this chapter was my beta-reader(1)’s idea yet again. don’t blame me. <cheeky grin> and it’s a wee shorty one.

once more: JKR’s, not JR’s.

have patience, my little readers; it will all work out in the end…ie in a bout five chapters… :)

"Oy!"

Ron nearly jumped out of his seat. He glanced around the quiet common room before realizing the voice was coming from a floating red head in the fireplace. He shot a malicious look at his brother. "Isn’t it against the rules for you to be here?"

Fred grinned. "Of course."

George’s voice echoed from somewhere behind Fred. "That’s why you’re coming here."

Ron snorted. "Yeah, sure. Sounds like a fabulous plan when I’ve got loads of work to do and quidditch in a half hour."

Fred clucked his tongue, strongly reminding Ron of his mother. "Now, Ronald, don’t get in a tizzy, this will only take a moment or two."

George’s head took the place of Fred’s. "And you have no choice." Ron felt himself being yanked into the fire then spun round and round with familiar floo-queasiness. He landed a moment later somewhat gracefully on the hearth in the Burrow, quite annoyed and not about to listen to a word they had to say.

"We know you don’t want to hear it," Fred spoke from the kitchen table, "but it’s our duty."

George nodded beside him. "As big brothers."

"And responsible young men."

Ron stared at them, confused but still stubborn. "What in hell are you talking about?"

The twins shared a meaningful look and Ron got a horrible feeling he knew what this was about. Damn them. Why couldn’t people just mind their own business? He didn’t want to talk about it, especially, for Christ’s sake, with the twins.

"What?" he demanded.

Fred gestured at George to take the lead, which he did, with brevity. "We happen to know that you have, of late, been snogging a certain Head Girl. And we wish to give you some brotherly advice."

Ron groaned and covered his eyes. I am going to kill Ginny. Then a terrible thought occurred to him and his eyes snapped open. "She hasn't gone and told Mum, has she?"

They laughed lightly. "Not yet."

Jesus. What havoc these two could wreak. Ron took a breath and concentrated on the task at hand. "Listen, guys, spare me the birds and bees lecture. I think I have a fair idea of how it works."

"Now, now, Ronniekins, are we that shallow? Perhaps we brought you here to talk about other aspects of a relationship."

Ron set his jaw and looked at them squarely. "Well then, boys, you’re chasing the wrong Weasley — my relationship has no other aspects."

Both twins raised an eyebrow. "And does the illustrious Head Girl think the same?" asked Fred.

Ron let out a frustrated noise. "We’ve never sat down and talked about it."

"You haven’t?" George asked.

"No."

"Ever?" Fred insisted.

"No," Ron managed through clenched teeth.

"Not even, ‘Hey this is just shagadelic?’" George teased, affecting a girly voice.

Ron glared. "We haven’t even mentioned it." The twins looked at him as if he was hiding something. But he wasn’t. Well, not strictly speaking. He squirmed a bit. "Listen, we’re just—having a bit of fun. We’re seventeen, for Christ’s sake; you remember being seventeen," he said, with a pointed look in Fred’s direction. "Give me a break." He hoped it would do that trick.

Apparently not. Fred shook his head. "I’m afraid we can’t do that, Ron."

"And why on earth not?"

"Because we want our littlest brother to be happy."

Ron snorted. "That was almost convincing."

The twins looked overly affronted, then George leaned forward and regarded Ron with the most honestly serious expression Ron had ever seen on either of them. "We have your best interests at heart. Trust me."

"And what exactly are my best interests?"

"Not acting like a fool and doing something you may regret for many long nights to come."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Fred rolled his eyes and sighed. "Just hush up for a moment and listen, all right?" Ron blinked. "You’ve been after Hermione for years, as we all know—" Ron started to protest but Fred would have none of it. "—and now you’re lucky enough to have this perfect, uncomplicated arrangement, right?"

Ron nodded reluctantly. "Right."

Fred looked directly at him and asked the one question he didn’t want to hear. "What happens next?"

Ron’s mind put up a big blinking ‘out of order’ sign. "Nothing."

"And why is that?"

"Because—because that’s how we are. That’s how we want it. That’s how it has to be." Ron’s stomach felt like it was slowly tying itself into a complicated knot.

George laughed. "Three strikes, my friend."

Ron looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Well, one—that’s not how you want it, is it?"

Ron flushed. "Oh, so suddenly you know what I want and don’t want?"

Fred rolled his eyes. "Ron, please tell me you’re not daft enough to have ignored your state of perpetual glowing bliss since this arrangement with Hermione came to pass?"

Think fast, you git. "Well—of course I’m glowing! Ridiculous! Getting to be with a beautiful woman would make anybody glow!"

The twins chuckled openly.

Ron blinked. "What did I say now?"

George shook his head. "So you think she’s beautiful?"

Ron fought the urge to squirm. "Well, of course. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be after her, now would I?"

"But that’s all?"

Ron wondered where this line of questioning was headed. Then he sighed. Bugger all of them. "Of course not."

Fred raised an eyebrow. "So you admit it."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course I admit it. She’s bloody fantastic. When I look at her I think kids, I think grandkids."

Fred and George shared a grin, but Ron cut their glee short.

"That is not in your favour, boys."

Fred leaned forward, surprised. "How?"

Ron looked down at the worn kitchen table, absentmindedly tracing his finger along a groove in the wood. "Like I also said, it’s what she wants that matters." His voice was quiet. "And this is the way she wants it."

"Good," George put in quickly, "this was my next point. How are you so sure of this?" 

Ron looked up sharply, his eyes darkening. "Because she said so, all right? Because she told most of Gryffindor that she—and I quote—is certainly not interested in a relationship or any such romantic nonsense. That we’re just having a bit of fun." His head hurt just thinking about it.

Neither twins looked surprised. "And you’ve never questioned this?" George pressed. "Never once thought that maybe, just perhaps, she wasn’t telling the truth?"

Ron’s eyes widened. He honestly hadn’t ever even considered such a thing. "Why the hell would she do that?" The twins shared another chuckle, annoying Ron greatly. "Honestly! This isn’t just some ‘girl’ we’re talking about; this is Hermione."

"Ah," George said sagely, "but even Hermione is human."

"And your point?"

George game him a hard look. "There is another side to this story, Ron." 

Ron snorted. "And how would you know?"

The twins looked at him innocently.

Then it dawned on him. "Hermione’s been talking to Ginny, hasn’t she?" George nodded. "And Ginny’s been talking to you?"

"Yes." Fred had a small smile on his face.

Ron watched them for a moment, feeling a bit hopeful. "So what?"

"Well, little brother, that is what you need to find out." There was a dramatic pause.

Ron, his bit of hope dashed, abruptly lost his patience. "This is why you brought me here? To feed me some cryptic bullshit about human perspective in some half-assed attempt to goad me into wasting my time trying to solve someone else’s problems? Please!" He threw up his hands in disgust. "This is not my fault! I cannot fix this! She just doesn’t want to be with me!" He nearly choked on the words, and quickly stood, trying to tamp down his tantrum-throwing instinct. "This is ridiculous. I’ve got to get back for quidditch." He turned to leave.

George’s quiet words stopped him. "She loves you, Ron."

Ron’s heart squeaked to a halt. He swallowed hard and turned towards them. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Well, yes, but—"

"Just talk to her, all right?" Fred interrupted.

"That’s all we ask." George added sternly.

Ron just looked at them.

George waved him towards the fireplace. "Now, scoot!"

Ron’s eyes widened. "Leave? Now?"

George rolled his eyes. "Quidditch, remember?"

"Well, all right," he said reluctantly. He looked at both of them. "Thanks…I think…"

"Anytime," Fred said with a grin. "Scoot!"

Ron rolled his eyes and did as he was told. The floo made his stomach spin as his mind reeled from the conversation.

He landed with a soft thud in the nearly-empty common room and looked at his watch absentmindedly.

He swore loudly.

He was late again.

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* quoted to the illustrious president of the united states – or at least it was on SNL. :)

sorry for the austin powers reference. george refused to say anything else. in fact, he refused to let the chapter end the zillion times i wanted it to. <sigh> they just don’t shut up sometimes.

slight references to the Mallrats & Chasing Amy. another reference to 10 Things I Hate About You.