Matt Boyden almost fell from his seat in shock as June came barging through the door of the CAD room. She was dripping wet, having been caught in a torrential shower that had soaked her through during the short run from her car to the main entrance of the station.
"June�what are you doing here?" He stood, shook his head. "Get that coat off, you'll catch your death�" June allowed Matt to slip the coat from her shoulders. "Now, tell me, what are you doing here?"
"I�" June looked up into Matt's concerned deep brown eyes. "I need�." The word she was looking for wouldn't come, and she flailed her hands around. "Need�help�I�"
"For God's sake June, sit down." Matt placed his hands on her shoulders. He pulled a swivel chair around and patted it. "Just take a deep breath, and�June�you're bleeding." He took her hand in his, it was slick with rain and blood.
"No, it's OK, I�" She swallowed, pulled her hand away. "It's not me, it's Jim, I�"
"Jim? I thought he was on holiday."
"He is�he�Matt, his boat, it's missing�"
"Boat?" It took Matt a moment to piece together in his mind what his colleague and friend was telling him. "Oh god, he went diving�"
"There was a freak storm, the boat is missing and they can't�it's too stormy�they�." June looked up to him once more, beginning to hyperventilate. "It was on the news�and�"
"June, it's alright. It�s ALRIGHT." Matt told her firmly. "He'll be alright. You know Jim, he was born with a snorkel and flippers." If Matt had hoped for a smile, he didn't get one. "Look, we've probably got the coastguard number on the computer somewhere�where was it he went?"
"Torquay�it's the Torbay coastguard."
"OK, OK�" June watched as Matt typed something onto his keyboard. Green text on a black background flashed up in front of them. "See?" He began to dial. "Should I speak to them?"
"Please�the boat is called the "Underwater Love""
"OK�." Matt reached out a free hand to squeeze June's. "Yes�Torbay Coastguard? This is Sergeant Matthew Boyden from the Metropolitan Police, I'm calling regarding the Underwater Love?" A pause. "One of our colleagues is on board. James Carver? Right." Matt paused once more, listened for a little longer. As he heard what the coastguard was telling him, he tried to keep his _expression neutral, but involuntarily squeezed her hand a little tighter. "Yes. OK, I understand. I'll call back."
Matt pulled his headset from his head and sighed. "It's not good, June. The storm's whipped up again, it could be an hour or more before they can launch the search."
"No�" June placed a hand to her mouth. "They have to�they can't just leave them out there!"
"They have people on the shore looking out. They're doing everything they can."
"But that's what they're there for, Matt - they're supposed to�go out and look, and find them, and�"
"June, they'd be putting too many lives at risk! It's not safe for the choppers or the boats!"
"Then what does that mean for Jim? If it's too dangerous for a lifeboat? How can they be still alive, Matt, how can they be safe?"
"June, you can't presume the worst!"
"Matt�I�." June gazed at him wide eyed. Then, with no warning, she paled, retched and vomited.
**
Matt rubbed her back as she was sick once more into the sink of the ladies toilets. "Hey�it's alright�shhh�" He murmured. He looked up as the door squeaked open and Cass Rickman popped her head round. She saw Matt and June, looked curious, but obliged when Matt gestured for her to leave.
He pulled three paper towels from the dispenser and handed them to June. She whispered her thanks and wiped her mouth. "I'm sorry, Matt."
"There's nothing to be sorry for, June. Honestly."
"It's just�I can't�deal with this." She shook her head. "We've lost seven colleagues this year, Matt, seven. And now it looks like it could be eight. What's happening, Matt, are we cursed?"
"'Course not." Matt deliberately didn�t meet her eyes. "But maybe�well, it's all the more reason for us to stay hopeful. Anything could explain this, June. Maybe they didn't even go out, maybe they came back early�anything."
"Then why hasn't he CALLED me?!" June screamed in his face.
"I don't�I can't explain that, I�."
"Maybe I can�oh god...when he left�Matt, he hated me�" June's eyes darted across with panic.
"Hated you? Jim would never hate you. You two are so close, even from before I met the two of you�"
"He hated me. The way he looked at me, he would hardly even speak to�and it was me, it was my fault, because I couldn't�I couldn't say�what he�" June began to hyperventilate again, she placed a hand to her chest.
"June, come on, I'm taking you to see the FME."
"NO!" She flailed out. "NO!" She screamed at him. "Just leave me alone, Matt, leave me ALONE!"
She looked up, her eyes shooting daggers of anger and fear at him. Then her body relaxed a little, and she walked over to the far wall of the room and slid down it, placing her head in her hands. "Why was I so stubborn, Matt? Why? It was so easy for him�."
"What was?" Matt crossed the room, hunkered down to her. "What was, June?"
"I�I�can't�still�can't�"
"It was easy�for him to tell you he loved you?"
June laughed a quiet laugh to herself. "Yeah."
"June, it's no secret to us that Jim loves you. It's written all over his face every time he's near you."
"Then why couldn't I be that open? That proud�why couldn't I admit to him, why couldn't I admit to myself�"
"June, there's still time. Jim will be safe, he'll be back. And then you two�well, you'll make a great couple."
"That's just it, Matt. We already are a couple. We live together."
"Oh�June�" Matt couldn't help but laugh. "Just when you think you know a person�" He leant over, placed a kiss in her hair.
"So, do you understand, Matt? Do you understand now? He's not just a colleague, not just a friend�he's my best friend, and my lover and�if he's gone I don't think I can go on�" June pulled her legs up and formed her body into a ball. Matt hugged her tightly. "You want to come to the canteen? Get something inside you?"
"Just�give me a minute, Matt. Please?"
"Course." Matt stood, crossed to the door. Looking back at her just once, he swung open the door and left the room.
**
June sensed an atmosphere as soon as she entered the canteen. All eyes fell upon her. She shuddered, then quickly walked up to Matt. "What have you told them?"
"Nothing�just that Jim is missing."
"So now I'm going to have the whole relief coming up and telling me how sorry they are, or how everything is going to be fine�" June's face reddened.
"I thought it might help." Matt looked abashed and decided to concentrate on his coffee.
"Yes, well it doesn't." June glanced up at the clock on the wall. 11:47am.
"June, just sit down. I got you some biscuits." He pushed a plate over to her. She picked one up, examined it closely, and then dropped it. "I can't."
"June, you have to eat something."
"Jim may be dead and all you can think about is EATING?" She hissed at him.
"Maybe you should try it. Maybe it would take your mind off your guilt." Matt snapped back.
"Thanks, Matt." June looked away, a lump appearing her throat, her face glowing and her eyes burning. "Maybe if you knew what love was you would understand."
"I probably asked for that." Matt threw his own biscuit back down onto the plate.
"Yes. You did." June shook her head. "I can't just sit here�" She made to stand. Matt grabbed for her arm.
"Then what are you going to do? Go down to CAD and torture yourself?"
"Maybe�maybe�I need Jim to know, I'm�."
"The best thing you can do for Jim is to pray for him. And to keep your strength up, he may need you when he gets back."
"No." June sighed. "He won't."
"What?"
"He won't need me, Matt. He doesn't need me. He deserves better. He doesn't even know I love him�"
"He does, June. He does."
"I wish I could believe that." June sucked in a quivering breath. She looked up, and saw Tony Stamp and Gary Best approach. "Oh, Matt, make them go away, would you, I can't deal with th�"
"Sarge?" It was Kerry Young. "Call from Torbay Coastguard? They've got some news."
June's head snapped up and her eyes made contact with Matt's. "No�." She felt something clutch her insides and squeeze tightly.
"June, remember. Hope for the best. And pray. Alright?" Matt took her hand, and together they left the canteen.
TO BE CONTINUED
