Jim felt good, alive even; in fact he was finding it difficult to stop smiling. The morning was fresh and, warm and spring was in full bloom, he didn�t mind walking to work on a day like this. As tentative as he felt about dating Amy she was exactly what he needed � calm and patient and very much in it for the fun. True it might not be forever material, and nowhere as deep as the feelings he had for June, but he was pretty happy.
He swung round the corner into a CSU, dropping his coat over the back of his chair and exchanging mornings with Cathy, who seemed particularly friendly for some reason. June wasn�t in yet, which struck him as odd, considering the early mornings she�d been putting in lately. �So, how was last night � didn�t you have a date with your new girlfriend.� Brandon asked as he handed him a mug of coffee.
�She�s not really my girlfriend.� Jim grinned helplessly as he slipped into his chair.
�Oh come on, you�ve been smiling like an idiot for weeks.� Cathy teased perching on the edge of his desk.
�Come on, leave it alone.� He was starting to get uncomfortable with the attention, and for reason terrified June might appear at any moment and hear what they were staying, kind of like being caught by a parent doing something he knew was wrong.
�Well, we�ll get to meet her later. I assume you�re bringing her to Robbie�s party.�
He fiddled nervously with his pen. �Well I��
�Come on Jim, we have to meet her sometime.�
�Sure, sure I�ll bring her � seeing as I�m being pushed.� He smiled then looked up sharply as the door opened and June walked in, she looked tired, dreadfully tired.
�Morning.� She addressed it to them all, unmeaning, impersonal.
�Morning Sarge.� He whispered, turning on his computer.
�Sarge, Guess what Jim is�� Cathy started before he could hush her.
�Cathy, don�t � it isn�t important.�
�Jim�s what?� She asked looking up at them. �What � you�ve intrigued me now.� She smiled slightly.
�Well, it�s just that he�s�� Brandon started.
�I�m erm, well bringing Amy to the party tonight.� Why did he sound so ashamed saying it?
Her face had frozen. �Oh, oh well that�s good � I�d forgotten about the party.� She smiled weakly.
�You�re still coming though?� Cathy asked. �It will do you good.�
�I might, I hadn�t thought about it � a little busy probably. Excuse me, I gotta � gotta go see someone.� She mumbled, then almost fled from the room.
�Cathy!� Jim cursed throwing his pen down.
�Now I didn�t do that on purpose, I honestly forgot about you and � her. But still I don�t think that�s why she isn�t coming.�
�What do you mean?�
�Not really my place to say is it.�
* *
What the hell was she doing? Locking herself away in the toilets so she could have a good cry in private � and what for, some man who found it quite easy to get over her. Why should she care when he certainly didn�t � no, that wasn�t fair, he did care, it was her who forced him out. This was ridiculous, trying to find someone to blame, it had just happened, these things do and she would get over it. She had far too much to think about at the moment what with her family and trying to prove herself at work.
June dragged herself up from the cubicle floor and wiped her eyes furiously. It was just all getting too much at the moment, it happened every now and then and she just needed a few days on her own to get over it, have a good cry, eat ice-cream and generally feel sorry for herself for a while, soon things would be back on an even keel and she wouldn�t have to pretend so much. She heard the door swing open and giggling from outside and prayed the girls wouldn�t stay too long in the toilets. She took a mirror from her handbag and started to tidy up her face as she listened to them laughing and joking � about the things they�d done the night before, the guys they�d met and the ones they were still to meet. She remembered times like that, when you were young enough to believe in �the one�. That one day you would meet the perfect man and things would fall into place and eventually turn out right. But now, what chance did she have now, life had passed her by so quickly. She�d spent most of it working in the same place, the same job different faces. She tried not to think of Jim and the times they�d spent together. What was the point? The giggling chatter subsided and she heard the door click shut so she quietly crept out of the toilet, caching herself in the mirror as she emerged. Goodness, she needed to sleep � she looked awful, suppose the crying didn�t help. She took a deep breath and smoothed some concealer under her eyes before she returned back to the office.
* *
The day had passed by without event, so many hours spent staring at the computer screen had given Jim a headache so he was more than grateful when Tony called by and asked if he wanted a lift home. Only he�d not been ready to return to his damp flat so instead they�d gone for a cup of tea and something to eat together in the canteen. Jim stirred his tea slowly, over and over again, staring intently at the shapes created on the surface � never ending circles all merging into one.
�Jim � JIM!� Tony barked watching him. �Snap out of it mate what you doing?�
�Putting sugar in.�
Too many sugars are bad for you.�
�June used to say�� He looked up at Tony slowly. �Sorry.�
�You�re still in love with her aren�t you � I thought you were happy with Amy.�
�I am, she�s great, I feel great when I�m with her � then I see June and I think what if? I can�t help it, I�d never�� He leant across the table closer to Tony; afraid someone might hear their conversation. �I�d never felt like that before � like it wouldn�t end, there was no reason for it too cos whatever happened we�d work it out � obviously I was wrong but still.� He shrugged and sipped some of his tea, grimacing at the amount of sugar he�d stirred in, she�d stopped him having too much sugar in his tea and after a while he�d gotten used to the taste � now it seemed far too sickly for him. �And I�m worried about her.�
�Who?�
�June of course, she doesn�t look well.�
�Haven�t you heard?�
�Heard what? People keep saying these things and not explaining, Cathy was the same.�
�Well I thought she might have told you herself. Apparently her brother has been having an affair, his wife�s in a right state and June has been caught in the middle of it all. I think she�s having the kids to stay over this weekend.�
�What?�
�I know strange ey, she hasn�t said much though, just odds and ends about it. Seems pretty cut up.�
* *
June was halfway across the car park when Jim called her; she turned and watched him jog across to her.
�I, I just heard�� He was breathless from the running. �I just heard about Graham, I�m real sorry � how is he doing?�
She shrugged. �Ok I suppose, Louisa is beside herself though, and the kids�� She swallowed. �Well there finding it tough as you�d expect � in fact they�re coming up to stay with me, just for a long weekend. To give them some space.�
He smiled warmly. �That�s good of you.�
A thousand thoughts came to mind but she said none. �Well, we�ll see how it goes. Thanks for asking about him though.� She fiddled with the strap on her back and slowly moved back from him.
�June wait; you know if you need any help or to talk � anything, just, well I�m here.�
�I don�t think that would be a good idea Jim do you? � What would your girlfriend think?�
He looked at the floor, and she bit down firmly on her bottom lip � she shouldn�t have said that.
�I was only saying. Besides it�s not as if we�re engaged or anything. Just dating, just enjoying each other�s company.�
�Please, don�t do that to me.�
�What?�
�You know what, I don�t understand why you keep trying to bring this up with me. I�m happy for you, really I am, I�m glad you�ve found somebody else, and if you needed my blessing or something then there it is � but please don�t expect me to stand here and discuss your relationship with her, I can�t do that.� She turned away sharply and got into her car, closed her eyes for a second. Then took a deep breath and started up the car, as she pulled away she noticed Jim still stood in the same spot in the car park watching her leave.
* *
She didn�t attend the party, he didn�t expect her too. He spent the majority of the night sitting in a corner cradling an orange juice and observing the goings on around him. Phil Hunter drastically flirting with his date, the problem was he it didn�t occur to him to even mind, after all why should he? It was obvious to him right now that the few dates he�d shared with her meant pretty much nothing � sure they were fun and throwing himself headfirst into romance and passionate sex again was great for a while. But in the end it was only his attempt to gloss over the pain he still felt, the fact that whatever had happened between him and June eventually had to be sorted out. It wouldn�t go away, it couldn�t, and if he didn�t at least try to talk to her about their problems then what was the point?
He glanced over to the other side of the bed where Amy still slept; she looked so young and peaceful. But he could bet she would be suffering from one hell of a hangover when she got up. He got up and found some aspirin for her and a glass of water and placed them by the bed. He quickly showered and dressed and collected the few belongings that had accumulated at her apartment. Time to sort himself out � at last.