Jim felt strangely like a display apparatus, as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair, the warnings of what a single middle-aged man could look like. Sitting alone for lunch wasn�t something he�d done for a while, in fact it had been a some time since he�d actually visited the canteen for lunch, usually stayed up in CSU and grabbed a sandwich and chatted away to June� but at the moment he felt more comfortable having everybody whisper about him as he ate rather than deal with the frozen look that had gradually increased in June�s gaze towards him. If he looked long enough at her while she spoke he could see right through the bravado to the emptiness inside. But perhaps that was how she preferred it, she certainly had made it very clear to him over Christmas that his being there didn�t make a difference, didn�t matter. In fact the harder he tried to make things work; get closer to her, the worse she became, pushing him away, erecting those boundaries once again. So maybe being alone was what life had planned out for her, maybe for him too � but he certainly didn�t want that and he didn�t intend to spend the rest of his life dwelling on what could have been � because when he did it hurt like hell.
�Well can I sit down?�
Jim smiled up at Tony relieved to have some company. �Sure take a seat.�
�So how ya doing?�
�Ok I guess.�
�You look rough.�
�Gee thanks, at least I can rely on you for moral support.�
�As always, listen it�s been almost two months now.�
�And?�
�Well, she�s doing not doing too well either you know.�
�Don�t, June and I aren�t meant to be, simple as that. We only ended up messing each other up, worst Christmas of my life � and that�s saying something cos I�ve had a few bad ones.�
Tony laughed. �Well ok then, how about you get yourself out, stop skulking around here.�
�I am not.�
�Yes you are, you want to get out and have some fun. Listen I have a date next week.�
�You have a date?�
�Don�t start � anyway I�m sure we could make it a double date.�
�Don�t even try it.�
�Why not?�
�Because I�m only just out of one relationship and you want me to jump head first into another.�
�I didn�t say �relationship� did I? I said a date, a laugh; go out for a nice meal, good company for a few hours. Better than sitting in that dank flat thinking on it all. I thought you told me you were over it and ready to move on.�
�I am, but just, I�d feel bad, doing that to her.�
�She doesn�t have to know. Just between the two of us.�
�I gotta get going.� Jim wearily got up.
�You lost some weight?� Tony asked tucking into his lunch.
�Don�t know, why?�
�You look like you have � love of a good woman and all that.� Tony smirked.
�Alright no need to tease � she can�t cook anyhow.�
�Who?�
�June.�
�Well it doesn�t matter now, cos you�ve �moved� on.� He was teasing him now but Jim didn�t really mind. �Haven�t you?�
�Alright, I�ll go with you, arm twisted.� He actually smiled as he walked away.
* *
Amy was beautiful, one of those women who effortlessly was, taller than Jim, long dark hair and startling blue eyes. In fact when she walked into the restaurant with Tony and Lisa he thought they were setting him up for a fall. But she smiled and held out her hand for him to shake, then leant down and kissed his cheek. He glanced over at Tony, suspect that perhaps he�d paid her to deliver that, but no, it was genuine � and Tony never found nice women!
Dinner had almost taken second place to the importance of the conversation Jim found himself involved in.
�Well, what do you think?�
Jim leant back in his chair, grinning broadly. �I have to admit it, you got it right this time. Lisa is lovely.�
�Oh I know that � I meant Amy, you seem to be getting on well.�
Jim nodded his head. �Yeah, yeah she seems nice.�
�Nice?�
�Ok, more than nice, she�s a great girl, pretty and intelligent with it. How come you couldn�t introduce me to her a couple of years ago then I wouldn�t be in this mess now.�
Tony shrugged. �Way it goes I suppose. Besides it doesn�t have to be a mess, if you like her then ask her out again if you don�t then just leave it be. But you and June are over, you said so yourself, why not live in the now for a change and stop thinking �well one day I might get married and have kids.��
Jim couldn�t help but flinch at the mention of being a Father.
�If you�re that bothered about it then tell June what�s happening, then she�ll have no need to get upset about hearing it from someone else.�
�It�s not just that��
�You still hoping you and her might get back together?�
�No, I told you no, definitely not. We don�t work like that, I suppose I�m worried this poor girl might think I�m using her as a substitute and not serious.�
�Let her be the judge of that � enjoy it mate, you deserve to.�
Tony swallowed the last of his brandy and Jim took another sip of his coffee, perhaps Tony was right, life was to short to keep tripping himself up on what could have been. Besides every time this girl touched his arm or his hand the dull ache inside seemed to ebb away little by little. Life goes on, in a fashion.