It was seven pm, and June pulled her car up outside Jim's flat. He'd been here a couple of months, it was dank and dingy but all he could afford with a divorce to save up for. She got out of her car, feeling tired after the long day, an unshakeable sense of sadness surrounding her that was so tangible she could almost touch it.
She bundled herself out of the car, up the path to the newly painted front door. Digging into her handbag she pulled out her keys, locating the one she was looking for and pushing it into the lock. She stopped for a moment then sighed, removing it and hitting the doorbell, jumping as the buzz pierced the silence of the evening.
She waited, nothing. She pressed it again, leaning on it impatiently. After about two minutes, she realised that he couldn't be at home. Swallowing, she slid the key back into the lock and let herself in.
June pushed the door shut behind her, wincing at the creak it made, smiling to herself about the number of times Jim had sworn he would deal with that. She walked through to the kitchen and flipped the light on, looking round at the pile of washing up by the sink. She noticed a milk carton left out on the work surface and crossed the room, picking up it and placing it back into the sink. "What are you like Jim?" She muttered softly.
She wandered around the flat, she had been here before but only when invited, the key was only for emergencies. She now realised why he had always invited her a couple of days in advance, it would take him that long to tidy this place up. In the lounge magazines and clothes were scattered around, in the bathroom, a wet towel lay on the floor tangled up with a pair of black socks, and in the bedroom.... June's nose wrinkled.
She remained at the doorway to his bedroom for the longest time; an invisible barrier seemed to have formed between herself and the room. Despite wanting to step in there so much there was something deep inside that was keeping her out. She reached out to the light switch, flipping it on and looking round slowly, her eyes stopping on the tangled mess of sheets and duvet that was Jim's bed... the forbidden fruit of their relationship.
Sighing, she turned away, digging out her mobile and again dialling Jim's number. His phone was still off, and she decided against leaving another voice-mail message. "Where are you, Jim?" She whispered. She turned back to the bedroom, sighing loudly and stepping in, her instinct for cleanliness and order overwhelming her. She picked up a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the floor, held her breath as she picked up yet more discarded socks, then jumped lightly as something slithered from his jeans pocket onto the carpet. She ducked down, picked it up. It was a receipt for �30 worth of roses.
Feeling suddenly like a schoolgirl caught prying June stuffed the receipt back into the pocket and dropped the clothes back to the floor, running out of the room and the flat and throwing herself into her car, hot tears prickling at her eyes. She fought with them for a moment, before they sprung free, coursing down her face. Jim hadn't bought her roses recently... surely they weren't... surely he couldn't have another woman already... He wouldn't two-time her... would he?
Or *was* it another woman. Thoughts rushed at her from all angles. Thoughts she knew she shouldn't be having, she thought she had learned to trust. But all the trust in the world couldn't wipe away the nagging insecurities, those which assailed her on lonely nights. The most obvious of which was the one that he was still married.
Wiping furiously at her tears, she gunned the engine and pulled out into the stream of traffic. An hour later, after driving aimlessly round and round the city trying to clear her head from the awful thoughts that were pursuing her, she pulled up finally outside her house, climbing slowly out of the car and making her way up the path. She stopped and looked around; it was part of her daily routine to be pounced on by Toto when she returned from work yet there was no sign of him. Feeling totally alone and isolated she slowly opened the door, wanting to hide away from the world.
Her brow crinkled into a frown as she heard soft music seeping out from behind the door of her lush dining room. Eva Cassidy - her favourite album. And from the kitchen came smells which sent her taste buds into overdrive and almost wafted her into the kitchen - where she found, much to her surprise - and delight, one PC Jim Carver, wearing her yellow apron, busy chopping onions.
"Thought you were never coming home." He muttered, not looking up, his face a picture of concentration. "There's wine on the side and I ran you a bath."
"A bath..." June looked around herself. "Jim, what's going on?" She dropped her bag to the marble workbench.
"Lots of bubbles." He turned to her smiling, pouring her a glass of her favourite white wine and pressing it into her hand. "Just go and relax."
"You're in my kitchen and you want me to relax?"
"I could take that as an insult you know." He chuckled lightly. "Go on... before it gets cold." He shooed her out of the room into the hall.
"It's just... I know what you're like... it's the washing up I'm thinking of, you use every pot and pan in the house."
"I only use what I need... now go and relax... maybe... slip into something nice afterwards."
"OK..." June looked at him warily, walking up the stairs and pushing open the door of the bathroom to be met by a cloud of steam and the aroma of her favourite essential oils. She walked up to the mirror, regarded her face in it, wiping the condensation away momentarily, noting the tear tracks lining her cheeks. "What is going on?" She muttered, one part of her loving this, but the other still wondering about the roses.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Jim sang along lightly to the music as he tipped the contents of his chopping board into a frying pan, stirring away as it hissed on the flame. In another pan, two chicken breasts were cooking as a rich creamy sauce bubbled away merrily in a third pan.
He smiled as Toto wrapped himself around his legs, feeling utterly at home here, the happiest he had felt in months. This was right, this was real, him cooking, June upstairs relaxing after a hard day at work. If he had ever questioned what contentment was, he knew now that this was it. "Here, have a prawn." Jim dropped the fish to the floor, grinning as Toto gobbled it up. The meal stable, just for the moment, the once again headed to his jacket which was hanging in the hall, putting his hand in the pocket to reassure himself that his latest purchase was still there. Satisfied, he headed back into the kitchen and continued to cook.
June eased herself out of the bath pulling the plug and watching the water swill away as she wrapped herself up in a huge fluffy warm towel that Jim had left warming on the radiator. She padded through to her bedroom, pausing on the landing to listen to the cooking noises coming from downstairs, accompanied by the unmistakable sound of Jim signing. She laughed lightly, moving into her bedroom and shutting the door behind her gently. Once inside she opened the wardrobe door, flicking through item after item, searching for exactly the right outfit to fit the mood of the evening... whatever that might be.
She finally settled on a simple blue dress, which came down just past her knee, softly flowing with spaghetti straps. After pondering for a moment, she reached for a darker blue wrap and slipped it around her shoulders, to keep her still slightly damp body warm from a slight chill. Then she slipped her feet into a pair of comfortable mules, and ran a brush through her hair. She decided not to go overboard with the make up, just brushing on a little powder and applying some light pink lip-gloss. Sucking in a breath and wondering what lay ahead, she made her way slowly downstairs.
Resisting the temptation to look into the dining room as Jim had made sure the door was firmly shut, she padded silently through to the kitchen, leaning up against the doorframe as she watched Jim at work; stirring, tasting, tweaking... his face still one of utter concentration. She bit her lip, trying not to laugh as he sang along merrily to the CD, swaying in time to the music.
He looked up suddenly, and straight at her. "You look great." He wiped his hands on his apron.
"What? This old thing..." She reached out for the wine bottle and topped up her glass. "You don't look too bad yourself... and don't stop on my account..."
"I'm almost done... prawn cocktail for starters... with three less prawns than I had to begin with..." He frowned down at Toto who was still looking up at him expectantly. "Then chicken breast marinated in my speciality sauce, with fresh organic runner beans and potatoes, followed by..." He grinned cheekily.
"You should stop feeding my cat Jim, he'll be turning his nose up at his whiskers in the morning." June laughed. "It all sounds really good though, what did you say dessert was?"
"Chocolate cake."
"Home made?"
"Would you be disappointed if I said it wasn't?"
"Didn't we say no lying from now on?" June grinned. "It's shop bought I take it."
"It is... I just didn't have time, this was all... spur of the moment."
"Maybe you should go out on a whim more often... nice choice in music too, and wine..."
"Why don't you go on through to the dining room while I dish up and tidy myself up."
"Sure you can manage?"
"You've had a long day, go on, I won't be long."
"You'd better not be..." June smiled at him again before walking through to the dining room. She opened the door slowly, gasping as she took in the beautifully set table, her best crockery and crystal glassware set out, the crystal twinkling gently in the half-light of the dimmed wall-lights. In the middle of the table was her crystal vase containing huge bunch of red roses. She put her hand to her mouth, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.
"What do you think?" He was behind her, his hands soft on her waist.
"It's absolutely beautiful Jim." She tipped her head back to regard him. "Thank you."
"Go on, sit down...I'll be five minutes."
***
Twenty minutes later, June dabbed her lips with a napkin on finishing her prawn cocktail. "So what's the verdict?" Jim asked. "I've never made it before..."
"Not bad..." June smiled. "Ever thought of a change in career? I'm looking forward to the main course."
"So am I, I'm starving." Jim's eyes twinkled. He disappeared into the kitchen and returned moments later with two plates balanced on his arm like a waiter.
"You've done this before..."
"I have actually." Jim rolled his eyes, placing the plates down on the table. "Four months in a fish and chip restaurant when I was sixteen."
"See there is just so much I don't know about you..." She watched him as he sat down. "Bet you didn't know I'm a silver service waitress... I wasn't going to say anything but you set the cutlery out wrong."
"Oh..." Jim pouted. "Sorry." He looked up, June was smiling, but suddenly her eyes faded to darkness as she regarded him. "What... what is it?"
"Don't worry about it..." She looked down at her plate, the back up at Jim, refusing to make eye contact. "I do appreciate this you know... can't remember the last time someone cooked such a fabulous meal for me but... I can't... I can't be bought this easily you know."
"Bought?" He looked up at her, genuinely confused.
"Yes bought... you know, you cook for me, I fall into bed with you." She flushed and looked away.
"You really think that's why I did this?" Jim dropped his fork to his plate, his eyes welling with tears.
"No... honestly... I just... I'm just not used to such romantic gestures. Call me paranoid if you like - and we did say we'd be honest with each other."
"Do you want to know *why* I did this? First off, as an apology."
"You don't have anything to apologise for..."
"Last night... I pushed it too far...."
"No, not... that was me. I wanted to but I was scared...�
"June...I know what you were doing." He looked up at her. "And I think it was very brave of you."
"What? What was I doing?" She panicked and looked up at him.
"Taking me to the edge then pushing me away...gauging how I would react... whether I'd get impatient and leave you..."
"You can read me like a book." June shrugged. "I'm sorry... I just wish I wasn't so damn insecure and afraid."
"You were right to do it." Jim's hand snaked over and squeezed hers. "Thank you."
"You're thanking me? You don't know how close I was to giving in last night."
"I know, June... I know." He shook his head. "June... two years ago, if you'd done that, I would have got angry, we'd probably have argued... I wouldn't have understood, putting my own needs first. But now... it's different. I don't feel angry, or selfish, or bitter and impatient any more. All that is important to me is what is best for you. So... this meal is also a celebration. Of the fact I... we... have grown up and grown together."
"But will we grow old together?" She ducked her head away. "Now come on, we haven't touched the meal yet and you've been slaving away over a hot stove for hours."
"June, I know you still feel insecure. And so do I."
"I wish I wasn't like this... but I am... doesn't stop me loving you though."
"But you have to realise that if we wait until the insecurities all go away, we'll be waiting forever. There isn't a couple on earth who don't have doubts... worries."
"I guess I just want everything to be perfect." She squeezed his hand, entwining her fingers with his. "I've always been a perfectionist."
"I'd noticed... every time I look at you I'm so scared someone better is going to come along and take you away from me."
"Something did come along and take you from me." June sighed.
"That's not going to happen again. June - last time, I started to take you for granted, but this time, what we have is so good, so incredible, that every day I want to make the effort to show you, prove to you how much I love you. Maybe one day someone else will turn your head but at least I'll know I've tried."
"There is no-one else for me. I've known that for a long time now. Jim I want to be with you, I want to commit to you, but can you live with my insecurities? My fears?"
Jim looked at her for a long moment, then stood, pulling his hand away, leaving the room and pulling the door shut behind him.
June felt tears stinging at her eyes. "I've blown it." She muttered, banging her fist against the table. She got to her feet and flung open the door. "Jim... I'm sorry. I don't mean to push you away."
He spun around, hiding one hand behind his back. "What...what do you mean?"
"Please don't leave me again." She sobbed.
"Oh, June...what do I have to do to prove to you I won't..." He stepped forward, close to her.
"I don't know... just hold me."
"I've got a better idea." Slowly he pulled his hand out from behind his back. "Hold out your hand."
"What?"
"I said... hold out your hand."
June frowned, doing exactly as she was told, her arm trembling.
Jim smiled lightly, dropping a small blue box into her palm. He shrugged. "Open it."
She opened the box slowly, a single diamond on a gold band twinkled up at her as she gasped and looked over at Jim.
His eyes misted over as he slowly got down onto one knee. "June Ackland... will you marry me?" He gazed up at her.
"I... I..." She gasped. "Yes... of course I will." She looked down at him, tears streaming down her face.
Jim sighed a massive sigh of relief, his head sagging to his chest. "June..." He smiled, looking up at her.
"Get up from down there." She dropped the box back into his hand. "I'm not putting in on myself."
"Can you give me a hand... I'm not as young and lithe as I used to be."
"I suppose I can manage that." She took both of his hands in hers and pulled him up to his feet. "You don't know how much I love you right now."
"I think I do." He cracked open the box and slid out the ring. Then he took her left hand in his. "The moment I'm free... the very moment, you'll be my wife." He slid the ring onto her finger. "And this time it *will* be forever."
"I don't doubt that for a second." She tipped her head to one side and looked at him.
"So..." Jim shrugged. "The food is getting cold."
"Is that all you think about?" June laughed.
"After all that effort I put in... June... I... I didn't do this to get you into bed; I hope you know that... I can wait as long as you need..."
"I know you didn't." She moved over to him, hugging him tightly, resting her head on his chest. "I've been doing some thinking of my own and..." She tipped her head up, kissed his softly. "Reckon it'll microwave?"
"I reckon it would... and chocolate cake lasts for days." He returned her kiss.
"Of course... if you'd rather eat..." He unbuttoned his shirt slowly, sliding her hands under the material. "As much as I want you right now... I'm sure I can wait a little longer."
"What's best for you is what is most important to me."
"We could maybe... work up an appetite?" She pulled his shirt clean from his trousers and discarded on the floor. "If that's ok with you of course..."
"Sounds just about perfect..." He took her hand and pulled her towards the stairs.
"Patience Jim..." June laughed.
"I don't want to be patient. I want you." He breathed, pushing her wrap from her shoulders onto the floor.
"Glad to hear it... but we should savour this moment..." She stepped closer to him. "I want to remember it forever."
"You're right...me too." He slid his hands into her hair. "I love you, June Ackland. And every time I say it I mean it more."
"Then keep saying it..." She slid her hands to his belt buckle; unfastening and pulling it clear of his trousers. "I love you Jim."
Jim pulled away slightly, ascended two stairs and held out his hand. "Come on..."
She followed him up the stairs, stopping on the same step as his to kiss him once more, before climbing up another couple of stops and stopping to turn to him. "What are you waiting for?"
Jim grinned broadly, then chased as she turned and headed at a run for the bedroom.
***
The hallway outside June's bedroom belied the fondness for neatness and cleanliness that the house's owner held. A blue dress pooled on the floor near the top of the stairs, along with a pair of charcoal grey trousers. A little further along, a pair of grey socks, and a white lacy bra. Just by the bedroom door, a pair of boxer shorts and, draped over the handle, some small silky women's underwear. The bedroom door itself was firmly closed.
Downstairs, Toto padded silently into the dining room, where he stopped and looked around, sniffing the air. A moment later, he sprang up onto the table, looking from Jim's plate to June's, both barely touched and still warm. With a loud mew, he bounced over to Jim's plate and began to tuck in, licking his lips at the amount of delicious food his wonderful owner and her lovely friend had left for him.
His appetite sated, he hopped down from the table, out into the hall, where he placed his paws on the bottom step and mewed upwards. There was no reply, and evidently no more treats for him tonight. So he padded back into the lounge, and jumped up on the sofa, instinctively knowing his place in June's bed was taken for night, and pushed his body up against the soft plush of a large teddy bear. Within moments he was fast asleep.
***
Upstairs, June pressed her body similarly against Jim. "Thank you." She breathed. "I've missed that kind of intimacy... it was perfect."
"No, *you're* perfect - thank you for agreeing to be my wife." He kissed the end of her nose. "I love you June Ackland."
"Love you too." She yawned. "Sorry... you're not boring me, it's just been a long day."
"Then get some sleep... I'm not going anywhere." He pulled her closer to him, feeling her breathing slow as she dropped off.
He looked down at her, watching her sleep, feeling a rush of happiness and awe. "I mean it - I'm never going to leave you... I'd be a fool..." He kissed the top of her head then closed his eyes.
Moments later, he too was asleep. The house was silent apart from the odd creak and the soft breathing of all three members of the Ackland/Carver household, as they dreamt of their total happiness and satisfaction. Who knew what the next day would bring, but one thing was for sure - tonight signified the start of the rest of their lives - one which they would spend together.
THE END!!!!
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