| It�s the most wonderful time of the year! Not Christmas, Chanukah, Ramadan, or even the Tet celebration of the lunar New Year. No, it�s Glarkhnor Day! Yes, Glarkhnor Day! The one day in the Satanist calendar that you can not only crush small animals with sledgehammers but that it�s recommended! For all of you philistine bigots out there who don�t know what Glarkhnor Day is, I hope you are consumed in eternal hell-fire, writhing in constant agony. Glarkhnor Day is the celebration of the day, April 30, prophesized in the Necromicon in which the Arch-Demon Nazgoth ascends to Earth and devours the soul of Jerry Falwell while damning all of humanity to suffer in the sulfur mines of Girkhaghan. In order to properly celebrate one must: in the morning have a hearty breakfast consisting of eggs, toast, and liquefied kittens followed immediately by a prayer directed to the Arch-Lich of the Church of Latter Day Satanists, Michael Dukakis. This is followed by ritualistic scarring ceremonies and Pin the Tail on the Donkey. After that, even more liquefied kittens. After all that praying to Dukakis and drinking kittens it�s time to relax to your favorite songs played backwards to emphasize the hidden meanings. Find the hidden terror in your favorite songs! Some of my favorites include �Ecnad Ytefas Eht S�ti� or �Erehwyreve Swobniar Dna Spopyllol, Enihsnus.� Frightening! After all that it�s time for the traditional Glarkhnor Day Feast: a living goat! Eat its brains and gain its strength! Unfortunately, the bureaucrats ruling America with their iron fists do not recognize Glarkhnor Day as a true holiday, mostly because I made it up on April 29. But when it begins raining blood and acid on them I will be laughing away as I descend ever deeper into my crippling madness. So remember kids! Support your local Satanist! Back to writings |