written when we found out June was to make a move on Tony and that they'd all end up locked in the cellar
***
Jim, June, Tony and Polly were out on a case looking for a group of illegal immigrants. As they entered the cellar of the house where they were last sighted the door swung shut and they found themselves trapped. The PRs aren't working so they are forced to sit and wait for someone to find them.. Tony and Polly are in one corner, June and Jim in another. The topic of conversation finally reaches relationships, in particular that of June and Tony.
"It makes me feel sick to think of you making love to him." Jim turned away.
June bowed her head. "I'm not� we haven't."
Jim looked up. "You haven't... but?"
"But nothing. We've gone out a few times� kissed, but�" June looked over to where Tony was talking to Polly. "It's nothing�" She rolled her eyes. "It's nothing."
"Right�" Jim looked at her deep in thought. "So, it was just a fling?"
"He was kind to me. I needed a friend." She looked at him meaningfully. "I'd just lost my best friend."
"I didn't mean to� want to lose you. It just happened..." He looked down again. "I never wanted to hurt you - you have to believe me."
"I know you didn't." June sighed, rubbing the palm of her hand against her forehead. "You're happy with Marie. I should be glad."
"Happy, yeah right�" He mumbled, still refusing to look at June.
"Well, you're getting married�" June laughed, a little awkwardly, looking upward to the ceiling.
"I am." He sighed loudly.
"You don't sound it." She turned to look at him. "What's wrong, Jim?"
He looked up. "It's something I should sort out myself. You know me - Jim Carver gets himself into undesirable situations all the time"
"Your engagement is an undesirable situation?" June looked confused.
"Well it's not like I imagined, put it that way."
"How did you imagine it?"
"I always though that when if I would get engaged I would be the happiest person alive." He shook his head. "But things never turn out as we expect do they?"
"No - they don't." June sighed harshly. "You told me you loved Marie. Then why aren't you happy?"
"I don't know � it's just not what I thought it would be."
"Maybe you've just got unrealistic expectations. Like I did the day I proposed to you." She twisted her body away from him.
"Well I screwed that one up didn't I? I was horrible to you June. I only hope you can forgive me." He shuffled round to look at her.
June looked up into his eyes and shook her head. "You were probably right. All we ever did was argue."
"Not all the time. Beside we had fun making up didn't we?" His eyes twinkled for a split second.
"Yeah." She smiled slightly. "I loved you, Jim. More than I'd ever loved anyone. But� I know, looking back, that you didn't feel the same way for me."
"I did June, believe me. I've never felt that way about anyone before� or since." He muttered. "And it scared me. I didn't know what to do."
"So you threw it all away. Why, Jim? Make me understand."
He sighed and rubbed his face. "How can I June? I really wish I could� but how can I make YOU understand when I don't understand why I did it myself." He looked at the floor and shook his head.
"Do you understand why you slept with Marie? Do you understand why you asked her to marry you?"
"I thought I loved her� but now I think I was just more afraid of the feelings I had for you. She was just in the right place at the right time. You were on your cruise and I was alone and confused�"
"I wasn't exactly having the time of my life either. It took me a week before I managed to come out of my cabin, before I felt I could face people, before I felt I could smile�"
"The postcard you sent said you was having the time of your life - I thought you'd forgotten me, or at least given up on me� and Marie, Marie was just... there."
"I'll never give up on you." June pulled her knees to her chest, placed her chin on them. "Because for some strange reason I still love you as much as I ever have done."
"I don't deserve you." He bit his lip. "I've never deserved you, not after the way I've treated you. I've always loved you, you know."
"I know." June nodded. "Jim, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. You're the sweetest, kindest most loving man I have ever met."
"June, you deserve the best - you always have done. And that's not me. I loved you so much I broke your heart."
"You did, I won't deny that. But it's breaking my heart more to look into the future and know you won't be here with me. To know that you might be stuck in a relationship you're not happy in. Jim, listen to me, you're a depressive, you don't need to be in a situation like that."
"Yeah but you're not the one to get me out of it. This is something I have to do myself, but I don't know how." He looked up at her, his grey eyes misting over. "I've got myself here, so I've got to get myself away."
"Are you� going to break it off?" June asked, trying not to let her feelings of hope show on her face.
"She's a nice woman June. She doesn't deserve to be led along like this. Why can't I ever do the right thing by women, I destroyed you and if I break it off with Marie I'll do the same to her."
"I thought you said you were going to get yourself away, Jim." June snapped, her hopes dashed.
"I have to� but it's not that easy."
"None of this is EASY!" June stood. "And I'll be damned if I'm going to sit by and watch you get into a situation that is ultimately going to destroy you!"
"I can't ask you to help me with this one June. I've got to do it myself. There's Ben to think of too remember."
"There's you to think of. You." June's chin trembled, then she shook her head. "You're pathetic, Jim Carver, do you know that? You really ARE pathetic. Is that it, is that what you want to hear?"
"Don't call me pathetic June." He stood up to face her. "I'm trying to put other people first for once."
"No - try putting yourself first for once! You left me because you were worried about hurting me, not because YOU were unhappy, because you made yourself believe you'd hurt me. Jim - you would NEVER hurt me, don't you see that?"
"I never mean to hurt anyone but I always do."
June shook her head. "The only person you're hurting is yourself. Jim, you need to think about things a little more, you always were impetuous�"
"I suppose�" He straight at her. "I always seem to get myself in these situations don't I?"
"You do� Jim, I have to ask you this, you said you always loved me, why did it take you eighteen years to tell me?"
"I was afraid�"
"Of what?" June stepped closer, placed a hand to his cheek.
"Afraid that you'd laugh at me, turn me down�"
"That's the last thing I would have done." Her eyes filled with tears. "Jim, being with you, was everything I've ever dreamed of."
"We were good together weren't we?" He sniffed. "'Til I screwed it all up by getting cold feet."
"I rushed it." June shook her head. "Jim, I want you back, it's that simple. We were made for each other, Jim. I love you."
"You didn't rush it. I rushed you into it. I love you more than anything June, pushing you away was the stupidest thing I ever did."
"It was. And if you marry Marie, that would be a close second."
He laughed. "You're right� as usual."
"So?" She moved closer into him, pressing her body gently against his. "Are you going to let Jim Carver be happy?"
"I can try can't I?" He slid his arm around her back. "If you'll forgive me for being a total prat and trust me not to ruin things again."
"You are a prat, but that's one of the things I love about you." She sighed. "I've missed you."
"You don't know how much I've missed you. Even your nagging and always being right." He looked up at her eyes twinkling.
"Nagging?" June laughed.
"Did I just say that� oops."
June laughed cupping his chin in her hand. "If you ever, ever feel sad, or scared again, just talk to me."
"I promise�"
"I love you. I know splitting with Marie won't be easy, but I'm sure she'll be OK. And Ben."
"Let's not go there til we have to. We're stuck here down for the foreseeable future remember." He looked over to Polly and Tony. "They seem to be getting on well."
"They do. Me and Tony - it was never going to go anywhere. He always knew� that I�"
"That you�?" Jim prompted, needing to hear those words again.
"That I love you. That I'm devoted to you, now and forever."
"I'm never going to hurt you again June - I promise."
"You'd better not." She squeezed him tightly.
"I won't." He hugged her back. "And if I do you can set Tony on me."
"I will, that's a promise." She buried her head in her chest, and laughed, her laughter turning into sobs as she let out the pent up emotion of the past few months.
"What have I done now?" He sighed, tilting her face up to his as he looked down at her.
"Nothing. I'm just so happy and so relieved."
"Phew. Thought I'd blown it already." He laughed as he kissed her forehead.
"You've turned me into a right soppy 'apeth." She laughed and stroked his cheek.
"Sorry." He said meekly. "But you've done the same to me madam."
"That's Sarge to you." June shook her head, laid her head back against his chest, and they stood, wrapped in each others arms, for a long time, absorbing the others closeness and looking into the future ahead.
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