June had slipped back into her old routine pretty easily, work early in the morning until late at night, hardly any time to spend thinking about the fact she was alone. Hardly ever� just when she finally climbed into bed at night and was lying there going through the day. Or when she was making fresh coffee first thing on a Sunday morning and found herself taking two mugs out for a second and dwelling on it like some stupid teenage heartache moment. So ridiculous, to keep thinking on it like it would change, like she could erase the past few months and start again with him and not drag him through all that � if only she hadn�t. Too late for regrets though, time to move on, carry on with life, for as long as you had it.
By May, things were almost unrecognisable, the house was back to being hers, the garden was in need of care and attention � hardly any sign that Jim used to live there. In fact when it came to Jim she wasn�t sure she knew him at all anymore. It took him� what, all of two months to find a replacement for her. Sometimes she didn�t mind, it actually made her happy to think of him being happy, and she did tell him that he should go out and find somebody who could give him all the things he wanted � all the things she couldn�t. But then jealousy is a terrible thing, and every time he walked into CSU with a smile on his face she couldn�t help but feel sick at the thought of him being with someone other than her.
�Morning Sarge, here early again I see.� Why did Cathy always carry that superiority air off with such ease?
June slid of her glasses and smiled slowly. �Good morning, surprised to see you here.�
�Wanted to get a head start, Friday and all, hoping to get finished dead on.�
�Going out?�
�I am, away for the weekend in fact.�
�Very nice. Enjoy it.� She turned back to her computer.
�I�m sure I will, going for coffee.� She flounced out of the office again and June shook her head, she�d never change � selfish to the end. But she had been rather reserved about her and Jim breaking up, hardly even mentioned it. She was glad; it was awkward enough in there without Cathy making cruel jibes all day long. Though she suspected Jim had something to do with that. Too decent for his own good that man, after all she didn�t deserve it, his kindness or discretion. He still spoke to her as if nothing had happened, took him awhile of course, but after a few weeks he was right back there � the one she could turn to when she needed something doing properly, ready to show her she could still rely on him. It didn�t help matters though in the long run, if he�d been a complete ass and treated her horribly and made her feel like nothing then it would have been easier to forget him. But he didn�t and he wasn�t easy to forget and she longed to have him back�� just every now and then anyhow.
* *
June chewed on her lip as she waited for her taxi, her car was in for a service and for the past few days she had been reliant upon public transport. It wasn�t too bad except when the evenings were cold like this. She leant back against the wall and checked her watch again, two minutes since she last looked. Her lip was becoming painful but she chewed on it anyhow, for a second she was blinded by the light from a car pulling up in front of her. She squinted as the door opened; then the engine was turned off and she could see properly again.
�I won�t be a sec, I think I know where I left it.�
Jim�s voice, unmistakable.
And the woman in the car with him, so that must be her, the replacement as she now called her.
�Oh, hi Sarge, you ok?�
She nodded politely. �Fine, just waiting for a taxi.�
�Your car broke down?�
�No, just in for a service.�
�Ah I see�� he hesitated for a moment too long, searching for something else to say. She couldn�t help but wish he would just go inside then she wouldn�t have to maintain the smile she was holding in place.
�We can give you a lift, if you like.�
We! God damn we!! �No, that�s ok, I ordered it ages ago � should be here soon.�
�Oh I see.�
�What are you doing here anyhow, it�s late?�
�Forgot my phone.� He smiled sweetly, self-consciously.
Typical Jim. �Ah, I see.�
�Better get going I suppose.�
�Ok night.�
�Night Sarge� He opened the entrance door. �By the way, your lip�s bleeding.�
She placed a finger there and wiped away the blood. �Well don�t you just look stupid now?� She cursed to herself as she searched in her bag for a tissue. Another light lit up the car park and she stood up from the wall, confident it must be for her, the taxi parked along side the car Jim had emerged from. She climbed into the back of the taxi and as it started to pull away she cast a quick glance over at the driver of the other car, long hair was all she could make out. She�d heard she was pretty though, apparently a friend of a friend who he�d been set up with. Tony assured her she was a �lovely girl,� which she didn�t actually relish hearing but if she was feeling reasonably ok she could allow him a little happiness. He did deserve it.
When she finally got in, after suffering in traffic for almost an hour, there were at least six messages on her machine. She poured herself a Whisky and sat on the sofa rubbing her feet whilst listening to her messages, Toto complained by her ankles for food.
�June, it�s Louisa, please you must call me,� A sob escaped her and now June sat up straight to listen. �Something awful has happened and I �I need you, please call me as soon as you can.�
* *
By early Saturday morning June found herself back at her brother�s house, she hadn�t been since Christmas and staying in the room she shared with Jim was a little to clumsy for comfort. However she hadn�t slept all night, just packed and drove. When she got there around two in the morning Louisa was up and waiting for her. Now as she lay in the cold bed, starched sheets and unfamiliar pillows, she went through the conversation they�d had again. Graham had been having an affair, for quite a while it would seem, and she had just found out. Her dear brother had done this to his wife and family � she couldn�t understand that, he always seemed so devoted. Her jibes about the perfect family suddenly didn�t seem so funny anymore. She twisted over in the bed and looked towards the large window, light was just beginning to creep through the gap in the curtains. She knew Louisa hadn�t slept at all, she�d heard her moving about the house. The boys were blissfully unaware � well they knew Daddy wasn�t at home at the moment that was it. The thing that intrigued her most was why she had been called for help, after all she�d never been particularly close to Louisa. At least June didn�t think they were, but now, this tough independent woman sobbing on her shoulder for hours, well it kind of altered her perspective a little. By lunchtime she had made a decision, it wasn�t strictly her problem or responsibility - but for some strange reason she felt guilty for her little brother�s indiscretions.
* *
June met her brother for Sunday lunch, she didn�t particularly want to but it seemed that at the moment she had little choice over what went on in her life, and besides it was for the good of all of them she had decided. The pub he met her at was small, old fashioned, a large fire warming the room and low beams to catch your head on � it almost made her wish she had joined him in moving out of the city all those years ago. Whatever she was expecting from Graham it wasn�t what she saw stumbling through the room and sitting across from her, without so much as a hello or even recognition she was there.
�Graham � you look terrible. Where have you been staying, have you slept at all?�
�Hardly in days, I�m staying here, renting a little room.�
Despite her anger at him she found her hand reaching across the table to squeeze his. �So I guess this is regret?�
�Regret, guilt, realisation I�m a middle aged man who�s fucked up his entire life in one single swoop.�
She was tempted to hush him as other couples glanced over at them. �Listen to me, I need to know why? I mean that�s the only thing Lou keeps asking, why.�
�I don�t even know myself, I didn�t know she would call you, thanks for coming.�
�I could hardly say no, the state you two are in.� She sighed, let go of his hand and leant back in her chair as the waitress approached. June ordered for them quickly and fingered the cutlery on the table in front of her. �I don�t know, yesterday I was in dreary London feeling sorry for myself, today I�m here feeling sorry for the both of you, funny how life can change just like that.�
Graham had straightened up now, was leaning back in his chair watching her. �I�m sorry, you shouldn�t be dragged through all my mess.�
�I don�t mind, not really.�
�You always were the sensible one in the family, the only one Dad would allow to look after him.�
She smiled. �Not so sensible�� She looked at him. �Jim and I broke up.�
�What � when?�
�A good few months ago now, well he left me, I gave him no choice really.�
�Why?�
�I just told you, I gave him no choice, I was being� well typical me.�
�I mean, why didn�t you give him a choice, you two seemed so good together.�
�And so did you and Louisa yet you go off and sleep with somebody else � you�re married Graham, I thought you believed in all that.�
�I do.�
�Then perhaps it should be me asking you the tough questions.�
�I love her June � and I love the boys, and if I lose her I�m not sure what I�ll do.�
His words were so heartfelt she felt a swell appear in her throat and she had to swallow a few times before she could respond. �I think that given time the two of you will be able to work through this, because despite all you�ve done to her, the hell you�re putting her through now, the point is that there is still love there I think. And your children, that�s what is important in all this. So,�
�So what?�
�So, as I said in time things will work out, for the moment she needs space, but if you keep reminding her you are here waiting. Then when she�s ready to talk you be there � and please don�t mess this one up. I know I�m not the expert on relationships, far from it, but trust me on this - she just needs time.�
�And yet you couldn�t make it work with Jim.�
She looked up at him sharply. �That�s something else entirely, we weren�t married and we would never have had children � the problem in fact.�
�But I thought he�d accepted that, at least he told me he had.�
�Don�t talk about it now Graham, let�s just concentrate on you. Now tell me, whilst I�m feeling generous, what clothes and things you�d like bringing. I�ll have to do it this afternoon cos I�m driving back tonight.�
�Will you come back?�
�Yes as soon as I can.�
�Next weekend? I like you being here, some kind of support.�
�You don�t deserve it.�
�I know, but I still need you.�
�I don�t think you�ve ever said anything nicer to me.� She smiled and sipped her water. �Yes, I�ll come back next weekend, if that�s what it takes. Being awfully fair with you I feel.�
�I do too, thank you, you have no idea what it means to me.�
�I think I do, try and get some rest this afternoon, things will work out.�
�Wish I was as confident.�
She shrugged. �Life goes on, in a fashion.�