Ten minutes later, a taxi pulled up at the far end of Canley Bridge. The driver, a kindly looking man in his fifties, looked back to his passenger. "That'll be �4.50 love."
June fumbled in her purse, producing a five pound note and practically throwing it at the driver, mumbling her thanks as she eased her body out of the car. She walked onto the bridge, stopping when she reached the centre, the point where her and Jim had stood for so long the previous evening.
She looked down at the water, the sun shining on it and making it glisten and twinkle before her. There was another world under that glistening surface, a world that Jim knew and loved and would frequently inhabit, with an infectious fascination that she had never understood. She swallowed, reached into her bag and pulled out her purse, opening it and slipping out a photograph from one of the compartments.
"You promised you'd never leave me." She muttered, a lone tear snaking down her face and splashing onto the photo.
"And I meant it." A voice, behind her, the sensation of someone standing close to her. She tensed involuntarily.
"Jim..."
Slowly she turned to face him, blinking. He stood before her, real but yet strangely unreal. "June..." His grey eyes glistened.
"I knew you wouldn't let me down..."
"Why are you here?"
"I want to be with you." June turned to look at the water. "Forever."
"No, June. I stopped you last night and I'm stopping you now."
"No. Not this time. I can't live without you."
"You can... June... there is so much you can do. Things I need you to do. Someone has to look after Ben, someone has to make sure that what happened to Ben, and to me doesn't happen again... and you can do that."
"But it's my fault you're dead... I killed you..."
"June... don't say that, never believe that... if we could go back to that moment I would do the same thing again and again and again to make sure that you go on. You have a wonderful gift, you have the power to change things."
"I couldn't stop her killing you... I can't do this anymore Jim." She stepped up onto the railings.
"June please..." June turned to look at him, tears were rolling down his face. "June, if you love me you won't do this."
"Of course I love you... that's why I'm doing this... I want to be with you. Nothing else matters."
"But it does. Can't you see that? You die now, nothing changes. You live, you live for me and you can make a difference. I know you and trust in you."
"You always now just what to say to make me feel better." June smiled. "But I don't know if I CAN do it without you beside me."
"I'll always be with you, June. In your heart, all around you."
"You say that but..." She stepped down, turned to him once more. "Do you promise?"
"I promise... you want someone to talk to, or yell at or curse then you come to me. I'm never going to leave you, and one day..."
"One day?" June sobbed.
"One day we'll be together again."
"Then I'll try... for you, for Ben... to see HER punished for this. And I'll wait for that day when we're together again. I'll always love you. Promise me you'll be with me every step of the way."
"I swear to you. You're my best friend, my lover, my partner, my soulmate..." Jim shook his head. "I love you more than words can ever say."
"Then I'll do it for you... but the instant you're not there for me... I'll come looking..."
"You do that." Jim smiled, laughed gently. "And I'll come running... full of excuses..."
"You'll never change will you?" June laughed. "Frozen in time... will you still want me when I'm old and grey?"
"June... I would have married you, taken you on forever... you're still as beautiful now as you were when I met you. You'll always be beautiful."
"You old charmer..." She chewed her bottom lip. "Wait for me."
"I will... but promise me you'll keep going... never give up."
"As long as you're there..."
"I'll be there." Jim reached up a hand to her face. June felt a tingle go through her, as if she had received a mild electric shock.
"Marie will pay for this... I'll make sure of it."
"Shhhhh... no anger, not now, please." He looked down at the floor. "I have to go."
"You said you'd never leave..."
"June..." Jim sobbed, his face wet with tears. "I've done what I came to do..."
"And if I need you..." June gulped back her tears, the words sticking in her throat. "You'll come back?"
"Just call me." He began to walk slowly away. "And I'll be there. I love you."
"I love you too. Don't be a stranger."
"I won't." Jim turned away, walked a little further, then turned back and grinned at her. "See ya, Sarge." He raised his hand to wave.
"Goodbye PC Carver... JimJim" She waved back.
"Bye...." His parting word echoed in her mind as she stood, staring at the place where she had last seen him. He had simply disappeared, dematerialising before her eyes. Her body shook in a massive sob. She slid slowly to the pavement, looking again at the picture she held in her hand.
"June..." She felt a hand on her shoulder, looked up into Gina's eyes. "You scared us."
"I'm alright."
"Are you sure? I know what this bridge means to you... and to Jim."
"I know... and I know he wouldn't want me to... I have to go on, for him... he'd want that."
"That's true... We've got Marie... we're questioning her now."
"Good... Gina... I didn't tell you... Marie... paid my attacker to rape me."
"Oh June..." Gina shook her head. "Is there no end to what that woman will do? Least we can get him for it now, might help you move on?"
"I'm going to move on. I'm going to make sure that what happened to Jim doesn't happen to any other man - get involved with some campaign, or start one..." June nodded to herself. "And there's Ben..."
"He knows what's happened. He's with social services at the moment. He wants to see you sometime though."
"I want to see him too." June managed, finally to smile. "I'm not going to let Jim's life... and death, be in vain."
"It won't be June... I promise you that." Gina held out her hand. "Need a lift anywhere?"
"Back to the nick... I need to be with people right now. People like you, and Polly... all my friends."
"Then that's where we'll go. I know Polly wants to see you - she's really concerned."
"She's my best mate... well, second best." June looked down at the picture once more. "And he'll be there to. Sun Hill was his home."
"Come on then." Gina took June's hand. "Let's get back there - that concrete can't be comfortable."
"Thanks." June stood, looked once more over the river. "I think... we should scatter his ashes here."
"I think he'd like that... We all know how much he loved the water."
"He did... loved it more than dry ground most of the time." June smiled. "He was an odd one, Gina, but... I love him." She shrugged.
"Anyone could see that you two were made for each other." June slung her arm around June's shoulder. "I think you need a coffee... or something stronger."
"Coffee's fine. Thanks, Gina."
"It's ok - we're all here for you June. Any time you need to talk, my door's always open." She wrinkled her forehead. "Except when it's shut... but even then, feel free."
"I'll be OK. He's still with me." She turned back a little, looked across the bridge. "Aren't you, Jim?"
Gina looked slightly baffled but said nothing. Her arm remaining on June's shoulder, guiding her towards the parked car.
***
Five days later, June carried a cup of coffee up the stairs to the door of the spare room which she rapped on gently. "Mary... are you awake?" There was no reply but she pushed the door open. A woman, grey haired, almost seventy, was sitting up in the bed, looking at some photographs she has retrieved from her bag.
Mary looked up. "Oh thank you June." She patted the bed beside her. "Sit down... I was just looking at these."
"Family photos...." June looked at the black and white shots. "Who's that... that's not Jim, so it must be Mark or Andrew." She points to a small boy, in shorts, on the beach, standing over a sandcastle proudly, hands balled on hips.
"No it's Jim... he was such a beautiful child, that mop of red hair... I miss him so much June."
"I know... so do I... I wish we'd met, before all of this." June swallowed. "Jim... he never talked about you much."
"Jim's father never wanted him to join the police... wanted him to get a proper job... I lost my baby because of his father's stubborn streak, which Jim inherited of course. We'd started talking a lot more recently... I think he was lonely."
"Did he... tell you about me?" June looked at another picture, Jim at about ten years of age, looking shyly up at the camera.
"About a year ago he told me was seeing someone... you... he sounded so happy. The months passed by, his phone calls stopped. Then when he finally rang me again he sounded so depressed. Then he told me he was getting married, but I couldn't make it down, I was in hospital at the time." She wiped her eyes. "I wanted to meet the woman he was marrying... he was happy for a while, but one night he called me again � I could tell something wasn't right... couldn't put my finger on it though."
"His marriage wasn't a happy one." June sighed, shaking her head angrily. "I tried to talk him out of it, but you're right, he's so stubborn, he wouldn't listen. I've been around people, all kinds of people for long enough to know when something isn't right... I had that instinct about Ma... her... but... he thought I was jealous, wanted him back... I should have tried harder, he'd still be here."
"That's one thing Jim and his father had in common, they were both as stubborn as mules... and would never admit to being wrong. I heard how happy he sounded when he was with you... it was never the same with her. He just didn't want to face up to it."
"He told you... what was happening?"
"No." Mary shook her head sadly. "I could tell from his voice that something was wrong. I pushed him to tell me but he wouldn't. He just stuck his head in the sand."
"That's Jim... was... I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop using the present tense." June laughed lightly to herself. "These past few days, I've been... I've had good moments and bad, I... but the funny thing is, whenever I feel really, really low, something happens to remind me of him... one of his favourite songs comes on the radio, or..."
"Well, you said he told you he'd never leave you. Maybe that's his way of telling you he'll always be around." She reached out, took June's hands in her own. "He'll always be with us... in our hearts."
"Yeah... look, I'll leave you to get dressed, the cars are coming at ten." June stood. "I can't say I'm looking forward to this, I hate cremations... and it's not even as if... not even as if I'm his widow... although..." She turned back to Mary. "I feel like I am."
"You're more of a widow than SHE ever deserved to be. Everyone knows how much you loved him."
"I don't think she ever loved him... though, I suppose, what she's done... she must have been feeling some remorse." June's body tensed.
"She took the coward's way out killing herself like that. She'll never be brought to justice now. I only wish I could have met her, told her what I thought of her. She never deserved such a loving man... she abused his kind soul. I hope she rots in hell."
"Me too... because I hate to think she's with him, now."
"She won't be. Jim was a good man - he'll be in heaven. She's where she deserves to be."
"He deserves some peace in death." June nodded. "Look, Andrew and Mark will be here soon, I'd better make myself presentable. I'm looking forward to meeting them... and their children."
"They want to meet you too June. We've all heard so much about you... it's so nice to finally see you in the flesh."
"Hope I'm not too much of a disappointment." June looked thoughtful for a moment. "Jim should have had children, you know. He really should... he could have had... with Marie..." She sagged. "That was something I could never give him, but in the end, he wanted to be with me... that must say something."
"You could never be a disappointment June. Don't ever think like that. Jim loved you for who you were... I suppose one good thing came out his marriage... his relationship with Ben... he loved that child to pieces. I really want to meet him."
"He's a great kid. He's dealing with all this so well... he's so strong. He really loved Jim, and after all the abuse that Marie dealt to him, he..." June looked up suddenly as the doorbell rang. "So much for making myself look presentable..." She ran to the window. "Blue BMW... Mark the stock broker?"
"Yep, that's my eldest boy. He doted on Jim when they were kids. He almost had two fathers." Mary laughed.
"I'll leave you to it." June sucked in a breath as she made her way slowly down the stairs. She cracked open the door, a black-suited man stood there, for the moment he was looking away from her, calling to a shy looking red-haired girl who was hiding behind the gate. As he realised the door had opened, he turned to her. "You must be June... I'm Mark." He held out his hand for her to shake, his smile turning to an expression of concern as June's own smile faded.
"Sorry..." June shook her head. "I can't believe how much like Jim you are. Gave me a fright for a second... do come in..." She stepped aside.
"Thanks. Amy... come on!" The girl ran towards the house and attached herself to her father's leg. "This is Amy - she's seven... and a half. I'm afraid Jane, my wife, couldn't make it, work commitments. She's coming to the memorial though - she'll make sure she's there." As June continued to stare at him, he continued: "Are you sure you're OK?"
"Yeah... I was just talking to your mum about how Jim should have had children... seeing Amy... I can't help wonder what his kids would have looked like."
"Red hair and freckles no doubt. Andrew called me just now, he's on the way, but running late - just like Jim in that respect, we always said he'd be late for his own..." Mark stopped. "Sorry... I..." He swallowed. "Still can't believe this has happened."
"Me neither... it's not sunk in." June shook her head. "I keep expecting him to turn up on the doorstep... and when I answered the door to you, you can imagine what I thought... Your mum's just getting ready, she'll be down soon. Can I get you anything?"
"A coffee would be great - lead me to the kitchen and I'll make it." June led the way. "I... wish Jim and I had spoken more these last few years. I always sided with my dad on things, it was easier, he was such an authoritarian. Used to put us down... hit us... it was just easier to be on side. Now I feel like I failed Jim, he was the baby of the family. So sensitive..."
"He was the most sensitive man I knew. He didn't blame you for anything Mark... And I know from personal experience what it's like to have an authoritarian father..." She reached into the cupboard retrieving two mugs. "Would you like anything to drink Amy?"
"Please." Amy pointed towards a carton of orange juice. They shared an awkward silence as the kettle boiled, then looked up as a car screeched to a sudden halt outside. "Andrew. His kids are meeting us at the crematorium, with his wife... his children are teenagers, nice kids, didn't want to intrude."
"It wouldn't be an intrusion. There you go Amy." June bent down handing her a drink. "I'll just go and let him in."
"Watch it, he's a lunatic." Mark called. "Always kidding around, got a deranged sense of humour... stuff like this hits him hard though."
"It hits all of us hard... Especially you guys, you never expect your little brother to get murdered." She headed through the house, opening the front door. "You must be Andrew, I'm June..."
"Hi, June... good to meet you." He looked up at her with sad grey eyes. "I'm sorry. You must be devastated."
"I'm getting through it." She forced a smiled, noticing how Andrew shared Jim's soulful eyes. "Wish we could have met under more pleasant circumstances. Your brother's in the kitchen with Amy."
"Thanks. You know... in some ways I reckon you knew Jim better than we did. He always kept stuff in... he didn't have a happy childhood, although we tried..." He looked up as Mark stood in the kitchen doorway. "Mark...." Andrew broke down, walking towards his older brother, who engulfed him in a hug, tears running down his own face. June suddenly felt awkward, like an outsider, and began to move away.
June headed up the stairs into her bedroom. Sitting down heavily on the bed, tears cursing down her face. She picked up Toto from where he was curled up on the bed. "I thought I could do this..." She muttered. "I really thought I could... while I've been organising this, and the memorial - Frank and Taffy are coming, and Mike Dashwood, they're going to be there Jim, they wanted to be here today - but now... Jim, I feel like an outsider, I... when it comes down to it I'm only your friend... we weren't lovers, or partners� they're your family... I don't even know them - who am I to intrude on their grief?"
"You knew him better than any of us June... you have every right to be here." June looked up as Mary opened the door gently. "You grieving as much as us... if not more. He loved you June, that counts for everything, and you were with him when it happened. You made him happy. Look at the family life he had with us, it's only been these last few years we could call each other something resembling 'family'."
"But it's not the same... you knew him as a little boy, watched him grow up, loved him, cared for him... for so many years I pushed him away, and in the months before he died, I all but ignored him, my stupid pride..."
"You never stopped loving each other... you were his best friend for over twenty years... that's longer than he ever spent at home... surely you can see that that counts for something... I'm sure you had good reason for pushing him away - after the way he treated you I can't blame you. But you made up before he died. You became friends again..."
"I should never have given up on him in the first place, should never have gone away... I know you can't change all the what ifs, but... I feel to blame and I don't see how you can... like me, after what I've done."
"Oh June." Mary sat on the bed beside her and gathered her into her arms. "You made Jim happy, you were his best friend. You're almost family to me... You're not to blame for his death. It was Marie that killed him, not you."
"I know... thank you." June wiped at her face. "I guess you wondered what was going on, me talking to myself..."
"Not really... anyone who's lived with Jim for any amount of time ends up talking to themselves." Mary smiled. "He was so often in his own little world."
"That's true...." June shook her head and composed herself. "We'd better get ready... we've got a funeral to go to. Not everyone will be there, too short notice, but everyone from Sun Hill will. It's his old friends that will be at the memorial - I hope you're coming back for that... when we scatter his ashes... I hope you don't mind that we're scattering them in the river..."
"How could we mind... it sounds perfect. He loved the water - it's a simple as that. Of course we'll be there. To commit him to the ground would have been wrong. I'm looking forward to meeting his friends. If they're all like you I can see why he loved it here so much."
"He did. Thank you, Mary." Mary smiled and left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. June moved over to her bedside table, picked up a picture of her and Jim, lost in each other's eyes, smiling, a candid shot taken at Kerry and Luke's engagement party. "I'm gonna need you with me now, Jim. More than ever."
She felt a comforting warm breeze brush by her body, as she heard Jim's voice once more. "Of course I'm here... I promised didn't I?"
"You did...." Just as quickly as the sensation had arisen, it was gone. But the warmth remained inside her, soothing her as she moved to her wardrobe, and began to dress.
on to Part 8