How much?
Why must I put myself through this pain and torture
People take and don't return
My feelings trampled on time and time again
Peers and family treating me the same
Feeling no love even though I'm desperate for it.
I try to be nice
I'd do anything for that feeling that no one gives me
Making me vulnerable to this pain
It's inevitable that I must go through this
A curse is on me
One that won't let anyone fulfill the need I have for belonginess
The tears that flow freely from my eyes is this only thing that fills my empty soul.
Some friends care
Or at least pretend to
But how much of it is real?
~Shana~
November, 2000
Just an update, now that I've rededicated my life to Christ, I haven't felt this way in a long time. My move down here to Whitewater changed a lot in my life. I feel welcomed and loved by my Campus Crusade for Christ friends, and I couldn't be happier. Thank you Lord for guiding me to this school.
