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Joe Senser's Softball
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BAR, LIKE ARK, SAFE HAVEN
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Joe Senser's Softball
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By Dan Hinrichs
Infield Correspondent
ROSEVILLE, MN- With thunderstorms rolling across the horizon, Senser's managed to take a game off the Gray Eagles and solidify Eastiro's managerial post for the rest of the season. "I was starting to worry a bit, a couple losses tonight and the players might have been clamoring for a return to Dirksen. Luckily our defense picked it up and Hinrichs managed to catch the right bus on the way out of downtown." Game 1 of the doubleheader was a classic pitcher's duel, with Brette Hjelle outdueling the other guy (who had a nasty "fake pitch" that fooled nobody) in a hard-fought 5-4 win. The win, however, was not without cost for Senser's, as Bill Remick destroyed his ankle rounding third base hard. "I heard that thing pop when he made that plant, and I'm deaf," the umpire behind the plate signed to our reporters. "Yeah, it's broken," Remick calmly stated to the dugout soon after he went down. There is no timetable for his return. Hopefully he took Randall "Pink" Floyd's advice and put some ice on it...after that it's nothing a few beers can't take care of.
Game 2 was in serious jeopardy of being called early, either by the thunderstorm approximately 43 feet away or by the 10-run rule. Apparently the other team didn't get the message of "make your innings go quick" that Senser's got. When the game was stopped for fear of someone getting juiced by a lightning bolt, Senser's was down 10-1 and really not close to scoring any more runs. However, in the shelter, Christian Peterson made a discovery. "I just saw a nice rolled up New York Times, Sunday edition, right underneath the storm gutter. I had to go out in the rain to get it, but anything was better than that Cedar Rapids paper I had been swinging." After 15 minutes, the players were called back onto the field to play in the soup. "I was kinda hoping it would get called off, then we could've gone to the bar without having lost," Mike Dirksen said. "They really would've gave us a ton of free stuff then." The delay proved to be exactly what Senser's needed, as Peterson parlayed that NY Times into two jacks ("I figured out that you have to swing hard to hit it outta here") and the team's bat's woke up. Unfortunately, the team ran out of innings and lost 13-11. "Actually, I didn't know what the hell inning it was," shortstop Dan Hinrichs said as the teams walked off the field. "Our bookkeeper was saying something about it being the 4th inning of the first game, and that you manp---ies should get out there." The scorekeeper, Mike Biebl, apparently wasn't impressed at all with CP's first dinger- when the umpire asked how many runs scored in that inning, he replied with "zero". "F--k if I f--kin' know how many f--kin' runs you manp---ies f--kin' scored, I was f--kin' staying out of the go---mn rain so I wouldn't get hit with a f--kin' lightning bolt." At the bar, CP admitted that his first home run was one of those rarely seen zero-run blasts.
The team encountered some bad luck at the bar, as the team could not make it up to the wheel for the life of them. However, in the challenge games, Mike Dirksen ran his streak to five consecutive wins on the wheel, further cementing his status as #1 bar performer. It is believed that this is the first time that anything associated with Senser's has won 5 in a row. However, the tab was high once again, and with the pending addition of some other Johnnies present at the bar, the team should be right on pace for a $2,000 total for the season.
Swelvax Player of the Week:
Christian Peterson. Two dingers after being summoned back onto the field, a power display rarely seen by someone wearing a blue shirt.
MVMP of the Week, presented by Mike Biebl:
Mike Biebl. Stated that Senser's scored zero runs in an inning that featured one of CP's jacks; also tried to convince the team that it was the 7th inning when it was really the 6th, proving that he was more interested in scoping out the 215 lb. ladies present on an adjacent field than the game.
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