My first memories of being taunted and picked on were as a child of about 6 years old being called �roly-poly� by my fellow kindergarteners. I was never allowed to play with the small petite girly-girls because I remember one girl saying that �I was too big and should go play with the boys more my size�. My next memory is being called �the big little girl� or the �husky one� for as long as I could remember growing up by family members during my pre-teen years. Of course this eventually evolved into being called �the big-boned girl� and the �not-so-small girl� over the crucial teenage years. I remember my Dad saying to me when I was about 16 or 17 that if I would only loose weight I would probably have a boyfriend and that if I did loose weight, I would have the whole block lined up with guys waiting to ask me out. You know, to this day, that still stings and hangs over my head. What does he know? He�s never had an ounce of fat on him his entire life. I remember bawling in my room all night because he said that to me and as I sit here and type this; my eyes are starting to flood over.
School was rough growing up the fat girl. Always being teased and taunted and made fun of. It didn�t� help that I was always taller than average and large framed to boot with huge feet. I remember during the winter months, they would always build a fort out of snow chunks during recess and would make me stomp out the block of iced over snow because I had the �power� in my �lard-ass�. Of course I was always more than happy to oblige because even though it hurt when they said those things, it was still some sort of social interaction that I was happy to receive instead of sitting on the merry-go-round by myself and praying for the minutes to tick by until the bell rang to go inside. And then once inside I would sit and pray that we could go to recess or for the day to be done so that I could get out of my desk that never quite held me right because my fat roll hung over the top of it.
I remember once in the 6th grade when the boy I had a crush on had found out that I liked him through the person I thought was my friend. And of course she blabbed to everyone. So the friends of this boy passed me notes saying that Grant wanted to �go out� with me, meaning back then just talking on the phone and passing notes was the extent of your relationship�. I was very skeptical of course but Grant came up to me after school and said that it was true. So of course I told him that I would go out with him and he started laughing at me and said,� Do you honestly thing I would be caught dead going out with someone as fat and ugly as you?!?!? Get real!!� As I started to bawl and walk home, my heart heavy and self esteem even lower that it already was. His friends then encircled me with their bikes and continued to taunt me, and all I could do was try to keep walking and cry my eyes out.
Well enough bruised memories for tonight. I think I better hit the hay as it is now 12:46 am and I start my part-time job as cashier at Wal-mart at 9:00am sharp.
My trainer gave me a vest for work that we have to wear to take home to wear on Monday for the first official day of work. It�s a 2x, and you guessed it�drum roll please�..too small. So now I have to face the humiliation of quietly asking her if she has a bigger size. And of course she�s not even 5 feet tall and maybe 90 lbs at the very most. Go figure!