"Gabriel is not my son!! He is the son of the couple who adopted Robert. His real name is David Kent. He is impersonating Gabriel and that's how he got into the Met, he did all this to get at me. You see he hates me because he blames me for his parents loving Robert. His great plan was to come to Sun Hill and lure me, seduce me and me being a blind middle-aged fool fell for his charm. I felt you pushing me away as soon as we got close over Marie you pushed me away so I walked into Gabriel who had been making a play for me for a while. But I thought at the time there was something wrong he always seemed to get at me when I was at my lowest ebb."
June sat next to Jim feeling the colour drain from her face as she spoke of the night she first slept with Gabriel..."Jim I told you that after and since the rape no man has ever made me feel special or safe except you. Well that still stands. With Gabriel I closed my eyes and I longed for it to be you next to me making love to me holding me. We slept together three times but that was three times too many for me now I see what his game was it all makes sense. He always spoke about you and how he felt you had let me down and hurt me, made a fool of me. He would get inside my mind somehow and make me think for that split second that he was right. Then...then.... well then that's when he would seduce me." June began to feel the tears roll down her cheek..."Jim it felt as if he was raping me again and again in my mind and while he held my body close. I just wanted to push him away from me.... do you believe me Jim� please say you do?"
"Sshh yes I believe you but how did you let him do this so many times?"
"Each time I vowed it would be the last, but every day I was hoping you would notice and you would ask me or show me you still cared. I nearly told you the day of Sheelagh's baby's funeral."
Jim nodded and opened up to June. "That day I found out Marie had been sectioned I just wanted to tell you, hide away with you and talk." Jim reached out for June and wrapped his arms around her and felt June shaking against him. Jim soothed her by stoking her hair and holding her close. The pain was so real for both of them. "How did you find out he wasn't your son?"
June held her head against his chest as she wiped her tears away and felt safe with Jim� how long could this last?
"He saw how hurt and disgusted I was when he thought he had convinced me we had committed incest he then decided to tell me the real truth, who he was and where Robert was." She looked up at Jim and saw his support shining out of his eyes and the mere fact he was holding her so tightly..."Jim I have met him today. I have met my son!"
It dawned on Jim that's where she must have been earlier he held her chin up and stoked her cheek. "Did you want me to come with you earlier?"
June looked down..."God knows what you must think. We have put each other through so much and I have the cheek to ask you to come with me to hold my hand through the most difficult time in my life."
"And I wasn't there� again!" Jim was upset he felt he had let her down again, at a time when she really needed to feel secure, safe and loved.
"No, no Jim you didn't let me down. I had to do it on my own. I'm glad I did it on my own. I pretended to be a buyer for the house and you'll love this I introduced myself as...."She looked away as a dry smile came on her face...Jim waited for her to speak. "Go on what did you introduce yourself as?"
June looked into his grey eyes as she smiled softly and said..."Mrs Carver!"
Jim pulled her close and kissed the top of her head he whispered in her hair..."If you'll only let me make that true one day June!"
June didn't hear his words she told him about Robert and how she felt when she saw him. Jim rested his chin on her head as she continued...
"Jim he was lovely. Tall, softly spoken he's married to a nurse and they have two daughters. Jim I'm a grandma, to Abigail and Louise. I held Louise. It reminded me of the day Robert was born and how much love I felt for him when the nurses put him in my arms. It made me feel a great sense of regret for lost years. I have missed out on so much as a mother and now I am to miss out again as a grandmother. All I ever wanted in life was to love and be loved and through Robert and the girls I could have this but I don't feel strong enough to ask for it nor do I feel I have the right to ask for it. Maybe it is my punishment for giving up Robert, that was my hope of love and I gave it away."
Jim gazed at her..."did you tell him who you were?"
June shook her head. "No I couldn't. He seemed so happy. I think he knew who I was. Somehow I think he searched in me what I felt I was searching in him. I wanted to tell him but then I just felt it all got too much. I would have tell him about the rape, about Gabriel and Jim some of these things I haven't dealt with myself yet so how on earth can I expect my son to deal with it all. He's moving to America now so I wont get a chance to see him again. To be honest Jim seeing him the once was all I needed. I think!"
"June it doesn't have to be like this. You can make contact with him and be in his life and the girls life for as long as he wants or you want."
"No Jim it's a chance I can't take. Gabriel has taken that away from me Jim and I want nothing more to do with him."
"You are going to tell Inspector Gold about Gabriel aren't you."
June pushed Jim at arms length..."No Jim you can't. It was the only way he would give me Roberts address I promised not to tell about his secret and not only that but I don't want anyone to know I slept with him and who knows what that man is capable of."
Jim was raged as he shouted..."I'll kill him when I get my hands on him."
June cupped Jims face in her hands..."No Jim that's what he wants. He wants to come between us and I wont let that happen."
June was suddenly aware that Jim was looking at her she blushed as she dropped her hands and looked embarrassed as to what she had just said.
Jim had heard every word and his heart was leaping inside. Even whilst he was with Marie he had know there was only ever going to be June for him, he had been so foolish letting her go. He desperately needed to know how she felt and slowly but surely he was finding out.
"June no one and nothing could ever come between us, but what is us June?"
June stood up and walked over to the window and crossed her arms around her she thought about what it was she really wanted. Her and Jim had been through so much is this the right time for them to be saying this to each other? This was it now Jim knew everything about her and as she turned to see him still sat on her sofa, it reassured her he was still there for her. Just having him there was giving her hope, he had made her see the good that had come out of all the lies Gabriel had told her...she had found Robert.... and she hoped she had found Jim again.
She felt Jim standing close behind her she could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he spoke gently. "June I know all there is to know now and I'm here. I don't care that you slept with Gabriel. I do care that you have a son and two beautiful grand daughters that are part of you. I do care that you are hurting because you may never see them again. I do care that you have thoughts and feelings about your rape that you still have not addressed. I don't care how long that will take till we both deal with that." He spun June round and held her at shoulders length and gazed into her deep brown eyes as he could see the fear and insecurity in her eyes. "June I do care that you need someone, I care because I hope it's me you need because June I do still love you now and forever. I'm not saying that because you are at your lowest I'm saying this now because you need to hear it but most importantly you need to believe it. I am stood here loving you, waiting to love you and wanting you to love me back if you want to and if you feel you can?"
June reached up and touched his lips with her fingers...the tears poured out of her eyes as she sobbed. "I really didn't deserve you Jim Carver." She felt Jim pulling her close and his lips brushed hers softly kissing her lightly as Jim pulled away he could see June had her eyes closed.
"Is this ok June?"
She opened her eyes and softly said..."You always make it more than ok Jim no matter what it is with you next to me I know I can deal with anything as long as you are here."
Jim took her hand and led her out of the living room. At the foot of the stairs June stopped and looked at Jim..."Are you sure about this?"
Jim enveloped his arms around her and whispered in her ears...."I'm here Mrs Carver for as long as you want me and I hope that means I never have to leave your side again."
June looked up at him..."I like the sound of that...Mrs Carver."
Jim smiled back at her and kissed her cheek before kissing her lips again. "Good I'm glad you do lets work on it then. I'll never leave I'd be a fool 'cos I finally found someone who really cares for me and whom I love with all my heart and that woman is you and yes you do deserve to be loved."
As Jim led her up the stairs June said. "Jim I only want to be loved by you that's what makes the stronger person I am."
As they reached her bedroom Jim pulled her towards the bed and gently pushed her down and began kissing June passionately. This was to be a night where two lovers would rekindle their lovemaking. Reaffirm themselves with each other�s bodies and make a commitment to each other that would bond them both for a lifetime to come.
June had found a son whom she had held for a brief moment before giving him up. Finding him brought back memories of a deeply painful time for her, a time she had yet to deal with emotionally and personally. She had found her past again and in this she had also sealed her future with Jim. She had once again found her best friend and lover. The man who had showed her what love had actually meant, the man who had showed her she did have the right to be loved, the man who had made her face so many ghosts in her past but showed her the light that would shine in their future. She had found the man she felt knew her like no other had or would ever know her. In Jim she had found herself again and in Jim she had found the place that her true happiness lay. With him beside her always!!
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