�Pretty baby don�t you leave me I have been saving smiles for you��
M i l k
It wasn�t often Jim cooked, never the time nor inclination to spend a good hour lovingly preparing a meal just to sit down alone and enjoy it. Now cooking for somebody else was a different matter. It was kind of surreal though, being alone in June�s kitchen, in her home for that matter. Not really knowing where anything was kept, and feeling just a little bit awkward looking through the cupboards for pans and dishes and spices to put in the meal. But he was surviving and it actually smelt quite good.
Tony�s words still hung in the air though, stifling and painful. An awful lump stuck in the back of Jim�s throat and he couldn�t escape the feeling he�d done something terribly wrong. It was time�s like this when he began to miss just a tiny glass of wine to accompany his meal, to release the pressure of the day and de-stress him if you like. He heard the front door open, took a gulp of his water and tried to change his train of thought.
June smiled warmly as she entered the kitchen. �You cooked � and I only asked for milk.� She kissed his cheek. �Is this a hidden talent?�
�Wait until you�ve tasted it first.�
She laughed and took off her wet coat. �Weather is terrible.�
�I kinda like it though � deep and moody.�
�Hmm like you.� She mumbled as she looked through the mail on the table.
�I�m not always moody.� He pulled her round and kissed her gently, immediately her hands went round his neck and she kissed him back, reassuringly.
�I thought you were having regrets already.� He smiled against her mouth.
She kissed him again to make her point. �No, just nervous, long time alone.�
�I know.�
�I�ll go change before dinner.�
�Domestic bliss ey?�
�Something like that. Quite nice actually, unexpected but nice.�
Perhaps the euphoria he felt when lying next to her was over indulgent, far too overwhelming and premature. They�d only just begun this; there was much they didn�t know about the other, there was probably much that they still hid. The dangerous territory of discovering secrets about each other�s past, her difficulty with intimacy and sharing, her devotion to her Father taking over her life for so long. And his own need to find this partner for life, always pushing commitment to the point where each and every girlfriend had felt the need to leave. He turned to watch her sleep and told himself over and over again that he mustn�t screw yet another relationship up. Not push her too much, not isolate her, play by her rules and make it work. If he tried it could work � couldn�t it?
�Jim, stop staring at me.� She said without even opening her eyes.
�You�re supposed to be asleep.�
�I am trying but somebody is keeping me awake�� She turned to face him. �What�s on your mind?�
�Lot�s of things � you.� He grinned, that usual boyish tilt of the head that endeared him to her. She caught hold of his hand as he reached to touch her face and kissed his fingers.
�And what else?�
He sighed and turned onto his back. �Tony, he had yet another go at me again earlier.�
�Don�t take it too personally � he�s having a hell of a time and you�re the easiest person to take it out on.�
�You really believe that?�
�Yes, things will work out.�
�Maybe I�m not as positive as you. We�ve been friends for years� and now.�
�The friendships strained.�
�An understatement. He thinks I don�t trust him anymore, don�t believe him. I do, I just � I have to do my job, he of all people should understand that.�
�I know, just give it time.� She moved closer to him. �Besides, you are positive in many more things that me. You were the one who pushed for this.�
�I didn�t mean to push � I shouldn�t have, I always end up ruining it.�
�Don�t say that, I know I�ve not been completely responsive to you but that isn�t because I don�t want this Jim, you know why.�
�Work.�
�Yes, and well as you said neither of us have excellent track records as pioneers of relationships do we. What's more you�re younger than me and you forget I�ve known you many years and I know you�re into that entire family thing. Marriage and children�I can�t help but feel you should find a younger woman who can give you that.�
�People change, it�s taken me some years to realise that what I always sought out was really right there in front of me. I love you and I want to make this last.�
�And that�s why you�re here.� She leant up on her arm and kissed him. �Perhaps you should think of bringing some clothes over, so you don�t have to keep getting up at the crack of dawn to go home and change before work.� She rested back down again by his side, her arm draped across him and he listened as her breathing became deeper, more controlled, her arm felt warm over him, heavy � she was asleep.
Things were moving forward, slowly but perfectly and it was her who was moving it now not him. If only he could keep his rational thought and let it take its course, let it be enough. Leaving a toothbrush in her bathroom, a few shirts in her wardrobe, cooking the evening meal and picking up milk on the way home from work.
