Myanmar

Myanmar - 15/6

Upon arrival at the grandiose airport you realise that things are not quite right. We are forced to change 200 bucks into useless monopoly FEC's, but we can change less if we give the folks "presents"!

Over the next 2 days I was in Yangon. I checked out Shew Dagon - a huge temple with 100m stupa which is said to contain Budda's hair, teeth, underpants and cigar case. The whole place was amazing - over 88 building, each containing Budda or multiple buddas and all were finely decorated. Here I met some locals whom were keen to practise English - they obviously had heard of me! So I chatted with a few folks until I got bored of Manchester United/Myanmar food or my travels as subjects. I also checked out Sula Paya - another temple in the centre. Traders hotel VIP room provided me with access to newspapers and smashing views of the city. There is not much to do there but look at the dirty colonial buildings - they miss the Brits, I know it! The British Embassy was pukka though!
In the evenings I headed back to Motherland inn 2 for dinner and BBC/movies. The whole city seems to be a mkt - mostly fruit and veg, but others selling signs/clothes and VCd's.

I then caught a bus [19 hrs] to Lake Inle. Myanmar's biggest lake.   The pick up to town was full of women going to mkt who just stared and laughed at me all the way. We had about 30 folk in the pick up - roof, sides and hanging off the back.The town there is nice and chilled and fairly geared for travellers. Pancake kingdom took a hammering, as all the other food places were yuck! Here i took a long boat out on the lake { seemingly I was the only tourist in town} and we visited some real local mkts where locals stared and laughed at the white freak. Mkt was good to watch people esp old women who always have a cherroot [cigar]dangling from their mouth. Next stop was some silver nad other cottage industries . boring, bring on the jumping cats I cried, and so we headed there.

This monastry in the middle of the lake has a monk whom has taught his cats to jumps thru hoops for treats - its amazing, truly the best thing I have seen. These cats just jumped on demand and the monk was laughing...if I become a monk, thats where I would go! On the way home we saw the famous fishermen who wrap their leg round the oar to move the boat - good but not jumping cats!   On the way home we saw the floating gardens - they grow vegs (mainly tomato's) on plants that are floating in the lake - they use boats to tend to the plants, splendid!   The lake was a fun day out and it was good to see the locals in their villages which also floated.    On my return to town it looked like there was a graduation ceremony at all the local monastries. Thousands of monks, monkettes and novices sung while being driven thru town on pick ups/buses.   They were Budda's army heading off on another crusade!

After 2 days of seeing/speaking to another tourist, I was growing tired of mine and George Orwell's company, so it was time to go. Another 12 hrs and I was in Mandalay. Now the road to Mandalay is horrible, pot holed and hot. Nothing like the song by Robbie Williams...

Checked out the bad Mandalay palace - it was rebuilt using forced labour after it was destroyed in the war. The actual fort walls still exist and seem to have numerous folks living within. Saw some other wooden monastry's and a temple that was full of small buildings each containing a stone slab with some buddist inscription on it. There was over 1770 slabs! Its called the world's biggest book! climbed Mandalay hill later for some super views of the town and surrounding area.

The following day, I caught the boat to Mingun (an ancient city). There was the base of the, never finished, world's biggest pagoda. It was huge - we climbed to the top, in the heat, and soaked up the views. Also checked out the world's biggest uncracked bell...nuff said about that! Saw the Mustache Bros later - they are a comedy/dancing team who are considered political dissidents. One of them was put in prison for 7 yrs after joking about the Govt. Now they are blacklisted and only perform to tourists, they were good but not really that funny! They are mentioned by Hugh Grant in 'About a boy!' Traditional dancing was also on the menu - that was good.

On the 24th, I met Teresa (an American girl at my hotel) and we caught the bus to Hsipaw. It tool 7.5hrs thru rolling countryside and military checkpoints. The road was fairly new en route, built with forced and child labour. Checked into Mr Charles's GH and met the Canadian friend of Teresa's, Tarah. Went for a wee wander round town and noticed that people's shops in the town had funny names. Mr Charles, Mr Kid's GH, Mr Food, Mr Tennis and Mr Monk...biazrre!    This was now the Shan State - a semi autonomous region bordering China. It had its own Flag, language, customs and Royal family. These guys dislike the govt.

Mr Charles leads a daily walk to Shan villages where we chatted with the locals and drank tea. We walked thru paddys full of water buff and villages. Tarah and I went to Mrs Noodle ( I had coined this one) and then all 3 of us headed to see Mr Donald at the Royal Palace. Its more of a 1920's English style hse. He is the last member in Myanmar of the Royal family. He talked to us about the house's arcitechiture, buddist principles used in building and then about the family.

The family had a long history and lived beside the Burmese royal family. After the war they sent the Prince (Mr Donald's Uncle) to the US to learn politics and about the economics of a Western country. The country at this stage was one of the richest, in Asia with the best health care. There he met an Austrain girl and fell in love. Over teh next 5 yrs they courted, then we took her home. She was v surprised at how people treated him, he told her that he was a Prince...theh he said, sometimes you kiss a frog (he described his uncle as ugly, a frog!) and it becomes a Prince! Over the next 8 yrs they tried to improve conditions for the shan people. Then in 1962, the Generals came into power and put her under hse arrest with her 2 kids and put him in the nick along with other intelletuals/MP's and anyone with a brain. I asked Mr Donald what happened to him, he said that he was liquatated...   He is constantly threatened but stays to tell people the truth about the generals.

The following day I headed back to Mandalay and chilled in my hostel - or I tried. It was about 35c and 99% humidlty...this was the picture over most of Burma! The next day I went to Amarapura (another ancient city) to check out the worlds longest teak span bridge...It was pretty long...1.2ks...

Bagan followed next. There is an interesting story here - this King, King Theoeoerojj or something, won a few wars in the 11th century and he took slaves and money back to Bagan. So he put the Irish labourers to work with elephants and build over 13,000 temples and stupa's over 200 yrs. He was obviously pretty bored, with no wars or anything. He also introduced Buddism to the country. It was and still is blended with the primitive nat (animistic) beliefs. But then Kubli Khan, from Frankie goes to Hollywood based out of East Mongolia came down and rocked the place. He destroyed over half of the temples and set up his junglist movement in town. Hence, why most Burmese are a mongol people!

Over the next few days I cycled into old bagan and checked out loads of the remaining temples. Most had images/statues of Budda in them and some had some gr8 wall frescos. Some are in good nick, others are being rebult as we speak! Budda's dreams, the Jakarta and his teachings were the subject of most paintings. Sunset was from a temple overlooking the Ayeraddy river...nice...   The locals there were so nice inviting me to dine with them and their families and giving me pressies. My reputation is global! Met the German's again and dined with them - they had been staying in the same places as me all the way. The next day we sat in a hotel pool and swan, drank and bathed for $2! here I stayed in the Golden village. Air con, huge room and brekkie for $3. Bargain!

The next day I caught the bus back to Yangon. It was a 14 hr marathon and I sat beside a huge Italian guy who was telling me the differences and key points about Burmese and Thai buddism...any questions, then I am the man! After 14 hrs of learning, we emerged at Yangon and headed to the GH. I changed some more cash with some geysers in the st, who made sure I was geniune b4 they introduced me to M Big and we changed $20...big money! Then I sat in Cafe Aroma and ate muffins and hot choccy - things were good again. I was keen to leave Myanmar as the people, food and govt were getting to me, so I changed my plane tkt for my flight to BKK. I forgot to mention that I went to hostpital as I had an infected spot on my arm (from the sweat, dirt and heat). There I was seen to by a team of 7 folks who were laughing at my every move, esp when I took my top off! I was rigoursly tested for SARS there (and at the departure desk).
My last 2 days in Yangon I was trying to spend my money, like Brewster Millions with Richard Pryor. But I could not. I still had loads of kyats - despite me buying coca cola's and drugs.

So yesterday, we sailed in BKK. We could speak/eat and drink freely, but most of all read the news and emails. You get rather news starved over these weeks. So last nite, Amy (met her on the plane) and I
went out for some beers and food. Bumped into Adam (from my Everest trek) within 5 mins of arrving here. Now that I am here, I kinda miss the fact that there was no tourists in Burma. People are so much nicer there - once here they turn back to 'tube types' who won't help you if you were dying on the st! BKK is heaving, full of more freaks than normal and colder, a lot colder!

Myanmar is heavily influenced by the Chinese [and Scottish] in all walks of life - from tea grown to buses. Scottish influence cos all the men wear Longyi's, material woven into a tube then worn like a skirt - similiar to our kilt, also they have similiar jokes as us, ' What do Burmese men wear under there longyi's?'

The national pastime is to chew Betel nuts - they give a mild high, similiar to nicotine. But they stain your mouth and gums blood red. Also cos dental hygenie is light yrs behind, most folks have few teeth which adds up to a nice combo! There were some stunning women there...however, when they smiled I saw their blood red stained mouth and lack of teeth.

The bus rides were often long, hot and boring. Some going for about 20hrs, although on one I did watch Lord of the Rings in English - all the other folks didn't understand it! Western music is dubbed in Burmese - so often I would hear a tune, start singing then the locals would sing in Burmese and stare at me like I was on drugs or something! Funniest was Bon Jovi in Burmese!

Food - awful! some sort of chicken in a sauce, with horrible looking vegs that had seen the 1990's and rice, all cooked up in grease! All the food was v greasy and for the first few days I was mildly ill. But I discovered noodles, rice and vegs. So that was my staple for 3 weeks - bland and boring. Oh boy, was I keen to get back to BKK! Even a McDonalds was appealing! There are no western fast food places there (kinda nice) just cheap and worse rip offs - MacBurger and Pizza corner! The rich go there - the rich are seriously rich and are living off the crooked govt. Coca cola and pepsi are hard to find and expensive - they are imported from Singapore. They have their own brands of drinks which use western marketing slogans...funny!

The people are generally nice - although some think its right to rip tourists off and will charge double for stuff when blatantly the locals are paying a lot less...very annoying!. People will stare at you all the time, and most looked at me with a mixture of curiousity and fear - I am pretty scary!! The govt with their propaganda slogans dotted round town in Burmese and English have made foreigners out to be meddlers in their affairs. 2 of the 4 main slogans is, "crush all these who oppose your govt" and "Beware of foreigners interfering with internal affairs".

You will be glad to know that Beckham and Manchester United are as big here as elsewhere in Asia. Most bars have Star sports (Sky!).

Should you stay or should u go - go, the touristy stuff is stunning {Bagan is supposedly better than Angkor Wat} and you will hardly meet another tourist.