The clock turns over to 07:00. I've been watching it for a while now, still, I don't have to get up for another hour, got a late start today you see. Not that I want to get out of bed. For the first time in as long as I can remember I'm not alone. He's here with me, his arms tightly wrapped around me, his body soft and warm against my naked flesh. He's sleeping now; I can feel his steady breath brushing against the skin at the nape of my neck. Me? I'm wide-awake. He is the last person I ever expected to find myself in bed with� my best friend, and now� I guess my lover.
***
Things changed last night. We went out for a drink as friends, no more � no less. But something changed. I can pinpoint the exact moment; I don't think I'll ever forget it. He walked me home from the pub, I told him I could look after myself but he insisted. Said he would never forgive himself if something happened to me. That's how it all started. We walked along in close proximity, the silence between us unbearable, and the tension�
Then we reached my house and said goodnight. That was the moment. I looked into his eyes as I bid him farewell, those huge grey eyes that I know so well. The ones that lead straight to his soul and can show his every emotion � his hurt, his joy, his pain� And last night I saw for the first time his love, his love for me. He was not joking when he told me he loved me all those weeks ago. Not that I ever thought he was, not deep down. I was afraid, afraid of my own feelings for him, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of hurting him� But last night, when I kissed him on the cheek, smelling his oh so familiar scent, the one I have breathed in almost everyday for the last twenty years, something told me to go for it. It was when he turned to leave, something clicked inside me and I knew it was the right moment. It had to be then� It was all over in a split second, I followed him, took his hand and led him towards my front door.
I remember pausing briefly, turning to face him. His eyes told me exactly how he was feeling � they twinkled at me in the moonlight � and he smiled � his entire face lighting up. That was the reassurance I needed. The extra boost as I opened the door and led him in.
As I closed the door behind me I could sense him there, standing so close, I could hear him breathing. For a moment I was unsure but I as I unzipped my jacket, I felt him step closer. My jacket slid down my arms and was cast to the floor, forgotten. I felt his hands on my hips, a welcome warmth against the cold night as he slid them gently under the hem of my top onto my stomach. I could feel his heart beating against me. I turned to face him and he kissed me. It wasn't our first kiss but it was so special� so meaningful� Even then we both knew we had crossed the line � we could never go back to how we were.
Silly things stick in my head, like the thunk of his keys as his jacket hit the floor; the clatter of my heels against the skirting board as we moved as one; the way my blood was pounding through my veins. Time seemed to stand still as we kissed urgently, our hands roaming over and under material, previously forbidden in our guise as friends.
It was me that made the next move, pushing out relationship up into another gear. So quickly� guess we had a lot of time to make up for � twenty years if you count back to when I first saw him. That cute strawberry-haired probationer had made my heart skip a beat back then, and even now, all these years later, the blonde man standing before me, ravaged by the hand life had dealt him, could still make me feel like a teenager in love for the first time.
I took his hand once more, feeling braver by the minute as I led him up the stairs and into my bedroom. I noticed how he glanced around, taking everything in before pulling me into him and kissing me once more. I unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his soft skin to the lamplight illuminating the room. He lifted my top over my head and I stood there in my bra� I expected to feel embarrassed at my nakedness, as I had with every other man the first time, but this was different� it felt so natural, so right� I couldn't help but wonder why I had pushed him away for so long.
We fell onto the bed as one; kissing, touching and caressing, our bodies intertwined. He seemed to know instinctively just what to do to make me scream out for more. The rest of out clothes seemed to fly off and we made love for the first time� this wasn�t just sex, there was more to it than that. It was tender, loving, wondrous� one of the most amazing experiences of my life� I could probably go as far as to describe it as perfect� until we made love again� and again� each time more intense and passionate than the first. The bond between us was unbreakable and left us both screaming each other's names and crying out for more.
When we weren't making love we were wrapped in each other's arms. Being so close to him was enough to keep me sated. Before we fell asleep, he just stared at me, a lone finger tracing a line down my face, brushing my hair away as he leant forward and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, muttering those words that sent a shiver down my spine: "I love you June." Despite everything I couldn't say them back� I felt it, but it was too soon. As much as I adored, worshipped even, the man in my arms, I could not bring myself to utter the word love to him� too many bad memories from my past. I replied simply: "You are amazing Jim Carver." This was no lie. I will never forget what we shared last night� and this morning� it was the best of my life� I can't imagine how it could be beaten but I'm sure it will� this man is my rock and with him I can achieve anything.
***
I twist in his arms and turn to face him one more; he's still sleeping, a look of total peace and happiness on his face. I lean forward, brushing my lips against his cheek and he stirs briefly, turning onto his back and pulling me down with him. I nuzzle up against him, my head against his chest. The pounding of his heart against my head is so comforting. I reach out my arm, draping it across him. I never want this moment to end� but he's not going anywhere� not yet.
Back to Homepage Back to Stories