Joe Senser's Softball

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SENSER'S FOOLED TWICE BY JOKERS

By Mike Dirksen, M.P.
Senior Visiting Consultant

ROSEVILLE, MN- Senser�s just did not have the spark at all tonight, losing both games to a disputed Joker�s club by scores of 17-5 and 19-18. The talk on the bench this evening was how the opponents took these games of �D� league softball a little too seriously. Most outraged by their childish behavior was Mike Kennedy who repeatedly mocked the pseudo-chinaman pitcher who acted like he was 4. Kennedy exclaimed, �I am not a fighting man, but if I saw that chinaman in a dark alley, I would have to take him down.� Reminded of his other escapades with chinamen in the past, most notably at a hotel in Avon, MN, Kennedy chuckled that he has never backed down to a challenge. Kennedy used his hot-under-the-collar attitude to fool the Joker�s for a 5-6 hitting performance.

Other big news of the evening was the new MN conceal and carry law for weapons. Obviously giddy at this turn of events, Manager re-enacted Pete(r) Fanucci sported a concealed hunting rifle within his hip hugging softball pants. Aware that the field is a public facility, Pete(r) commented before the game, �I will bring this damn gun where I want to, the law says I can, see it, read this� (at which point Pete(r) pulled from his back pocket a copy of the state statute). Determined to stop balls from rolling past him, Fanucci used a theory proposed by one Dan Hinrichs in that �If you can�t field it, shoot it.� Even the mightiest of hunting rifles could not prevent numerous balls from rolling just outside the sight lines of Pete(r). The area around second base was quite shot up after the first couple innings, prompting the Joker second basemen and shortstop to wear mouth guards for the duration of the contest. Their post-game comments could not be discerned through their sloppy, mumbled, mouthguarded English.

The first game did not provide any plays of note, nor does it deserve any mention at all, besides a circus-type umpire folly. With Rosner on second and Hjelle on first, Thomas came up with no one out. Thomas hit a hard short hop to the shortstop, but Rosner and Hjelle both stayed on their respective bases thinking the ball was caught in the air. Confused and slightly dismayed at this turn of events, the shortstop touched second base (not Rosner) and threw the ball to first. A hustling Thomas beat the throw to first, and a heads up Rosner moved to third on the play. This created a situation in which the umpire did not know what was going on and both teams were lobbying hard. In the end, from what this reporter can discern, is that because the SS did not tag Rosner and only touched second, Hjelle was forced out and Rosner was safe at third. That is what the umpire ruled and this reporter cannot see anything illogical in his reasoning.

The second game saw Senser�s take an early 13-8 lead thanks in large part to the third inning in which 8 straight Senser players scored. �That must be some sort of record,� Tim Bruns was heard to say, at which point Kletzin chimed in with �Well why don�t you ask the statistician over there,� an obvious intended and hurtful slam on the unemployed law student to which said law student had no quick response.

Senser�s held a 17-9 lead going into the top of the 6th, at which point the flood gates opened and the Joker�s began pummeling the ball to all fields and into townhomes. In reference to one hot shot over the fence by an �NSYNC wanna-be, Hjelle mimicked the trajectory of the orb as it was jettisoned for another place in time. �That thing never came down,� Hjelle was heard to say after one of the titanic blasts, but his expert pitching kept the Joker�s on their toes for they had 3 HR-outs in the game.

The lone highlight from game 2 arose with Dirksen on third, Fanucci at second, and Hjelle at the plate. Hjelle singled to right, Dirksen scored with �ease� and Fanucci was motoring around third, but the stop sign was put up by the coach and Pete(r) skidded to a stop at the point when the chinaman received the cut-off throw. Fanucci later explained his state of mind at that point, �I knew I could not outrun the little runt, so I knew I had to outsmart him. I pretended like I was going to run home, then I put on the brakes and ran back to third waving my arms like a madman. That�s when the ball hit me in the back and I was safe at third.� The Joker CF did not appreciate this call arguing that Pete�s arm motion was intended to disrupt the throw and he should therefore be out. The umpire did not take the CF�s comments lightly and the CF was close to being sent to the parking lot by the umpire for using a derogatory tone. At the bar, a player to be named later commented on Pete�s run-in at third by saying that Pete is just not used to getting to third base in softball or in the bedroom. This comment elicited quite the uproar of laughter and nothing more needs to be said.

The team will return on June 5th at 6pm to face Howard�s Angels at Central Park Field #3. They have promised that June will be a different month.

Who�s Hot � Mike Kennedy
Folks, this man is sizzling hot, and I am not referring to his new haircut either. Mike was 5-6 with a walk and was on base 7 times in tonight�s game. He ignited his fellow players and that is what Senser�s needed to hang tough with the disputed Jokers team.

Who�s Not � Eric Lindholm
After beginning his Senser�s career last week in astounding fashion by hitting for the cycle in his first four plate appearances, Mr. Lindholm came back to Earth this week with a mediocre performance by his own standards. The league leader in home runs for Sunday church league ball, Eric will surely rebound strongly from his 1-8 performance tonight.

Recent Milestones for Team Senser�s
2000th at bat � Mike Dirksen (3rd inning 5/29, single)
1000th hit � Tim Bruns (5/22, single)
100th Walk � Brette Hjelle (5/22)

Upcoming Milestones
10th strikeout � Don�t have your name here
150th Double

** ALL CAREER STATS CAN BE FOUND IN THE ARCHIVE PAGE

career hits on this site.

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