| Memorable quotes |
| Never call a man a fool: borrow from him -Addison Mizner |
| I recently went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. -Steven Wright |
| Pilot, there seems to be a lot of turbulence... *gasp* you've been drinking... and you're a penguin. Wait a second... penguins can't fly. PENGUINS CAN'T FLY!! |
| I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my back. That could really put a crimp in your day. -Kryten, Red Dwarf |
| Your nickname was never "ace"! Maybe "Ace-hole"... -Lister, Red Dwarf |
| It's best to sit quiet and be thought a fool rather than to open your mouth and prove it. -Mark Twain |
| Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily? -Jerry Seinfeld |
| Good evening. Dan Rather here reporting for CBS news. Our top story: Today, Dan Rather and CBS News were dragged into court for the fifteenth time this year to face charges of slander and improper journalistic practices. Earlier, a CBS camera crew and I cornered myself outside my home and presented surprise documents proving my guilt. I had no comment. "GET THAT *@#! CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!" I reportedly said to myself. -Breathed Berkeley |