"I cried a tear you wiped it dry. I was confused you cleared my mind. I sold my soul you bought it back for me and held me up and gave me dignity, somehow you needed me.
You gave me strength to stand alone again to face the world out on my own again. You put me high upon a pedestal so high I could almost see eternity you needed me you needed me.
I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true. I needed you and you where there and I'll never leave why should I leave I'd be a fool 'cos I finally found someone who really cares, you needed me.
You held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost you took me home. You gave me hope when I was at the end and turned my lies back into truths again you even called me friend.
You gave me strength to stand alone again to face the world out on my own again you put me high upon a pedestal so high I could almost see eternity you needed me you needed me."
June heard the song finish as she finished wiping the dishes...
"Cos I finally found someone who really cares." A single tear fell down her face she realised now how hard it was facing up to truths. She was kidding herself if she ever really thought that about Gabriel. She knew deep down who that line in the song could only ever refer to one man in her life.........Jim!!
June had had a hard day she went upstairs and began to run a bath she played back in her mind the events of the past few days. Jim finding out, telling her, Gabriel, why was he so warped in what he told her yesterday and of course the fact that somewhere out there Robert was there. She heard the phone as she turned off the taps. She really didn't want to speak to anyone she heard the answering machine switch on...
"June it's me... Jim! Look if you are there pick up please June." June heard the pause but knew he was still there...."Ok look I understand if you don't want to talk, but June I'm here if you need me."
June undressed and stepped into the hot bath and sank down and cried as she poured the water over her face the heat from the water blending into her face and the heat that was pouring out with her tears. She felt so alone and so confused. She felt sickened that Gabriel had implied that she had committed incest, how cruel was he to enjoy going over their most intermit details, how he kissed her how she had made love to him...she felt nauseous at the mere thought of it now. It brought to her mind the visions of her actual rape, memories that had been so well buried and hidden at the back of her mind. Now because of this she had to confront them all again... alone. She felt anger that Gabriel had followed her to her car and after all that she had said to him in the day he still believed she would have so easily gone back to his place tonight. She felt deep rage inside how any man could put another human through what he had done to her. In many ways it felt as though she was being raped again and again by Gabriel he had this hold over her...but not for much longer. She wanted the chance to make contact with Robert, her son. Gabriel was the only person who could do this and if he didn't she would make sure he was out of her life and Sun Hill forever.
The next morning.
June dressed for work and she had it all planed she would ask Gabriel one last time for Roberts address if he refused she would go and see Gina and Mr Okaro. Just as she reached the door her mobile rang she grabbed it, it said...Jim calling! June smiled no matter what had happened over the last twelve months he was always there. What was it between them that they had but so often missed? She answered it...."Hello, hi Jim, yes I'm ok I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone last night but I just wanted to be alone. I know Jim and thanks. Look I'm just on my way into work I'll see you later ok bye...oh and Jim...Jim�thanks." The last word was too late Jim had already hung up.
June was in her office when Gina walked in.
"June good work yesterday."
"Thanks Ma'am at least the little girl is alive and well."
June looked at Gina and wondered if she was going ask about Gabriel knowing full well she knew.
"Anything on your mind June?" Gina looked at her and raised her eyebrows up. June opened her mouth but stopped she had to give him one last chance...."Erm no Ma'am nothing I can think of."
As Gina walked out Gabriel walked in and glared at June...."Well have you told her?" His voice was harsh as he spoke to June.
She walked up to him and stared him in the eyes as she spoke with anger in her voice..."No but at 1 o'clock I have a meeting with her about PC's on the relief and I am warning you Gabriel if you don't give me my sons address..."
"June he doesn't want to know you. He blames you for our parents� death. After the row and the accident he vowed not to go looking for you."
June spun round and spat at him..."I don't believe a word you say Gabriel your whole life is based on lies and twisting what little of the truth you think you know."
Gabriel reached his hand out to touch Junes face she saw his hand raise up and she grabbed it hard and squeezed it tight as she said..."don't you ever touch me again do you hear me whatever we had is over."
"You don't mean that June I know you love me. You are kidding yourself."
June laughed out loud as she threw his arm down and walked over to the door and opened it she glared at him..."Love you� you must be joking I felt sorry for you, you were so easy to lure and believe you me that's what I did. I only did it to get back at Jim!"
Gabriel stormed out as he did Jim was standing in the door way..."June!"
She turned round and saw Jim standing there�"Jim how long have you been there?"
Jim walked in and closed the door behind him. June sat down in her chair and held her head in her hands. She couldn't bear to look at him what must he be thinking?
She looked up "Jim..."
Jim stopped her "Sshh it doesn't matter how long I was standing there. What's going on June?
"Jim look I really appreciate your concern but I� we have to deal with this on our own just me and Gabriel. Please understand."
Jim nodded and stood up..."June!"
She looked up at him as she stood facing him..."June I...well I'm here if you do need to talk ok?"
June reached her hand out to touch his arm just as he was turning to walk out of the door.
1pm
June stood up and made her way to Inspector Gold�s office she was walking down the corridor when Gabriel caught up with her and grunted loudly at her� "June, June don't, wait." He caught up with her and grabbed her hand as she was about to knock on the door.
"Gabriel let me go now, so help me I am warning you this is your last chance."
Gabriel let go of her hand and handed her a piece of paper..."It's a couple of hours away but..."June didn't give him chance to finish she ran down the corridor towards CAD.
"Polly do me a favour if anyone asks I'm out on a job ok!"
"June are you ok?"
June nodded at her and was about to leave when she turned round..."Polly have you seen Jim anywhere?"
"Sorry June not for a while think he's with DS Hunter. Why do you want me to give him a message?"
"It's ok Poll I'll call him. Polly thanks." She smiled at Polly as she walked out of CAD.
June changed in the ladies locker room as she put her coat on she sat down. What was she doing? Robert might not even want to know her like Gabriel said. Could she take the chance of not finding out? She felt in her pockets and found the piece of paper Gabriel had given her. She clasped it to her chest.... she had to go but could she do it alone? She found her mobile in her bag and called Jim as it rang she became jittery and her heart was pounding it went straight to answering machine...."Jim it's June� look this isn't going to make any sense I know but if you're free could you meet me back here in half an hour. Jim I need a friend right now."
June sat in the canteen with a coffee and looked at her watch she had waited forty minutes now for Jim and she really needed to be making a move. She squared it with Inspector Gold she would be off site for the next few hours now she had completed the paper work from yesterdays missing child.
June went into the car park she searched for Jim's car but could not see it... was this a sign? Was someone trying to tell her she had to face this moment on her own?
She pulled up outside the address Gabriel had given her. As she did so a woman and a little girl came out and shut the door behind them. June hid her face slightly. She watched after them and her mind began to race, who were they? Was she Robert's wife? Was it his daughter...June's granddaughter?
She walked up to the door and took in a deep breath as she knocked. She turned round and took a step away as he she heard the door open she froze. She heard him speak� her son... for the first time she heard him speak to her� "Yes can I help you?"
June turned round and looked at him� he was handsome, tall, dark, brown eyes that were soft and searching.
June stuttered as she said. "Gabriel..."
"Yes" He said puzzled looking.
"Gabriel Kent�"June said hopefully.
"Yes that's right!"
June smiled and breathed a sigh of relief..."Oh I called the estate agent and they told me you were expecting me to view the house."
Robert looked at this woman who looked familiar to him..."Oh that's right and you are?"
June smiled as she extended her hand out to him�"Mrs Carver!" To June that felt so right and seeing Robert also felt right.
Robert asked her in and showed her round the house June's eyes were searching around trying to drink in everything about him, the house his life, anything that would give her the tiniest detail she could hold onto.
As they went upstairs he showed her into a little girls room. As she picked up a toy he softly said..."This is Abigail's room."
June looked round as she said the name Abigail again� she was a grandma she wanted to cry there and then� what had she missed out on. As they went down the stairs June looked at the photos on the wall. She saw one of Robert and Gabriel in their navy uniform. There was one of Robert and a woman... who was she?
"This is room has just been decorated we didn't realise we would be moving so soon."
"It's lovely why are you moving?"
"It's my job I have been asked to relocate to America."
June couldn't believe what she was hearing she had just found him and now she was about to loose him.
"What do you do?"
"I'm in sales."
"Oh and your wife?"
Robert was a little unsure as to why al the questions where being asked. June could see this by the look on his face.
"She's a nurse!"
"I'm sorry it's..."Just then they were interrupted by the sounds of a baby crying. Robert went out into another room and June followed him. She watched him pick up a beautiful baby and cradle the crying child in his arms. He walked over to her..."This is the noisiest of the bunch."
"He's beautiful what's he called?"
"She is called Louise."
June by now had to hold herself together as she could feel her eyes fill up she knew with a blink of an eye the tears would flow freely and then she would have to explain to Robert who she really was... could she do that? Should she do that? Did she have the strength to do it?
June held her arms out to Robert. "May I?"
Robert gave Louise to June as he went to the kitchen to make up a bottle for her. June held Louise close and squeezed her tightly as she smelled her she closed her eyes and whispered..."Hello sweetheart this is grandma, but you wont know that. I wish you could."
She cradled Louise close and tried to soothe her she began to hum a lullaby as Robert walked in. June wasn't aware of him standing there until she turned round to see him watching them both. June blushed as she handed Louise back to Robert. "I'm sorry I just thought it would help."
Robert looked at June softly. "Please don't apologise you're a natural. "At that the door opened and in walked a woman whom Robert kissed on the cheek. "Hi this is Mrs Carver she has come to view the house."
The lady smiled as she took hold of Louise. "Nice to meet you I'll take this one and leave you two to it." As she took Louise from Robert June's heart sank as she heard her say..."Come on Granny's here now."
June was confused she felt pushed out, not really part of this. She so desperately wanted to be a part of Robert's life and his family�s lives. She looked up at him a part of her felt as if he knew whom she was. She felt in his eyes he was doing as much searching as she was.
"Gabriel look there is something I need to tell you�I well... it's�" Robert jumped in,
"What is it? Is it too much for you?"
June stopped and realised yes it was too much she couldn't cope with all this. It was all too much, too soon. She didn't feel in control, just like when she was raped. She hadn't really dealt with that and if she told Robert who she was she would have to face up to reality and tell him all about the rape who his father was, who the grandfather of those beautiful girls was. She wasn't strong enough not now, she needed to take in this moment and cherish it just like the day Robert was born and the nurse gave him to her to be held. That was one of the most cherished moments of her life. She felt an arm on her shoulder she looked and saw it was Roberts...."Yes it is too much for me. Do you have an address I can contact you in America?"
Robert looked at her wanting to know more about this woman. "You can contact me through the agents."
June nodded..."Of course I can. Have a good life out there and I hope it all goes well for you and your family."
Robert nodded and smiled at June "Thank you that's very kind of you."
June smiled at his mother-in-law and gently touched Louise on the arm. "Bye Louise."
As she walked away Robert's mother-in-law called back. "Bye...." June turned and said. "June, it's June!"
Robert whispered the name "June!"
At the door she shook his hand and kept hold of it for a while as she became aware Robert was looking at her. She pulled away and said "Bye" as June walked down the path she felt tears roll down her face as she accepted the fact that this was probably the first and last time she would ever see Robert...her son!
June sat in the car the last hour flashing been her head, Robert, photos, Louise! She smiled she was a grandma, wait till she tells Jim that.... she stopped as she heard a knock on the car window. She glanced up and saw it was Robert's mother-in-law. She wound down the window as she woman handed her handbag over..."You left your bag� are you ok!"
June wiped her face and nodded her head..."Yes thank you could you say god bye to Gabriel for me please he's a very kind man."
"Yes he is I'm a very lucky woman."
As she walked away June cried in the car all the years she had lost he had gained with other people in his life. She was thankful he had made a happy life for himself and all she could do was hope that deep down he knew who she really was today. She prayed that in time he would understand and forgive her for giving him up for adoption and she hoped in time she would be able to forgive herself and learn to love and be loved again.
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