| >>>?=WALL |
| "The Martyr" by Rodin |
| in my eminent frustration, i visit a Madame. she said that (I had to) be very careful. she said there (was) some drama headin� (my) way at full throttle. she said make sure to wear (my) hip high water waders and brace (myself) for impact. she said there�s no escapin�. she said, �beaware�. what about love, i asked. she said that (was) a dumb question. i got a ticket the other day. sitting in my hatchback during a lunch break, i ate my tofu Penang and drank a 40. there was a tapping at my window. i thought it might be my chance, my one and only chance and then� he asked �what (I) (was) doing?� i said, eating. there was curry sauce down the front of my tattered k-mart v-neck t-shirt. he said �that�s not cool� and gave me a ticket. See, i try , i said, i try i know, she said, i know. you have to realize, as an astrologer, i be knowin� the truth, though. there�s no way around the stars. do you honestly believe a microscopic embryoptic homeostopit being like yourself is any true challenge to the way things are? �.i guess not� just brace yourself, girlie girl, that�s all you can do. �..but what ab- see, she said, that�s your problem. you think too little! time�s up, take care. WAIT! here�s another 50, indulge me, please�.. there was a sea of luxury automobiles set against the greenest, softest mountains you�ve ever seen. gentle wisps of tiddly clouds gliding through the sleepy town and i, misplaced, misshapen, mismatched, find myself in one of their supermarkets. there�s a woman in her 30s and her little girl no older than 5: (mac and cheese is holistic and on sale today, you want it immediately) hmmm�..let�s see�do you want mac and cheese for dinner, love bug? yahskkw ! ejeshtek!! yayayY!!Jjskas!!ak sjjsadksk �.? lovebug, shhhshhh, ok, love bug, ok, mummy�s getting mac and cheese for love bug, love bug wants it, don�t you, love bug? don�t you? you�re mummy�s little love buggy wuggy poofy woofy gluggity gluggy glugg, huh? (little girl is looking up at you and frowning) ghgekk? and suddenly, i�m aware that there�s a monster on my chin, itching and full of goo. i try to hide it from perfection, i try to twist my long, scarecrow hair around it but they all see it, she sees it�i feel so ashamed at having had an innocent creature see it�like�.it�s like� (a small girl who can�t skate, the rink needs to be cleared for the birthday boy�s hookie pokie dance, everyone leaves except the girl trapped on the other end where no exits exist, trapped clinging to the edge used to propel her forward, trapped on wheels longing to rip free in a bazillion different directions, trapped as a crowd watches and waits for the rink to be cleared of debris and those that can�t skate, trapped beneath their impatient importance, trapped until a clown breaks free of his party happy-go-lucky confines and comes out to get her while her family, her mother, watches and waits in irritation with the rest of them.) i make my way to the register in a hurry and there he is. he�s a bagger with bright yellow hair and black roots, three eyebrow rings, a septum bow and a smile. great big eyes swallow me up but not before i can pull my hair completely over the monster and pretend he doesn�t exist. i pay, i gather my bags from his arms and i risk a peek. his eyes never wander down to my monster, not once. they stay locked eternally with mine in this perfect lexus world. so what about that? that�s kind of love, isn�t it? i mean, it can lead to lo- was that little girl you?! oh my god, that's hilarious! that's not relevant! the part about the bagger, it's love, right? well, i mean, the beginning of lo- i�m not here to debate philomological matters, i�m here to read the stars and tell you what they�re saying, she said. is that what you want or no? i guess. i can tell you�re bull-headed because the exact moment of your birth coincides with Pluto being in the seventh element of blahditty blah blah.. uh-huh. oh really? uh huh. huh. you aren�t even paying attention!! you just want the juicy parts! life is suffering and pain bzzzzzzzzz juicy, interesting bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz youbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzlovebzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz just, tell me, how is it possible for others if it�s not possible for me? you Capricorns....you�re all alike. time�s up. |
 |