Joe Senser's Softball

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SENSER'S SHEDS BLOOD IN SPLIT

By Mike Dirksen, M.P.
Senior Visiting Consultant

ROSEVILLE, MN- It is rare that a pair of softball games can be explained in terms of fruit, but these games are best described with the word RASPBERRY. Blood runneth from numerous players� legs who gave their all and their top layer of skin to the Senser cause. Most notably was Mike Biebl, the heeb himself, who had a series of leg and buttock scrapes. The opposing players, this columnist, the umpire and even the fans were asking whether the man known simply as the heeb was alright. Right Fielder Tim Bruns said, �Man that�s a lot of blood.� Manager Fanucci chimed in at that point and stated with a glare, �A lot of blood? My ass, you wanna see blood? Come watch me hunt and slice a deer�s neck open, now there�s some blood.� The team moved away from Pete as he starting to make slicing motions in the air and we were all afraid. The opposing First Baseman commented, �I hope he�s not a hemophiliac� while the team responded to him that the heeb is just a homo, so there were no worries. The heeb also thought it would be a good idea to show the fans what a hard worker he is on the field, so he showed Kristin Johnston, Lindsay Vedder and this reporter�s father his butt cheek and said �Now there�s a raspberry.� The fans became ill.

Famed Left Fielder Jeff �Please don�t call me �Trash� anymore� Rosner arrived at the field not more than 5 minutes before his first at-bat. Rosner stated as he exited his car, �Man Minnesota is a boring state.� Jeff had just returned from Madison, MN doing business that saves the world. Biebl questioned his logic since Rosner is from Nebraska and there cannot be a more boring place in this end of the Universe than Nebraska. Of course Brunsie took offense to these comments as well, but Biebl reminded Bruns that he is a �Corn-F*%#er.� That ended that. Rosner went to his first at-bat with �one shoe tied and the other untied� but this reporter could not determine which one was which, and neither could Jeff.

Game 1 turned into a pitcher�s duel. Kletzin held his own in the absence of Hjelle and would have had more calls �if it weren�t for that friggin� knee-brace wearing, old red shirt donned ump.� The team started out well in the first inning with three consecutive singles by Remick, Thomas, and Nick. Those three eventually came around to score and Senser�s took an early 3-1 lead after 1. The teams went back and forth the entire game. Kletzin jacked his first homer of the year in the top of the 5th, a moon-bound orb that landed well past 285. Kletzin was heard to yell �Yahtzee� when he made contact, drawing ire from the opposing pitcher. Team Senser�s went on to drop the first game in the 8th inning of play, by a score of 8-7. Senser Shortstop Ryan Thomas calmly indicated in a manner not unlike that of George Zimmer from the Men�s Wearhouse, �We will take them next game, I guarantee it.�

Game 2 began in an eerily similar manner as game 1 with Senser�s on top 3-1 after the 1st inning. The hit parade was about to begin though. Nick came through with a monster of a grandslam over the left-center field wall. Kletzin followed that slam with a single of his own, but commented before stepping up to bat that Nick had �hit it farther than I did and now I have to hit a homer-o to get my distance title back.� The top of order was up in the bottom of the 5th and Remick, Thomas, and Nick came through with a triple and 2 singles. After a sac fly by Kletzin, Dirk started another rally with a single followed by a Trash double, a Biebl single, a Kennedy single, a Bruns double and a walk by Flauber. That whole trip through the order accounted for 6 Senser runs and put the game out of reach at 19-14. Senser�s held on to win in the top of the 6th by that same score.

Mike Kennedy played like a mad-man and was the hitting star of the day. He was so proud of his play that he had to call his wife after the games. �Honey-buns, I played the best games I have ever played tonight,� Mike said over his cell phone. Ellen replied, �Mike, that�s great, I wish I could have been there.� Kennedy was 7 for 8 with 4 runs scored and a double. He also made some fantastic scoops of balls in the dirt. Bruns contributed a 6 for 8 day and Remick came through with a tight 7 for 9 performance.

Senser�s received strong defensive contributions from Thomas who fielded grounders with ease and made the crowd say �OOHH� on a couple occasions with his spectacular range and acrobatics. Even Fanucci made some defensive contributions in catching some ground balls, turning a couple double plays, and even �jumping� to catch a liner. Dirk and Thomas both commented on Pete�s catch of a line drive that we may have seen dirt under his shoes, but that is still up for examination. The tape of the game is inconclusive as to whether Fanucci actually left the confines of the earth momentarily.

The trip to the bar proved relatively uneventful now that the management has determined that it was �too much fun for everyone to have the wheel there.� This reporter thinks it�s a rather disputed move.

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