodded thankful for support as always. "Thanks Captain." But this time it needed to be said out loud.
"Good then everyone back to work. I have some friends to call."
"Except." Alex who was standing right beside her girlfriend the whole time spoke. "I would hold off on those calls right now. I think I can get this over with, without going to the court."
"But Alex I just received a letter that said...."
"I know what it says. But I also know what Jena wants." Alex said. "Think about it Olivia, every single time you have told me about Jena you have said that she is still angry with you." She looked at Fin, the detective she knew always spoke his mind. "If you are angry with someone what is the first thing you want to do?" She asked him.
"I want to kick his butt." Fin answered honestly.
"Exactly." Alex said satisfied with the answer.
"Jen wants to kick Olivia's butt?" Elliot asked a little skeptic about the blonde's conclusion.
"No, she wants a fight, a confrontation." Alex made it clear. "Think about it Olivia. You said that you were not sure what Ray said to her or didn't. I am sure you want to make that clear to her. And I am sure she wants to know the reason for it and all."
"Yes, but I have tried talking to her. But ..."
"Did you really or did you just keep quite like you always do." Alex knew her girlfriend by now to know that even if Olivia had a chance to answer, she must have just let silence take over.
"Look, it is hard to give straight answers to anything." Olivia tried to make excuse of her handicap to talk about anything that she had bottled up till it choked her.
"You don't have to give answers." Alex was the answer to Olivia's shortcomings. "I will. And that is why we are going to her office right now. And I'll do the talking. But we will give Jena what she wants."
Forty five minutes later Alex in her slick business suit and Olivia in her semi formal work attire were standing in front of Alice, Jena's assistant. Couple of minutes later they were in conference room waiting.
"I am not sure about this." Olivia said taking out her cigarette and putting it between her lips. "I need to smoke right now." She said before lighting it up.
"Relax, like I said, I am going to do all the talking." Alex put hand on the detective's back and rubbed it up and down.
But the last thing Olivia was was relaxed. She couldn't be. That was not where and how she wanted to fight for Eve. If she had a choice she would have fled from there but Alex had absolutely given her no wriggle room to escape. So, she remained in that room waiting and puffing smoke, finishing almost half of the cancer stick within couple of minutes. Just then the door behind them opened.
"Ms. Rollins." Alex as she had promised did not mind being the first one to speak. "I don't know if you remember me but I am ...."
"I remember you." Jena answered as she walked to the other side of the table to sit across the detective. "I didn't know you were bringing your blonde bombshell." She said to her ex girlfriend.
"Jen." Olivia snapped at the condescending manner she had described her girlfriend.
"After the shit she pulled on you the last time, I am surprised you are still in the scene. I thought lawyers had a little more sense than that."
"You mean sense like yours. I am glad I don't." Alex said giving Jena an easy hand. "Anyway I think it's best to get to the matter we came here for."
"Oh! Yeah....what was it?" Jena pretended to be thinking before she spoke. "Yes, about what her being MY daughter's mother. Now if I remember correctly wasn't it SHE who said to me, and I am going to quote your girlfriend on this. 'I am not her fucking mother'."
"Damn it Jen....seven fucking years later and you are still hanging on to that one freaking sentence." Olivia had known that Jena would throw that on her face but hadn't been prepared for the hurt the repetition of her words caused.
Alex once again stepped in.
"That was a heated moment and anything she said then ...."
"Was what? She didn't mean it. Or may be she was waiting for an opportunity to blurt out her real feelings."
"Jen you know I didn't mean it." Olivia defended herself. "After all you were the one who wasn't there..."
The door opened before she could finish. Both Olivia and Alex turned around to see who it was. Their jaws dropped and eyes remained popped as they both recognized the woman who entered.
"I am sorry, I am late." She apologized. "I had to cover for a colleague." Abbie explained walking past the two gawking woman.
"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked what they were both thinking.
"Oh! I am her lawyer." She informed and walked across to Jena's side of the table. Gave Jena a kiss in the cheek and sat down right next to her. "So, what did I miss?" She asked the two speechless women.
"Not much. Frankly speaking I don't even understand why we have to go through this. I want to see them go to court." Jena filled in challengingly.
"There is no need for that. We are all civilized adults. I am sure we don't have to make a public scandal of our lives." Abbie hoped aloud looking directly at Alex. "About the legal aspects of the case, even though you might be able to get a liberal judge to take it and make big headlines out of it. But you do realize that legally Olivia has absolutely no ground to claim right on Eve?"
"On the contrary I do believe that we might have some legal ground here." Alex said taking out couple of documents from her file. "Here is a copy of legal guardianship that Mr. Whalen had given her."
"Ray did what?" Jena snapped but Abbie put her hand over hers to stop her from another outburst.
"So, I believe for her to completely deny Olivia of any contact with Eve, is not legally plausible." Alex put her case.
"That might have been true if this letter was still valid." Abbie was quick to counter, too. "This document or any other including any verbal promises he might have made regarding Eve, were all forfeited when he gave up his parental right about two years ago."
"He gave up his parental right?" It was Olivia's turn to react.
"Yes." Abbie said mirroring Alex's earlier action and taking out a paper from a file in front of her. "He did that so that Jena's partner could adopt Eve."
"You let some stranger adopt our daughter." Olivia burst out. "You have the galls to put restriction order against me and you let any bitch you fuck adopt Eve. Let me guess 'B' right?" She recalled Eve talking about Jena's girlfriend. "Who the fuck is this B anyway?"
"You are looking at her." Abbie answered without loosing her cool.
Olivia was stumped. Alex was not. She had already read Abbie's name in the adoption papers she was reading through.
"You..." Olivia sat back a little shocked and speechless for the second time.
"Yes me." Abbie turned to her girlfriend to confirm their relationship.
"I cannot believe that you can't see through her." Olivia shook her head disappointed at the former ADA.
"I actually can see through her. As a woman who did her level best to please the one she loved. Just so that she could turn her back on her." Abbie did not always approve of Jena's ways. But she didn't blame Jena for what had happened.
"And that is what she has you believing?" Olivia questioned Abbie's choice, just as Jena had questioned Alex's judgment earlier.
"No, that is what I concluded after knowing all the facts." Abbie just like Alex did not take offense and was behind her girlfriend hundred percent too.
"What facts? The fact that...."
Alex put her hand on her girlfriend's to stop her from continuing. Abbie had successfully kept Jena calm and was taking over the conversation, and Alex knew that to achieve any results she had to do the same. So, she decided to butt in even though Olivia was fully charged and in attack mode.
"Let me." She insisted before she turned to their opponents.
"Talking about facts. Going back to the case at hand." Alex brought the actual topic back to the table. "Let us not forget that Olivia was the one who inseminated Jena. So, that alone should give her a de-facto second parent status."
"Should yes, but it doesn't. Olivia did not adopt Eve. I did. And I am her second parent. And there is no precedent to grant a de-facto parent status no matter what the circumstances of the conceiving was." Abbie agreed and disagreed at the same time.
"Actually there is. In a case of Jennings vs. Daniel in 2000 a civil court in California ruled for the Mr. Jennings who was an impotent man who got Ms. Daniel his long time girlfriend pregnant through artificial insemination. The court ruled that Mr. Jennings has all the rights of a biological father. So, here we have a similar situation not to mention the fact that unlike Mr. Jennings and Ms. Daniel, Olivia and Jena were married at the time Eve was conceived."
"That is a nice find." Abbie was impressed with Alex's research. "But that is a finding for a heterosexual couple, not for a homosexual one. Even the marriage or the civil union that you refer to is not recognized by the state of New York so for them to recognize Olivia as a parent regardless of my own belief on the matter, would be a hard one to prove."
"But we are willing to try to prove it if Jena still wants to keep the restriction order on."
"You can try. The restriction order stays." Jena spoke after a long time. She wasn't about to let go of her stand.
"We are not really looking for a custody battle here." Alex clarified. "We just don't think that throwing Olivia completely out of her life is fair. Even if she is not told about who Olivia is, but just an assurance that if God forbid something like what happened repeated then Olivia can be there for her. Just as she was there for her the last time."
"No." Jena wasn't budging. "Why now Liv? After all you were the one who said you were not her mother?"
Alex saw Abbie let go of Jena's hand allowing her girlfriend the full liberty to have her heart's say. She took the cue from her boss and let loose of Olivia's hand too allowing her the same freedom. This time Olivia needed to give her own answers.
"I made one fucking mistake and I have been apologizing for it ever since. I even followed you to Washington." Olivia defended herself feeling for the first time that she could counter Jena's accusations.
"Come on Liv you can claim calling her not your daughter a heated moment, then I certainly can say that shutting you off and moving to Washington was mine. But then you left. You gave up and left." Jena pointed out the key word, 'left'.
"What was I supposed to do....how long was I supposed to wait?"
"If you really thought Eve as your daughter, as long as it was needed. But of course not. Detective Benson could not wait. She had her fucking career to come back to." She directed it to Alex as though she was trying to warn the woman in love with her ex.
"I didn't leave for the job. I left because Ray asked me to. And he made sense. You were never going to budge and you would have let Eve surfer just to see me hurt." Olivia made sure she eyes followed Jena's to emphasize the truth of her answers.
"Don't you fucking dare." Jena clarified once again with more volume and emotion. "Don't you fucking dare try and even tell me that you left because of Eve. You left because you were selfish and you chose your career over her."
"No, I didn't. I chose her happiness over mine. You want proof. Ask Alex about her room? Ask her how I have kept it all intact? I still live in the same house day after day, hoping that one day, she would come back to her home. To her room. You want to know how much it hurts to walk past that room and hear nothing but silence. No matter how many years has passed emptiness of that room still kills me. And it hurts more because you are right, I wanted her, it was me who wanted a baby. And it was me who was left alone. Don't tell me I left you alone, because I am the one who was all alone."
"No ..." Jena got up needing space away from the furniture around her. "You can't say that." Her index finger pointed at her ex unwilling to let her get off easily. "You can't talk about your hurt and pretend to be the victim."
"I am not pretending." Olivia got up too. Her index finger was pointed to herself as she recanted. "I am telling the truth. And you know that, because that was exactly what you wanted to do. You wanted to hurt me."
"You are right. But seems like that wasn't enough." Jena grabbed on Olivia's collars and jerked her unable to channel her anger through words anymore.
Both Abbie and Alex jumped and stood right behind their respective girlfriend but neither of them interrupted.
"Hit me..." Olivia challenged. "If that is going to make you feel better hit me."
But Jena didn't. She only glared at the woman for whom she had broken every one of her rule and given everything she possibly could in her life. Yet that love had run its course and now, for the first time they allowed themselves to cry for it. After couple of seconds she let go.
Jena turned and looked into the awaiting eyes of her girlfriend.
"She promised every bull shit." Olivia wasn�t the one she needed to explain anymore. There was another person whose understanding and approval mattered more. "I love Eve, you know I do. But I would be lying if I said having her didn't turn my life upside down. And hell it wasn't easy. You could have any fucking number of nannies that money can buy but ultimately I was the mother. And everything came down to me, and she wasn't there. Till you came through for us both, you know what kind of a whirlwind of a life I had. Please don't tell me I don't have the right to hate her. To want to hurt her, if I possibly can." Jena hoped that her hate wasn't misunderstood by the woman who was in her heart.
"You do baby. I understand completely." And Abbie did. She had understood that long time ago.
You could give your child everything that the money could buy, or sacrifice the world for her happiness but when she cries at night for no reason, if you don't have it in you to let go of every need your body feels and get up and be there for your child. Then you don't have it in you to be a mother. And contrary to mass assumption, not every woman can automatically be a mother, even if she gives birth. Abbie had known that about Jena and yet she had fallen in love with her. That�s why she understood more than anyone how much Jena must have cultivated hate and anger against the woman who had shoved a role upon her that she failed in miserably.
"Every fucking thing was so damn hard. I mean she was so tiny and she was there. And I didn't know what the fuck to do with her?" She outlined the beginning of a very confusing period for her. "But where was she?" That was the root of her hate. "She left. She never once turned back and now she thinks she can just claim to be her mother."
"No, she can't sweetheart." Abbie consoled agreeing with her every pain. "I won't let her."
"I am sorry." Olivia whispered allowing droplets of her tears to fall with her shield of denial that she had been protecting herself with. "I am so sorry." Olivia had no excuse anymore. She had denied it for as long as she could, and even camouflaged her fault with a pretence of waiting, but the heart of the matter was, that Jena was right. She had left. And she hadn't turned back. She hadn't turned back because she couldn't take it anymore. Each one of them wanting the other to take on more maternal role had caused constant fights everyday which Olivia was only glad had ended when they left. She had gone to Washington but only in hope to visit Eve, not to want Eve. Being a full time mother wasn't something that she had it in her to be. Something she had realized only after they had had Eve. But what she had refused to face was that she had left, leaving Jena with absolutely no choice to be otherwise. She had truly wronged Jena.
So she apologized over and over till she lost her strength but Alex was right behind to hold her. Keep her from falling. Her 'blonde bombshell' as Jena had earlier nicknamed her as, had seen right through her detective girlfriend the night she had opened up. Olivia was a lioness, who could protect and defend her cubs when there was danger but when there was no danger, and life was just a routine, Olivia just like Jena didn't have it in her to nurture. Alex had come to realize that about her girlfriend but regardless she still loved her just like Abbie who held tightly on to hers.
"You want to be a mother?" Jena wasn't done with Olivia yet. "I'll give you a chance. You want Eve to know who you are? Try explaining it to her yourself. Tell her who you are. Explain to her why you were not there? Explain to her what you want. Then I'll let her decide."
Alex was the first to react. A smile immediately formed on her face. They had won. She had won for Olivia. She had got Olivia her daughter back. She looked at the detective expecting a similar delight, but there was none. Olivia's face still bared frozen helplessness. Alex slipped her hand on hers and squeezed it to get out of her daze.
"How am I ....?" Olivia asked Alex. "I don't know what I can say....she is right."
"WE will explain it to her." Alex wiped her lovers tear's with a promise of partnership.
This is a contribution from Marisol.