ROSEVILLE, MN- With less than a week until the first pitch of the 2001 season, Senser's finally got together for a full-team practice. The team, perhaps taking a page out of Tom Kelly's "small ball" playbook, looks to be focusing on base hits. In fact, only one dinger was hit throughout all of batting practice. Does this worry manager Mike Dirksen? "No, not in the least," Dirksen responded to our crack team of field reporters. "As long as we hit the ball, play some D, and get to the bar after the game, we'll be fine. Plus, we don't want to be going over the home run limit at all." Practice closed with shades of baseball days gone by, as Mark "Eastside" Enslin took the fungo away from Bill Remick ("He didn't know where the hell he was hitting it and where the hell the ball should go if he hit it where he wanted to") and ran some sharp infield/outfield drills, concluding with the ever-popular "home and follow" drill. "Man, I haven't done that since high school," Dirksen stated as he jogged in from third base. "I had a ton of fun with that." To close, in perhaps a show of future managerial power, Eastside whipped Pete "PowerPoint" Fanucci in a sprint down the right-field line, a sprint that Fanucci.ppt was still recovering from at the bar.

The bar was well attended, with seven players and one fan going to work on the bar tab. "Shit, that should only be six players on that list," outfielder Mike "Eagle Eye" Kennedy said. "That bastard Fanucci's on unemployment, so I'm paying for his sorry ass to sit here and drink and eat and buy shit for his girlfriend. What a load of shit that is." Senser's was also the location for a type of immunity challenge amongst the players, especially between the current and potential manager. Utility player Dan Hinrichs used 21st-century technology to figure out Dirksen's question of "which players have the Mets retired jerseys for?" Phone calls from Los Angeles to Boston revealed the answer: #41 Tom Seaver (which the table knew), #14 Gil Hodges, and #37 Casey Stengel. Senser's also sponsored a challenge which ironically pitted Dirksen and Enslin against each other in a wheel-spinning contest. Dirksen spun first, winning the team a free order of buffalo wings (est. value- $7.95), while Enslin zonked out on his spin (est. value- $0). As the combantants walked back to the table, Stacy, a Senser's manager, presented Dirksen the immunity necklace, buying him an extra week on the managerial ultimatum.