How Dogs and Men Are the Same
- Both take up too much space on the bed.
- Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
- Both are threatened by their own kind.
- Both mark their territory.
- Both are bad at asking you questions.
- Neither tells you what's bothering them.
- The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
- Neither does any dishes.
- Both fart shamelessly.
- Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
- Both like dominance games.
- Both are suspicious of the postman.
- Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
- Neither understands what you see in cats.
How Dogs Are Better than Men
- Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
- Dogs miss you when you're gone.
- Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
- Dogs do not criticize your friends.
- Dogs admit when they are jealous.
- Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
- Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch.
- Dogs never laugh at how you throw.
- Dogs do not feel threatened by your intelligence.
- You can train a dog.
- Dogs are easy to buy for.
- You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
- The worst social disease you can get from them is rabies.
- Dogs understand what "no" means.
- Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
- Dogs admit it when they're lost.
- Dogs are color blind.
- Dogs are not threatened if you earn more than they do.
- Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Where Dogs Fall Short
- Men only have two feet that track in mud.
- Men can buy you presents.
- Men do not have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
- Men are a little more subtle.
- Men do not eat turds on the sly.
- Dogs have dog breath all the time.
- Men can do math stuff.
- Men do not shed as much, and if the do, they hide it.
Bad Dog Go 
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