WARNING: ANGST!!!
Part Four: Jim appears to be improving, but is his recovery all it seems? And can June cope when circumstances spiral out of control and she is faced with losing him forever?
***
�June�.I should be taking you to the hospital.�
Tony Stamp seethed from behind the wheel of his car. Behind him, in the back seat, was June, still in her torn clothes with her bruised face. In her arms, asleep now, was Jim, his body pressed tight up against her.
�I don�t need to go to the hospital.� June recited for the tenth time. �He didn�t hurt me.�
Tony hissed air out from between his teeth. �And you still haven�t answered my question.�
�If I did, would you believe me?� June spat. �You�re too quick to see the worst in everyone � especially Jim.�
�Then reassure me, put my mind at rest.�
�No. What went on in that room between me and Jim is private.� Jim mumbled slightly, shifted against her, she hugged him tightly. �Shhhh�it�s OK.�
June, at this moment, felt bizarrely like a mother comforting a sick child. She knew now, beyond doubt that there was something seriously wrong with him, be it physical or mental, this wasn�t him, even at his worst during his first breakdown he had never been like this, so utterly lost, exhausted. And�he was such a big man, both in stature and demeanour, but now�he seemed so small, he had his legs tucked up underneath him and his arms pulled in close to his chest, balled up, almost in a foetal position.
Tony flicked up a glance into the rear view mirror. �Nothing I say is going to convince you, is it?�
June met the reflection of his eyes. She shook her head. �No.�
***
Finally, they pulled up in front of a pebble dashed one storey building. A small sign declared it as Canley Mental Health Clinic � a mere glance at it made June shudder. Jane had arranged a meeting with Jim�s counsellor, Kate Matthews, at 6pm � it was now five to as Tony pulled the car into a parking space.
Jim was awake now, taking in the surroundings, seeming a little comforted by their familiarity. He rubbed his left eye with his fist. �We going to see Kate?�
�Yeah.�
�Right.� Jim straightened in his seat.
�How are you feeling?� June straightened his jacket and flattened his tousled hair.
�Better. I think. June�I��
June flicked a glance to Tony. �Don�t say anything now. Let�s see what Kate has to say.� She opened the door and got out of the car, supporting Jim as he followed.
�I�ll wait here.� Tony announced, crossing his arms to his chest.
�You don�t have to.�
�I said�I�ll wait.� He looked up, met June�s gaze. She nodded, and smiled her thanks.
***
Kate Matthews, a short woman with long, curly red hair, stepped out into the waiting room. She saw Jim and June at the far side of the room, Jim was in one chair, looking utterly downcast, while June sat next to him, at a slight angle, holding his hand, murmuring words to him that she couldn�t hear. She could see the bruise on June�s cheek, and moved forward, coughing to make her presence known.
�Jim�.June, is it?�
�Yes.� June looked up. �Thanks for seeing us.�
�It�s no problem. Can I�speak to you for a moment?�
�I don�t want to leave him�� June shot a scared glance toward Jim.
�He�ll be alright.� Kate assured her. �Just a couple of minutes.�
June nodded, stood, explained the situation in hushed tones to Jim, who looked up to her and nodded, his eyes full of tears.
Kate led June through double doors, halfway up a corridor, and into a small office.
�Are you alright?�
�Me�yes�you mean the bruise�that�s nothing.� June stuttered, glancing back toward the door.
�He�ll be alright.� Kate assured her again. �Did Jim do this?�
�N�..yes.� June placed her fingers lightly to her cheek. �He�lost his temper�actually it was more than that�it was like something else took control of him, he�I�ve never known him like that.�
Kate tipped her head to the side. �How long have you known him?�
�Twenty years. I was his puppy-walker, his first day at Sun Hill. But we�ve only been�together�for a year.�
�So you witnessed his breakdown?�
�In grim detail.� June nodded, sitting as Kate gestured her into a chair. �Even now, I look back and I�I wish I�d done more.�
�What could you have done?�
�I knew he was depressed, I knew he was drinking. But�I�d look at him, look at him when he was barely sober, or when he was lying, or�and all I could see was�� She stopped, laughed bitterly at herself. �Little Jimmy Carver, the sweet boy I used to know.�
�What was he like, back then?�
�Sweet. Keen. Would do anything for anyone. Good looking�� June smiled. �Skinny as a rake��
�No indication of�anything?�
�No. He�d get down, but we all did. Though�.sometimes I thought that he took things harder�he�s just so�I guess you�d call him idealistic.�
�In what way?�
�He�he�s got a very well defined idea of what is good and what is bad. Most of the time he always tries to see the good in people, always believes that somewhere in them it�s there. But sometimes, as I�m sure you know, there are some people who just have no good in them, and that affects him�.deeply. Murderers, paedophiles, rapists, he just gets so�� June looked down, shaking her head, unable to find the word. �He takes it to heart so much, as if�almost as if he has failed somewhere, or��
�It seems you know him very well.� Kate smiled.
�Yes. I do. Sometimes I think I know him better than I know myself and at other times he�s a complete mystery to me.�
�Like most men, eh?� Kate smiled. �I just wanted to make sure you�re alright and get a bit of background on this. I haven�t seen Jim for about eighteen months, we both came to a mutual agreement that his recovery was far enough advanced. I really, really hoped I wouldn�t see him back here again. I hope you don�t mind me saying, but�he�s a real sweetheart.�
June looked up, surprised for a moment, but then she smiled. �That�s exactly how I think of him.�
�I�m sure this is just a setback, but you have to understand, I always find it best not to promise anything.�
�I understand. But please, if you can help him, if you can bring him back to me��
�I can try to help him. But he�s the one who has to get back to you, he�s the one who has to fight whatever is ailing him. I can�t click my fingers and make Jim Carver�s world alright again.�
June nodded, sighing wistfully. �I wish I could.�
****
�Jim��
Kate looked across at Jim, now ensconced in a large blue armchair, his legs again drawn up to his chest. He was playing with his fingers, giving them his full attention.
�Jim�� Kate repeated in a sing-song voice, tipping her head to try to meet his eyes.
�Yeah.� Jim looked up at her, his eyes narrowing into slits.
�How are you feeling?�
Jim shrugged, his hand moving up so he could run his fingers through the strands of his blond hair.
�I need you to talk to me�.we�ve been through this before, remember?�
�I remember.� Jim snapped, leaning his head back a little so he could rest it on the cushion of the armchair.
�I was hoping I wouldn�t see you here again.�
�Yeah�well, that�s the way life goes. You can go forever believing one thing and then it turns out you were wrong all along.�
�And what were you wrong about?�
�Me�� His head shot round to regard her. �Thought I was someone I�m not. Or maybe�.just denied what I actually really knew.�
�Which is��
�I don�t�.know�I�.� The hands were back in his hair, tugging now at the strands.
�Jim�Jim, come on, stop that��
Jim looked down, shook his head, continuing the action.
�I thought we�d agreed you can�t solve mental pain by inducing physical pain.�
�I know, but it makes me feel better.� Jim cut back, his tone harsh. He pulled his hands away, then deliberately sat on them. �Better?�
�Where�s all this resentment coming from, Jim?� Kate pulled her chair a little closer. �Where�s all this anger coming from?�
�Where do you think? From me. Because nothing I do makes sense, because my head won�t�work.�
�Work?�
�It won�t do what I want it to, it just goes on its own way, it�even though I NEED�� He screwed up his eyes, once again balled his hands into fists and before Kate could react, he had slammed his fists into the sides of his skull.
�Jim, Jim, NO!� Kate shot up from her seat, grabbed his wrists. �Jim, no�Jim, that�s not going to help.�
�But I NEED to get in there, I have to know what I DID!�
�Did when? What�.please tell me, Jim.�
�I can�t�because you�ll hate me too.� Jim�s face crumbled, he pulled his knees up closer and balled himself up once more. Just as June had felt earlier, he seemed to Kate like a little child, confused and frightened by the ways of the world, curling himself up to make himself smaller, less noticeable, almost as if he believed he could disappear and leave all the hurt behind him.
�Jim�� She sat back down. �I think your rage, your anger is clouding what it is that is really hurting you. It�s not allowing you to focus on it.�
�Maybe�� Jim wiped his nose noisily with the back of his hand.
�We can�t solve it, we can�t work through it until we know what it is. We have to take away the worst symptoms, the worst effects.�
Jim nodded, shuddering lightly as he did so. �You want me back on medication, don�t you?�
�For a little while. Coupled with more sessions.�
�I don�t see what good��
�Let�s cross that bridge when we come to it. You owe this to yourself, you owe it to June. You�ve got a very special woman there and you are a very special person. She deserves to have the real you.�
�But I hit her�� Jim shook his head, sagging, his body heavy with defeat.
�She�s forgiven you. She knows you inside out, Jim Carver, and she knows you were not in control when it happened. The only thing she resents is whatever it is that has taken hold of you. And you know that�s how it is, something has taken hold of you, something you can�t control, something you can�t blame yourself for��
�I think so.�
�Good. You remember some of what we talked about all that time ago, then. When I first met you, Jim, you had the entire weight of the world on your shoulders.�
�I know�but�� Finally, he managed a small smile. �June�s taken that all away.�
�Good.� Kate nodded. �I�m going to make you out a prescription, and you can take some home tonight. One every four hours during the day, alright?�
�Yeah.�
�Come on�I�ll get you back to June.� Kate stood and waited as Jim unfurled himself and followed her. She placed her hand lightly on his back as she guided him towards the double doors that led into the waiting area. �I won�t be long.�
Jim pushed the door open, and approached June who jumped up from her seat and took Jim into a long, sure embrace.
Kate watched this and smiled, hoping that there might be a swift resolution to this. She had felt the love and strength between this pair the moment she had met them, and believed that the destruction of this through something which, ultimately, she believed could be controlled would be a tragedy.
***
Two weeks later.
***
�So Jim�s coming back to work?�
June nodded, slowly, wrapping her hands around a hot cup of tea. �Yeah. Tomorrow. Kate�and Jane, they both seem to think he�s fine.�
Tony tipped his head to one side. �And you?�
�Oh�I don�t know. He�s been more himself, but he�s been so quiet, Tony. It�s like�� She sighed. �You know Jim has that short fuse, that goes off at the least provocation�� Tony rolled his eyes and nodded. �Well � he seems to have lost that. For the first few days it felt like a good thing, but I miss that fire, and that passion in him.�
�Probably the medication. Maybe they can reduce his dose or something, get him back to�normal. Well � as close to normal as Jim Carver ever can get.� Tony smiled wryly.
�Problem is, if they reduce the dose, will�the depression come back? The rage�the tears�� She pushed her mug away, unable to face it. �It�s not the effect on me, you know�I can take it, I�m going to stay with him whatever, it�s him�I don�t want him to go through that kind of mental torture again. He doesn�t deserve it.�
�So you�d rather he stayed doped up?�
�I�d rather�� She shook her head. �I�d rather he didn�t have anything to worry him, or scare him. I�d rather that he was happy.�
�It�ll happen.� Tony reached out a hand and pressed it to hers. �It will happen.�
***
June slipped the key into the lock, turned and waved at Tony, who was waiting in his car outside her gate to make sure she got in safely.
The house was dark and quiet � she glanced at her watch, it was barely past nine pm.
�Jim?� She walked up the hallway, pushed open the door of the lounge. Empty. The same with the kitchen. She shrugged, slipped her shoes off and left them in the hall. Then she padded upstairs. No-one in the bathroom or the study.
Finally she pushed open the door of the bedroom. And there lay Jim, fully clothed, on top of the quilt. His breathing was deep, and a little laboured, and he fidgeted slightly. Worried he was succumbing to another nightmare, June moved to the bed and perched on the edge, taking his hand in hers and shaking it insistently.
�Hey � wake up.�
Slowly Jim�s eyes cracked open. He squinted at her, then clamped his hand to his forehead. �June��
�Are you alright?� His eyes were narrow, dull, they continued to squint.
�Headache�� He sat up, slowly, deliberately, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands. �All over�feels like my brain is going to explode.�
�I�ll get you some painkillers.� June made to move.
�No�no�I�ve already taken some.�
June shook her head as she regarded him, then moved her hand to stroke his blond hair. As soon as her hand made contact, Jim cried out in pain.
�You need to see a doctor.�
�What, another one?� Jim�s voice cracked, when he looked back up to her his eyes glistened with tears.
�Kate warned you this could happen��
�I�ll be alright. I�ve been OK so far, this is probably just a one off.� He sighed deeply.
�Alright. Lie back down � I�ll get a damp cloth, you look like you�re burning up.� She helped Jim back into a prone position. �Don�t go anywhere..� She whispered as she got to the door. After a pause, Jim laughed a short, ironic laugh. June moved to the bathroom, turning on the light. She opened the cupboard under the sink, extracted a clean face flannel, and soaked it under the cold tap.
She glanced up, regarded her reflection in the mirror. Had she been that grey before this had started, she wondered, had her face been so lined? Jim�s illness was taking it out of her, physically and mentally. She supposed that no-one would blame her if she chose to simply walk away, but there was no question of that. Whatever Jim had done to her, whatever he had said to her since this affliction overtook him, there was simply no way she would choose to turn her back on him. Whether they had been lovers or not, she would still have been with him, there was an inexplicable bond between them that she knew could never and should never be broken.
She snapped out of her reverie and turned off the tap, wringing the flannel out into the sink until it was just damp. Then she snapped off the light, and made her way back toward the bedroom.
Just as she reached the door, she heard the sound of Jim retching. She ran in, and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over, his hand to his stomach, vomiting onto the blue carpet.
�Oh my god�� She ran to him, got on the bed beside him, on her knees, running her hand up and down his back as he coughed and retched. �Hey�shhhh�it�s OK.� She comforted him until had finished, then he looked up to her.
�I�m sorry, I tried to get to�the bathroom.�
�It�s OK�nothing that a bit of carpet shampoo won�t cure.� She smiled at him, but her voice was quavering. �Let�s get you downstairs, on the sofa. Think you can manage it?�
�Yeah.� Jim got to his feet, wobbling slightly, waiting as June retrieved a blanket from the ottoman. Then she took his hand.
�We�ll take it easy, OK?�
***
June placed a bowl and box of tissues on the coffee table, pulling it close to the sofa. She laid the thick blue blanket over Jim, who smiled up at her wanly in thanks.
�Better?� She perched on the very edge of the sofa. She longed to stroke his hair but was afraid it would cause him more pain.
�Yeah�I think�� His eyes were drooping shut as he spoke. �Think the painkillers are kicking in.�
�Well�there�s no way you�re going back to work tomorrow. I�m going to call Kate, we need to sort this out.�
�There�s nothing to sort out�I�m fine.�
June looked at him, cuddled up within the blanket like a cocoon, his pale face, the black rings around his eyes. She shook her head slowly. �Jim, you�re not fine. You need to come off these tablets � they can put you onto something else�.�
�Tablets�� He shook his head. �Comes to something when you can�t cope with life without popping pills every day.�
�You need them.� June stroked his arm lightly. �Right now, you need them. But you�ll be OK, again. I know you will.�
�I want to be really OK. Right now, for the last few weeks, I�ve just been�.numb. That�s not living, June, that�s existing.�
�But what about�whatever it was that was troubling you. Whatever it was that started all this off?�
�That�s gone�I can�t focus on what it was any more�but�June, I can�t focus on anything. I can�t concentrate � my head�I��
The rhythmic movements of her hand ceased. �This isn�t the first time, is it? That�s why you�ve been so quiet.�
�Nearly every day�never this bad, but�sometimes it just hurts to talk.�
�You should have told me.� She shifted closer to him, took his chin in her hand. �Why didn�t you tell me?�
�I�ve put you through enough.� Their eyes met, a message being transmitted between them that could not be spoken in words.
�Let me be the judge of that. Jim�� She leant down, kissed his lips lightly. �Let me take you back to Kate, let�s reassess this thing. Let me help you take the pain away, all of it.� She looked down into his dull, tearfilled eyes.
�I�.� Jim stopped, his eyes shooting over with fear. �No�� His entire body reacted as a searing pain circled his skull, then remained, shooting daggers into his body. He brought his hands up to his head, his body doubling up and resisting June�s efforts to calm him.
�Jim�.JIM!� Terrified now, she reached for the phone. This was beyond her control now, beyond the place where she could be of help to him. It was time to pass on some of the burden.
***
June leant over the basin, dry retching, clinging onto the side of the ceramic bowl as if it would support her and stop her from slipping down into a hideous abyss that felt so close to her. Everything, everything she had believed, or thought she had known, had been turned upside down in the space of sixty minutes. One future had changed into another, a future though painful but with a light at the end of the tunnel was gone, replaced by the possibility of another, one which would leave her grieving and utterly lost.
She heard a light rap at the door, but didn�t look up or call out. She didn�t even turn as the door was pushed open and Kate Matthews� reflection joined hers in the grimy mirror before her.
�They�re taking him up now.� Kate informed her. �I�m sorry, I�I feel like this is my fault.�
�How is it your fault?� June flickered a glance to her. �We all thought the same thing. And he never told us about the headaches, he kept it all in, like he keeps everything in.� June wiped at errant tears running down his cheeks. �He�s supposed to love me��
�He does�� Kate reached for June�s free hand. �I can assure you of that, he does. I suppose he�s just trying to protect you. Jim is a very mixed up and insecure man, there�s a lot going on in his head that even he doesn�t understand. He just doesn�t want to burden you.�
�We�re supposed to be getting married.� June searched through her handbag for some powder to disguise the tear tracks on her face. �In sickness and in health. I am more than willing to take on that burden�just like I know he would do the same for me.�
�I�m afraid Jim doesn�t think like that�.he�you must know he looks out for others more than himself, always has done.�
�But this is different.� June patted her face lightly with the powder. �And anyway�like the doctors said, this may not even be depression.� June threw the powder back into her bag. �What if it�s true, what they�re saying? That his moods and headaches might have been triggered by something�so much more insidious?�
�We won�t know until after he�s had the MRI�they�re just being cautious and it is very rare for the anti-depressants that Jim is on to have such severe side effects.�
�We�ve all just been assuming, haven�t we? All of us, you, me�we doubt him. We don�t mean to but underneath it all, we doubt him. It�s almost like we�ve been expecting this, expecting him to lose it again, never really believing that he was OK, that he would stay OK.� She shook her head. �So this happens, and we think, it�s happening again, he�s depressed again, we�ll deal with that again�and�we ignore any other possibility until someone�someone who�s not involved suggests it.�
�June�it�s just human nature to never really consider the worst case scenario.�
�I don�t NEED your textbook psychology.� June snapped. �If they�re right, then we�ve let it go too long. The headaches he�s been having, it must mean, that�if there is�a tumour�� She swallowed and paled. �It would mean he�s not going to get better, wouldn�t it?�
***
�He�s been sedated.� Dr Phillip Cooper, a tall, distinguished man with salt and pepper hair, sat down next to June on the orange chairs in the waiting area. �He didn�t react well to the MRI�he was in a lot of pain, and very frightened.�
�Do you know anything yet?�
�I�m just about to review the results.� Dr Cooper soothed. �Preliminary findings though seem clear.�
June pulled in a juddering sigh. �So if it�s not a tumour�what else could it be?�
�We�re waiting for his bloods to come back�it could simply be a very violent migraine, he�s exhibiting clear signs of photosensitivity, but there�s no record of him being a sufferer.�
�No�as far as I know he isn�t.�
�We can�t rule out meningitis.�
�What?!� June stared at him. �It�s just one thing after another, isn�t it? Are you SURE it couldn�t just be the tablets?�
�It�s highly unlikely�.�
�But not impossible.�
�No�.but, we can�t rule anything in or out. I�m just going to check the MRI, if that is clear then I think the next step will be a lumbar puncture.�
�Oh, god, no�� June shot up from her seat. �I�ve seen those being done. You�re not putting him through that.�
�I�m not denying it�s a very painful and traumatic procedure.� Dr Cooper ducked his eyes away. �But�you want to know what�s wrong with him, don�t you? Rule out all the possibilities, until what you�re left with � however improbable � is the truth?�
�I�.yes�I know�� June fell back into her seat, her head in her hands. �Just promise me that if � IF � you have to do that, please let me be there with him.�
�It�s not pretty�I wouldn�t recommend��
�I�m his fianc�e. I am his partner and his best friend and I am not flinching away from any of this.� June looked up, her brown eyes set and determined.
�Alright. Alright.�
�Thank you. Can I go and see him?�
�Yes�he might not make much sense.�
�He very rarely does.� June smiled a wry smile. �Please, take me to him.�
***
�He�s asleep. He�s on morphine for the pain.� The nurse whispered, so as not to wake him.
�I just want to sit with him.�
The nurse nodded, and left, closing the door gently behind her, leaving June alone in the quiet cold room, the beeps of a heart monitor and an ECG providing the only sound.
She placed her hand on Jim�s regarding him as he slept. Sleep seemed to have taken away the worst vestiges of pain, and he looked relaxed, peaceful. Not wanting to wake him, she remained silent, simply running her thumb over the back of his hand lightly, providing the only source of comfort she could.
Her eyes locked onto his face, and a moment later Jim�s eyes cracked open and looked back at her.
�I thought someone was watching me.�
June smiled. �You look so beautiful when you sleep.�
�Don�t go over the top�what�s happening�?�
�You know you�re in hospital?� Jim nodded, wincing slightly. �They�re running tests, to try to stop these headaches for you.�
�It�s the tablets��
�They don�t think so. They think it might be something more physical that psychological.� June stopped, not wishing to elaborate further.
�So I�m not crazy?� Jim�s eyes fell shut, the corner of his mouth twitched.
�Well�� June smiled, squeezed his hand tighter.
�Thanks a lot.� Jim looked down at her. �You can always make me smile. You�re the best thing that ever happened to me and I�m sorry I�ve hurt you.�
�You haven�t hurt me.� June told him. �You haven�t. What happened�that day�that wasn�t you.�
�Good. Because you know I would never��
�I know. And what happened that day proved that. You were controlled by rage, but still, there was part of you�the real you, that couldn�t. That intervened and didn�t let you.�
�It didn�t stop me hitting you.�
�That�s forgotten.� June assured him. �There is nothing you could do, or nothing you could say that would make me walk away from you.�
�That means so much to me, but if it ever gets too much��
�No, Jim. Do you hear me? I am never leaving you.� She reached up, touched his hair lightly. �And don�t you ever leave me.�
�Never. I�m going to get through this, whatever it is, and I�m going to meet you in that church and you�ll be my wife�and I�ll be the happiest man alive.�
�You won�t be as happy as me�� June smiled.
***
�The MRI is clear.�
�Thank god�� June looked down at Tony, who had arrived a few minutes earlier. �But�you�re not still thinking of��
�I�m afraid it�s the next logical step.�
�No�look, I was just talking to him, he�s better, his headache has eased off, he�s lucid, he is fine.�
�He�s sedated and on morphine. We can�t tell his true condition.�
�Then wait a while.� June pleaded with him.
�We can�t take that risk.� Dr Cooper urged. �Look, I know you want to save him further pain but we will do everything in our power to make it less traumatic for him.�
�Then I want to tell him, and I want to be there.�
�I��
�You promised.�
�Alright.� The doctor sighed. �Alright.�
***
�I�m sorry, Jim, I tried to get them to wait.� June sat at the head of the bed as Jim was prepared for the procedure.
�It�s alright�� Jim assured her, but looked pale, his eyes darting.
�I wish I could tell you it won�t hurt, or��
�I know what happens�my brother had meningitis when he was seventeen. I wasn�t supposed to see what they were doing but, you know me, had to see it all.�
�Being nosy is what had made you such a great copper.� June smiled, leaning down and kissing his forehead.
�Flattery will get you everywhere.� Jim smiled. �You don�t have to be here. I might�I don�t know how I�m going to react��
�We�ll take every moment as it comes.� June soothed. Jim nodded and closed his eyes briefly. He was curled up almost foetally on the bed, his white robe pulled up to expose his lower back which was draped with green surgical cloth. A square hole was cut in the cloth and positioned over the L4 and L5 vertebrae, between which the needle was to be inserted.
�OK, Jim.� Dr Cooper started. �I�m just going to inject a little local anaesthetic. You might feel a little prick.�
June clutched Jim�s hand as the anaesthetic was injected, but he hardly flinched apart from a slight flicker of his eyelids.
�Good start.� June smiled.
Jim rolled his eyes. �As long as I can�t see what he�s doing, it�s not too bad. And if I�ve got something to distract my attention.�
June shook her head and smoothed down his hair.
�Right�� The small needle was exchanged for another, large needle which made June�s stomach constrict. �What is going to happen is, I am going to push this needle into the gap between your vertebrae, and draw off some of the spinal fluid. You have to keep perfectly still, Jim, as you can imagine this is a very precise and delicate process.�
�I�ll try��
�I know, but we need someone here to hold you firmly in place.� He gestured to a nurse, a young, strong looking man of about 30. �Meet Jack.�
�Hi Jack.� Jim muttered. Jack stepped forward and placed one arm around Jim�s back, the other round his legs and took a firm grip.
�I�m going to count up to three and then begin to insert the needle.�
June grabbed for Jim�s hand and held it tightly.
�1�2�3�� Jim sucked in a huge breath and held it as the needle began it�s journey. He was utterly silent, but tears began to escape from his eyes and snake down his cheeks.
�Shhh�� June soothed. Jim shook his head into the pillow.
�No, make them stop!� Jim�s eyes shot open and looked at June with an _expression of such pain and wildness that she involuntarily backed away. �For God�s sake make them STOP!!!�
�I can�t�I�� June froze, then suddenly pulled her hand away from Jim�s, standing. For the last few weeks, she had believed, truly believed that love would be enough to take Jim�s pain away, that with time and effort this would be seen through, but here, now, seeing his pain, not being able to stop it, having it taken out of her control, romanticism was dying and reality was rapidly taking it�s place.
She couldn�t stop his pain, ever, and neither could she bear to stay here and watch it, watch the man she knew and loved crumble before her eyes.
�JUNE!!� His eyes pled with her. �June, please, PLEASE!!!� He screamed at her.
�They�re doing this for your benefit�� June stuttered. �You have to understand, I can�t�� She turned, utterly overwhelmed by emotion and fear, and ran from the room.
Echoing down the corridor behind her came Jim�s screams, screaming her name, screaming in agony.
�JUNE!!!!!�
*****
To be continued�.
****