A follow up to Girls' Night In � set after the events of episode 90
She watched him intently as he followed Sam out of the room. Her body was paralysed with shock and pain; tears pricking at her eyes and her heart pounding loudly in her ears. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, what he had just said to her. How could it all be over now, just as she was so happy?
She got up quickly and made for the ladies toilets, allowing the tears to roll freely down her face as she reached the sanctuary of the silent room.
***
Exiting the cubicle June made her way to the washbasins. Catching sight of her tearstained face in the mirror, she looked away quickly, watching as her tears hit the water in the sink and were washed away.
"June?" A gentle voice broke the silence and a hand came to rest gently on her shoulder. "June, what is it?"
She turned around slowly and looked up, her eyes meeting with those of her inspector, which were filled with warmth and concern.
"Talk to me June�" Gina said gently, her hand still resting on June's shoulder before she gathered her into her arms and rubbed her back softly as June rested her head on Gina's shoulder and broke down in tears. "Sshh�" Gina soothed.
"I feel so stupid�" June gulped. "Joanna's missing, Eva's distraught and I can only think of myself."
"June, what's happened? Is it something to do with� with Jim?"
"It's all over between us� he doesn't want me anymore� I don't know what to do�" she sobbed. "It's my own stupid fault for letting myself get involved."
"Oh June," Gina continued holding her sobbing colleague. "Don't blame yourself for this � you fell in love and God knows you can't change who you fall for. He made you happy June, anyone could see that�"
"But he was a colleague, and this is going to be so hard� seeing him everyday, working with him."
"So you fell in love with a colleague, no ones going to blame you. Yes, it'll be hard � believe me I've been there and still got the scars�"
"Ma'am?"
"That's a story for another day June� you and Jim have known each other too long for this to get in the way � you're both good officers and I'm sure you'll work things out. I'm not saying it will be easy mind you."
June lifted her head from Gina's shoulder and took a deep breath wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry ma'am, I just let things get on top of me. This Joanna thing is tough enough without my personal problems getting in the way."
"Don't apologise for being human, we all are June, even me. I'd probably be more worried if you weren't upset. And I'm here if you want to talk."
"Thanks ma'am�" June turned to the sink to wash her face.
"Take the rest of the day off June, your mind isn't going to be on the job is it? Take a few days off if you want to � you're owed enough leave, and contrary to popular belief this place will run without you�"
"But you're short staffed enough with the Joanna investigation�"
"June, be honest with yourself � you're no use to anyone in your current state are you?" She paused as June turned back to face her. "Auntie Gina's right isn't she?"
June mustered a small smile and nodded.
"That's better." Gina laughed. "Now get gone � when you get a chance, give me a quick ring to tell me how long you'll be gone so I can sort some cover out..." She slid her arm around June's shoulder as they left the toilets together.
***
Brrrrrrrrrring
The hall light came on and the door opened slowly. The brunette's eyes widened with surprise as she noted just who was on the doorstep and she smiled warmly.
"June?" The surprise was clear in the warm welcoming voice that greeted her on the cold night. Alison took in the dishevelled appearance of her best friend and a note of concern entered her voice. "What is it? What's wrong?"
June took a deep breath and let the tears fell freely from her eyes once more. Alison stepped out into the cold and threw her arms around her friend, holding her tightly. "June, you're freezing," she commented as June shivered and sobbed in her arms. "Come inside before you catch your death."
***
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," June muttered as she allowed Alison to lead her into the house and through to the living room. "I just didn't know what to do � I got in the car and drove and drove� wasn't really aware what I was doing 'til I got here."
"Hey, you've nothing to apologise for, you know you're welcome here anytime. I'm glad you came to be honest, I couldn't bear to think of you on your own in this state." Alison sat down beside June and took her hand in her own. "I'm just going to put the kettle on, we need to warm you up, and then you're going to tell me everything." She planted a light kiss on June's cheek. "And I'm going to do what I can to make things better."
"Well I don't know about that," June quipped. "But something to drink would be great � I have no idea how long I've been on the road, and I could really do with using your loo."
Alison smiled releasing June's hands. "There's a loo just off the hall � can't miss it. I'll be right back."
***
"Here drink this." Alison handed a steaming mug over to June, who was perched on the edge of the sofa looking tired and drained. "It'll make you feel better."
"Thanks� where is everyone tonight?"
"Mike's on a business trip, just for a change," Alison sighed. "Claire's at a sleepover and Hannah, she's out clubbing somewhere with her mates, dunno when she'll be back."
"So you're all alone then?"
"Well apart from Tigger," Alison gestured towards the cat curled up by the fireplace. Alison sat down beside June and looked at her. "I don't think I need to ask what the problem is, do I?"
June looked down at her mug, a lone tear cutting a line down her cheek.
"Jim?"
June took a gulp of her tea and nodded sadly at Alison. "Well work has been awful these last few days but yeah� Jim�" she trailed off.
"Feel up to talking?" Alison asked softly.
"I don't know." June sighed loudly. "I wouldn't know where to start. I've been to hell and back this last week or so... I just had to get away. I left the station got in the car and drove. If I see him�" She wiped the tears away fiercely with the back of her hand.
"Oh June," Alison put down her mug and slid her arm around June's shoulder pulling her sobbing friend into her. "He's broken your heart hasn't he?"
"I should never have given into to him to start with."
"Don't say that June, whatever has happened can't be your fault if you're in this state."
"I always said I'd never get involved with a colleague again after what happened with Gordon and what did I bloody do? I went through hell then and it's happening all over again. I'm so stupid. I'm going to have to see him everyday, work with him, be friendly with him� and right now I never want to see him again."
"He's hurt you June, I can see that, does he know you're here?"
"No one knows I'm here � I just took off. Gina found me in the toilets and told me to take some leave. I just need to let her know if� when I'll be back."
"You and Gina are friends now?"
"Well, things aren't as bad as they were, put it that way. She's been good to me today."
"The way things change in such a short time, eh?" Alison laughed wryly.
"Hmm, yeah." June untangled herself from her friend's arms and sat up. "Why the hell didn't you tell me I looked like death Ali? I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the loo and�" She shuddered.
"I don't think you would have appreciated that. You turning up on my doorstep in tears and me telling you that you look like death. That would have gone down well wouldn't it? You can see why I was worried about you though?"
"No wonder I got funny looks at that petrol station on the way up, good job it's still going dark early." She ran a hand through her hair. "I didn't even think of packing anything to bring up here, it wasn't exactly planned."
"We'll worry about that later, right now I'm still worried about you."
"Thanks Ali," June squeezed her friend's hand. "Thank God you were in."
"Me? Out? Like I get a chance."
"I don�t know what I would have done if I'd got here and the house was empty."
"Well I wasn't, and we're going to sort all this out� well at least try to."
"I don't know what I'd do without you, you know. I only told you the good stuff on the phone cos Jim was always around, but things started going wrong shortly after you were down last time�I thought we'd worked it out but how na�ve was I? As usual." She scoffed. "June Ackland, talk her into bed, make her fall in love with you, then chuck her. Story of my life."
"You're putting yourself down again." Alison warned.
"Well why not. It's true, I've lost count of how many times that's happened to me over the years."
"From what you told me you didn't give in to Jim 'til you were sure."
"Like that made any difference." She retorted cynically.
"I hate seeing you like this June, it upsets me so much. You shouldn�t keep putting yourself down like this."
"I'm sorry."
"And stop apologising too." Alison laughed.
"Sorry�erm," June threw her head back and ran her fingers through her hair. "Why do we let men do this to us eh?"
"Because we fall in love�"
"Yeah� too easily."
"June you never give your heart away easily and you shouldn't be ashamed of that." Alison said seriously. "You've been hurt in the past and because of that you only give your heart away when you're sure."
"Doesn't stop me getting hurt though."
"We all get hurt at times� God I'm married and you know that's not perfect."
"I love him so much though Ali. It hurts�" June sunk her head into her hands and her body shook as she cried.
"I know you do. We can't turn our feelings on and off like a tap. Would be damn useful if we could though." She put her hand onto June's shoulder.
"And I know he loves me� he told me so� ok he finished with me, but it�s because of what I did."
"Hey, don�t put all the blame on yourself � it takes two remember."
"Yeah but if I hadn't�"
"Hadn't what?" Alison questioned softly.
"I guess it all stems back to not long after you were down visiting. Jim was on an obbo in a pub with Cathy� and she's a vindictive bitch at the best of times. Anyway, things went pear shaped and Cathy said it was Jim's fault � he'd been drinking. I knew he wouldn�t but I still had to question him about it. He thought I didn't trust him any more. But I had to ask him, I had to� as his sergeant not his lover."
"Of course you had to."
"I mean I can see why he was hurt � but he didn't seem to be able to see my side of the story. He didn't come home that night � I was worried sick. The next day at the station he told me we should call it a day, as I wouldn't trust him or want to be with him if he was drinking. I had to work with him all day and I was at breaking point, at the end of the day I finally got him on his own � apologised to him, told him I loved him unconditionally, whether he was drinking or not, opened my heart to him. We talked things through and� and� I thought we were over it� but he never forgot that, I must have planted something in his mind that day." June sat up and looked at Alison. "If only I could turn the clock back. I really thought getting that out in the open had made us stronger. Stupid me � all I'd managed to do was plant the seeds of doubt in his head."
"Don't be like that June, things like that bottle up and get out of hand."
"Well getting it out in the open didn't help much did it?" She muttered. "It did seem to bring us closer for a while, Christmas and New Year were amazing. We were so close and spending all that time together. I loved it; I loved him more for that. After all these years on my own� It did us both so much good, it had been so long since both of us had such a happy Christmas, both of us were the type of people to volunteer to work over that period to let those with families get some time with them. But just for once, I had the reason to have a proper Christmas�" She stopped to wipe at her tears. "I'm sorry, I just can't stop crying � I remember the good times and I cry, then the same with the bad times."
"You're only human � and new wounds are always the most painful."
"You're right. As always. Anyway in the New Year Kerry and Luke got married and we went to the reception."
"The ones who had the engagement party?"
June nodded. "Yes that party. The girls on the relief set it up so I caught the bouquet. And I guess that got both of us thinking � we kinda skirted round the issue, never really talking about it but both hinting. That bloody bouquet�"
"To be honest I thought marriage might have been on the cards, the last time I saw you. You were very much the happy couple."
"We were, and again that's what hurts so much and in the end what caused all this."
"What do you mean?"
"June stuck her foot in it again." She sighed loudly. "Things were back on track. We were as happy as ever if not happier. Anyway, Gina was joking about the bouquet and us getting married. I told him I wasn�t adverse to the idea but he laughed it off, said marriage was a daft idea and that we were fine as we were."
"I can kinda understand that�"
"Yeah� I suppose. But then we met this clairvoyant on a case we were working� and she decided to read my palm, grabbed it, literally. You know me I'm not into any of that stuff � an old cynic. She told me that Jim loved me very much but there were no wedding bells ahead. It got me thinking, so I jumped in feet first and proposed to him didn't I?"
"And?"
"And I don�t think I've ever seen anyone look so shocked in their entire life. He didn't answer, avoided me for the rest of the shift, then when we tried to discuss it at home, he walked out. Left me standing there like a complete fool. 4am he came in," June voice raised with anger. "I was lying in bed worried sick � I didn't know where he was. Could have been dead for all I knew � then he slept on the sofa and that really hurt me. I was upstairs wondering what I had done that was so wrong and he wouldn't come near me. I didn't know how to feel� So he didn't want to marry me. He could have said that rather than running away. Then he turned up at work acting like a petulant school kid, and I had a go at him. Eventually he was ready to talk, and it all boiled down to me having accused him of drinking last year. To him being an alcoholic� I laid myself open to him, put my cards on the table so to speak and he told me he couldn't marry me cos he didn�t trust himself. That was the end of it, we'd split. No ifs and buts, just like that. In the bloody office of all places. We weren't even the only people in there at the time, it was full of our colleagues."
"Oh June," Alison hugged her friend. "You don't deserve that � I'd have thought he'd have jumped at the opportunity."
"So did I, he'd hinted at it often enough, that's partly what gave me the courage to ask him. I was so sure he'd say yet. That was a few days ago and we've barely spoken since � apart from at work, he's been sleeping on the sofa, in the spare room, being god knows where 'til I've gone to bed. He's looking for a flat of his own now. It's so hard being in the house with him. But so lonely without him there� He's been round at a colleague's house the last couple of days and nights � her daughter was abducted from the station's open day and Jim's their FLO."
"So he's not been avoiding you on purpose then?"
"Well I suppose not, it all came at a convenient time for him really I guess � the ideal chance for him to get out of the house without it looking like he was avoiding me. When he came to work this morning he looked so rough � I could see it was taking it out of him � bad enough when an 8-year-old is abducted but when she's a friend's daughter it's ten times worse. I tried to talk to him but he pushed me away. Anyway towards the end of the shift I get a phone call from one of our PCs � Jim's in the pub downing whiskey."
"Oh God�"
"I jump in the car with my heart in my mouth and hurtle down there to find him sat at the bar - he was pretty drunk by then. Making up for lost time as he put it� I knew being liaison officer was getting to him but I never thought he'd go back to the booze. When I looked into his eyes my heart broke, we may have split up but at that point I was taken back to when he was in the middle of his drink problem. I could have lost him back then and suddenly it hit me that if he started drinking I could lose him. He said it wasn't work making him drink but his problem, and he didn�t want me making it mine too. I couldn't bear to see him like that, it broke my heart� and I told him so there and then� told him how much I wanted him� he said if I couldn't see him like that we couldn't be together. I was really hurt that he turned to drink rather than to me, I thought we'd passed that stage." June paused as her voice cracked. "He got upset, thought he didn�t deserve me, told me he'd missed me and ended up on one knee proposing to me in front of the pub � I said yes of course. But then he ruined it all by having another drink to celebrate. I wanted to tell him off for it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, didn't want to rock the boat any further." She sniffed loudly and Alison squeezed her hand in support. "So I finally manage to get him home, he's too drunk to hold a conversation with and promptly fell asleep on the sofa. I sat there and watched him sleep for a while before I headed off up to bed." She leant forward, removing her shoes before pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her head on her knees, turning her head slightly to look at Alison before continuing. "He'd disappeared when I got up, thought he'd gone for a walk to clear his head, so I headed into work and he turned up shortly after. I told him I didn't care what had happened the previous night � that I still wanted him� still wanted to marry him� sorry�" June looked up and buried her head in her hands, her small frame shaking with sobs.
"Hey, hey," Alison grabbed her handbag and passed a wad of tissues over to June, "I don't know what's coming next but I don't think it's going to be pretty. But don't tell me if it's just going to upset you."
"I need to tell someone� I need someone to tell me that I'm not going mad, that it isn't my fault� that� that I've not doing something horrid to turn him away from me, something that I can't see."
"June you've known me long enough to know that I'm always here for you, always honest with you� and will do what I can to help you. Though my own love life isn't much of an indication of that."
June looked up; a slight smile on her tear stained face. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I just wish we didn't live quite so far apart."
"That's kinda a good thing right now� I mean I needed a bolthole, somewhere to get away to, away from London, away from him, away from Sun Hill to get my head straight. If I was at home right now, I'd be going mad, all his stuff's still there, his clutter, which I always hated so much, the damn place even smells of him."
Alison laughed. "Ok so living up here does have its good points then!"
June wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "Today was a disaster from start to finish. I could see Jim was rough but I put it down to a hangover and his caseload, I never once thought that it was because of me, guess I was too blinkered by my own happiness to notice. I wish I had seen it though, I might not have hit the ground with such a thump."
"If you didn't expect it June, you can't blame yourself for not seeing it."
"I suppose so," she sighed heavily. "He disappeared in the afternoon for a while, when he came back he looked so much better. Told me he'd been out. I asked him where he'd been. He said me he'd been to an AA meeting and that we needed to talk. I told him that I still felt the same way about him, even after his drinking last night. God it seems like so long ago. I told him I'd support him through it, be there for him. But� no� he said he couldn't trust himself anymore, and the way he feels about himself has changed." She sniffed as the tears rolled down her face one more. "He said he loved me� but� he� he can't marry me or be with me anymore. Doesn't want me as his emotional crutch apparently. We didn�t say anything after that, the DI came in and took him away something to do with the case he's working on. I was stunned, couldn't speak or move for a while. Felt like I'd been slapped across the face. Have this aching and hurt right here," she placed a bunched up hand in the centre of her chest, "and it won't go away. I really feel as though he's ripped my heart out and stamped on it. He looked so sincere and so hurt when he told me. I should have seen it coming though, he said those words, you know the ones: 'we need to talk', but I was so blinded by my own feelings I couldn�t see something was wrong. I set myself up for one hell of a fall."
"You're bound to be hurting June, there'd be something wrong if you wasn't. But after all you two have been through together and as friends, you didn't deserve to be treated like that � to do that to you at work was out of order. Relationships need to be worked at� talked about� not run away from at the first sign of a hiccup � trust me on that one � my personal case of hiccups has been going on for too long."
"It's happening again Ali," June wiped her eyes and hid her face in her hands. "You've got your own problems, and we're just talking about me again. Some friend I am�"
"You can stop talking like that right away." Alison leant over to June and removed her hands from her face, forcing June to look her in the eye. "You are the best friend I've ever had and to see you like this is hurting me too. You've been there for me when I've had problems, be it in person or over the phone, right now you're falling apart and I want to be here for you. I am here for you and I'm not letting you leave til you're in one piece. My problems have been going on for years and I've reached the stage now where talking about it doesn't do anything� it's time for me to actually do something and that's a decision that I have to make on my own. And when I make it you'll be the first to know, and I'll probably turn up on your doorstep in tears, so then you can return the favour. Ok?"
"You're right, again, like you always are. Especially about the part relationships being two sided. I always thought we were strong enough to work through things, talk things through, and not run away when things got tough. I know we weren't together long but I thought those twenty years of friendship counted for something. Thought it was a good base for a relationship but obviously not�"
"Don't put yourself down, I've seen relationships work and fail from all different angles. I don�t know what that special something is that you need to have to succeed but I thought you two had it. I would have put money on it�"
"Good job you didn�t really," June said cynically.
"Well you know I've never been any good at gambling." Alison smiled.
"That's very true actually." June smiled.
"Yes it is, and it made you smile so it's even better."
"You sound like Gina."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"Erm� well, she's not as bad as she used to be, put it that way, and she's been good to me today�. Oh God, she was dropping hints about us getting married not long ago, I told her she'd be the first to know, well I guess she was, well the first to know that it's all over. What if it's all over the station now? Bet they're all laughing at me right now. This is awful, I never should have got involved with a colleague, always said I wouldn't so why the hell did I let myself."
"Is she really the sort of person to gossip? And if she's seen you like this she's not likely to gloat or tell anyone is she." Alison looked warmly at June. "Your colleagues are also your friends remember. And friends won't find this funny, believe me. I'm sure they'll support you; in fact I know they will. You've got a lot of good friends at Sun Hill June, remember that."
"But I've probably just lost the closest friend I had there�"
"It's going to be hard for you June � I'm not going to pretend it isn't. 'Especially as you're in the same office day in day out and working alongside each other. But both of you are going to have to work hard to see this through, don't let this ruin your job. You're both police officers at the end of the day, you managed to work side by side when you were together without your relationship interfering, and when you weren't on the best of terms when you were stop yourself falling for him� I know it's not quite the same thing but I'm sure you'll be able to do it again."
"It's going to be awful Ali, right now all I need to do is think about him and I fall apart, seeing him is going to be something else and he's still kinda living at my place. I really don�t want to go back 'til he's out of there." She looked despairingly at Alison.
"And you don't have to June."
"But on the other hand it's my place at the end of the day, and I don�t want to be pushed out of it. I'm so angry about the way he's treated me� well when I'm not sobbing."
"It's all totally normal behaviour June. Don't be down on yourself for reacting like a normal human being. You are human after all, no matter what you think."
June cringed. "That sounds like another Gina-ism."
"I think I have to meet this woman," Alison laughed. "I get the feeling we all might get on."
"Don't go there Ali please, I can almost picture that scene and it's too scary to think about right now."
"Well I'll be down to see you again soon enough so watch this space."
June groaned. "I'll hold you to that. You know what Ali? I think I'm all cried out right now. Never thought I'd say that after the day I've had."
"Can I be honest with you without you hitting me?" She paused, waiting for June's approval. "You look absolutely worn out. When was the last time you slept?"
"Properly?" June sighed. "I don't honestly know, it's been a good few days � I just can't seem to switch off right now � there's too much going on, both with work and with Jim. And today seems to have lasted for about a week. I've been O-deeing on caffeine, which really doesn't help. My nerves are shot, look at me." She held her hand out in front of her and shook her head as it quivered. "What has he done to me eh Ali? I'm a wreck. You know me; I don't let men get to me like this. You'd have thought I'd have learned by now."
"We never stop learning June, and we never stop hurting� you should remember that."
"I know, and I should be big enough to look after myself. I'm getting soft in my old age Ali. A few years ago I'd just have dusted myself off and got on with life� but I thought I'd found the one, I don't want to be on my own anymore�" Tears filled her eyes once more. "And I don�t want to cry over him anymore." June thumped the sofa arm in desperation.
"June you can't forget about him just like that. He's a part of your life, whether you want him to be or not. And he's going to be suffering too. Now take a deep breath and relax, this isn't doing you any good."
"I suppose, so� it doesn't stop me being mad at him though."
"And it shouldn't," Alison interrupted. "It's natural to be mad at him, and upset� but there must have been something that triggered this whole thing off. I mean from what you told me he didn't want to break up with you but felt like he had to. Something about not trusting himself?"
June exhaled loudly. "I guess I should think of him, I know that something isn't right at the moment, and I want to be there for him, to help him with it, help him work through it. But he won't let me, says he has to deal with it himself� but it's so hard to just stand by and watch him when he's like this� I'm scared Ali, scared that if he starts drinking again I'll lose him for good. He's nearly drank himself to death before, and it was heartbreaking enough seeing that as a friend � if he does it again, with me feeling like this about him� I still love him Ali, and I don't know what I'll do, whether I can bear to see him go through it� I know it sounds selfish� but it would break my heart more to watch him go through this on his own than to go through it with him, however painful that would be."
"I think you two really need to sit down and talk about things."
"That's probably true, and eventually I know� I hope Jim will be ready to talk, but right now he won't do that. Thinking back, I get the idea that he wanted to say more when the DI interrupted us and he was called away. I just want to know if I've done something, if there's a reason why he doesn't want me to help him through whatever problems he has, Whether this problem is me, whether�"
"June you're questioning too much, right now you're not in any position to see things clearly. Things are still too raw for you to take an objective view. Bear that in mind."
"Yeah I know Ali, I'm still so mad at him for hurting me, mad at myself for getting involved and letting myself get hurt. I can say one thing for sure, the way I feel right now, I'm not going to let myself get in this position again." She paused as Tigger jumped up on the sofa arm and nudged her arm with her face. "Hello beautiful," she cooed, placing her legs flat on the floor as the cat moved over and curled up in her lap. June stroked her absently as Tigger purred loudly.
"Even if Jim comes crawling back?" She looked at Tigger. "I think you've made a friend for life there June."
"I have." June laughed cynically. "Ok so you got me there. I don�t know what I'd do if he turned up on your doorstep right now and wanted me back, I let him have me back last night and look what happened. I don�t know if I can take that risk again. Well not so soon anyway."
"For you to take him back, he'd really have to prove himself, I've seen you in situations like this before remember." Alison paused and yawned. "Fancy another hot drink by the way?"
"What time is it anyway?" June rubbed her eyes and squinted at the clock. "2:00am! How'd it get so late?"
"Well it was rather late when you turned up � and no don't apologise for that, you know me and early nights � we don't mix."
"That's true." June smiled. "I wouldn't mind something like a cup of hot milk, something that'll help me relax and get some sleep."
"Coming up ma'am." Alison smiled and headed off to the kitchen, leaving June in the company of Tigger.
***
"June?" Alison returned from the kitchen, two steaming mugs in her hands. "One hot milk as ordered." Kicking the door shut with her foot, she turned to look at her friend. "June?" she questioned. "June?"
June jumped suddenly. "Hmm, what? What happened?"
"You fell asleep. Think it's time we sent you to bed. There's nothing else for today that can't wait for tomorrow."
"I guess you're right." She took the mug from Alison and sipped gingerly. "Cheers."
"Come on, there's a bed in the study upstairs, just need to check it's habitable, the kids and Mike tend to use that room more than I do. Then we'll need to find you something to sleep in."
"I don't know what I'd do without you." June stood up and gripped her friend�s forearm. "Really I don�t."
Alison grinned. "Gee my head is growing with all these compliments. I'd never swap you though June." She patted her friend on the back with her free arm. "Come on then, let's get some sleep." She followed June out of the room and up the stairs.
***
"My word whoever was last in here actually tidied up." Alison remarked upon turning on the light. "You can see the bed for once. Maybe my kids are psychic."
"I doubt that very much June smiled. "Their mum probably had a go at them for leaving the place a mess."
"That too." Alison laughed. "I'll just grab you something to sleep in."
June watched as Alison left the room, before placing her mug on the sitting down on the bed, deep in thought. She was interrupted by a gentle thud of something landing on the bed beside her. She looked up to see Alison in the doorway.
"Best I could manage," she smiled gesturing at the nightshirt on the bed beside June. "Well for something that wouldn't fall off you. We're not exactly the same shape are we?"
"No some people are really lucky," June pouted. "I've always been jealous of your figure and your curves."
"Really?"
"Yeah," June nodded sadly. "I just never admitted it before."
"It's not all it's cracked up to be you know June, I only have to look at a cake for it to jump on my hips. Curves I might have, but I'd much rather be like you, able to eat anything without piling on the pounds."
"Guess we're even then."
"Yeah we are. Anything else you need for tonight?"
"Don't think so�" June picked up her handbag and rooted through. "Well, some painkillers would be good if you've got any � my head's banging. Usually have some in here but I can't seem to find any."
"In the bathroom cabinet� Anyway, I'll leave you to try to get some rest. Night night."
"Night� Ali? Thanks again."
"Stop thanking me June. I'll leave you 'til you wake tomorrow � you look like you need it."
"Thanks."
"And I'm only next door if you need me, any noise in the night or tomorrow and it'll be one of the resident waifs and strays returning home. I'll make sure they give you some space til you're ready to face them."
June looked up and smiled as Ali left the room pulling the door shut behind her.
Standing up, she slowly removed her clothes, neatly folding them and placing them on the chair by the desk before throwing the cotton nightshirt over her head. She smiled as she saw how the cotton drowned her slight frame.
She padded silently to the bathroom, washing her face and removing two paracetamol from the cupboard over the sink. She headed silently back to the study, picking up her mug and swallowing the paracetamol before climbing between the crisp sheets. Downing the rest of her drink, she placed the cup on the floor beside the bed and slid down under the duvet, sinking her head into the plump pillow before closing her eyes as the waves of tiredness wafted over her again and she quickly fell into a fitful sleep.
***
The room was warm, filled with bright winter sunshine when June finally opened her eyes the next day. She lay there for a few moments, accustoming herself to her unfamiliar surroundings as the previous day's events came back to her like a slap in the face. Sighing, she threw back the duvet and swung her feet onto the luxurious carpet and climbed out of bed. She dressed quickly and pulled open the curtains pausing for a moment as the warm sunshine hit her body. Removing a comb from her handbag, she pulled it through her hair quickly, before cautiously opening the study door and making her way down stairs silently.
Soft music was echoing from the kitchen as she approached it. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open slowly and entered, relieved to see only Alison, who turned and greeted her warmly.
"Afternoon. Sleep well?"
"Yeah thanks, not too bad. Was a bit restful 'til the painkillers kicked in. What time is it?"
"Nearly 3pm. You must have been worn out."
"I was, can't believe I slept so long."
"You look better, how are you feeling?"
"Not too bad actually, certainly more human than yesterday, I'm trying not to think about it but one thing I have realised is that things aren't going to get solved one way or another with me up here and him down there. So I think I'll be heading off home later."
"That's up to you June, you're welcome here for as long as need be, anyway, promise you won't go without seeing Mike and the kids, they know you're here and would like to see you. Besides I can't send you away on an empty stomach, and as you can see I'm just making tea."
"I promise." June smiled. "Where are they all anyway?"
"Hannah's in bed, sleeping off last night, the life of a student eh? She got in about 9am. Mike's washing the car and Claire's due back from school in a while."
"I'll go and take a shower then if that's ok with you?"
"Of course June, there's a fresh towel on the radiator in there for you and all my lotions and potions are in there. Help yourself."
"Cheers." June nodded and retreated back upstairs.
***
"Mike!" June smiled broadly as she entered the kitchen. "Good to see you again after so long."
The tall man stood up from his seat at the kitchen table and warmly embraced June. "It's been too long June, sorry you're not here for longer but it's great to see you nevertheless. I've just boiled the kettle, you fancy a cuppa?"
"That'd be great, thanks." June said sitting down beside Alison, who squeezed her hand in support.
"You look more relaxed." Alison commented.
"Amazing what a long hot shower and some make up can do."
"Yeah it is really, who needs expensive beauty treatments?"
"Not us that's for sure. Thanks Mike." She picked up the steaming mug from where Mike had placed it in front of her and took a long sip. "And tea works miracles too."
"I always swear by a cup of tea to help solve any problem." Mike laughed. "I think there's something in there that helps with rational thinking."
"You could have a point there." June smiled. "You'd be amazed how much tea and coffee us lot get through on an average case."
"Talking of tea and coffee, is the kettle boiled?" a weary voice muttered from the vicinity of the doorway.
"You're about to watch the healing properties of coffee in action." Alison laughed as Hannah, still in her dressing gown, shuffled across the kitchen to the kettle, scooping coffee from a jar into a mug and sloshing hot water and milk on top, before turning to face people seated at the kitchen table.
"Auntie June!" she remarked walking over and planting a kiss on her forehead as June embraced her from a sitting position. "So good to see you."
"And you too." June smiled warmly. "Look at you. You've grown so much."
"It's been a while." Hannah looked down at her attire. "Sorry about the clothing � it was a late one last night, my best mates birthday do. I'm going to shower; I'll be back in a while. Mark's taking me to the Valentine's Day Ball tonight at college." Alison glowered at her daughter, her eyes gesturing towards June. "Oh� sorry June�" Hannah said solemnly. "I didn't mean to�"
"It's ok Hannah, really it is. Go and get yourself dolled up."
"You'll need a fresh towel from the airing cupboard Han," Alison shouted to her daughter's retreating form and shook her head.
"Sorry about that June, she doesn't think sometimes."
"Ali, you're being overprotective of me again. So what if the rest of the world is loved up today," June muttered. "Not much I can do about it."
"Well you don�t need it shoved in your face."
"Can't really avoid it." June shrugged. "February 14th Jim's birthday today." She added wistfully wiping away a tear. "41 years old� I've had his presents for weeks, hidden away in the beside cabinet, all wrapped and ready, complete with cards."
Alison took her June's hand in her own. "You could still give him the birthday present � as a friend I mean, might help you on the path to reconciliation or at least be a catalyst to you talking to each other."
"I don't think so Ali, it's too personal, something he'd hinted at and would never expect as a present. Something a lover would give not a friend. Wonder if the shop will give me a refund," she said cynically. "Don't even know where the receipt is."
"Don't worry about that until you have to June."
"I suppose that's the least of my worries right now."
"Yep, prioritise things June, you need to get your head sorted and your life back on track first."
"Well my head's a lot better than it was last night, next stop life."
"That's my girl." Alison smiled and squeezed June's hand. "What time are you looking to head off?"
"Well after we've eaten probably, can't drive off on an empty stomach and I want to see Claire and Hannah properly before I go."
"Claire should be in soon so we can eat around 5ish if that's ok with you. By the time you've eaten you'll have missed the worst of the rush hour. And you shouldn't get back to London too late either."
"Sounds good to me."
"Tell me you're not going to go straight back to work. I'd take another couple of days if I was you."
"I don't think I'll be rushing back Ali, don't worry about that. If I've learned something from this it's that I'm not as invincible as I thought I was. I'll ring Gina tomorrow tell her I need some time to sort myself out. I'm owed plenty of leave� we were saving it up for a decent summer break�"
"You can still take that break, I'll come with you. Mike won't mind will you dear?"
"Me? Not at all � it'll do you both good."
June smiled. "I'll bear that in mind then."
"You do that."
"Well if there's nothing I can do here, can you point me in the direction of a petrol station, I can at least prepare for that long drive back. At least I'll be in a fit state to do it this time, it might not take too much out of me."
"There's one just at the other side of the estate June." Mike said standing up. "I'll walk you to your car and point you in the right direction."
"Thanks, I'll just need to grab my coat and bag from the study."
"Meet you out there then, I need a smoke and she doesn't let me in the house."
"And quite rightly so." June laughed glancing over at Alison. "Won't be long."
***
"Think you can find that ok June?" Mike leant on her car as he pointed to the bottom of the street.
"Left, then right, second left onto the main road and it's about a mile down that road on the left?" June repeated.
"Yup that's it." He stepped aside as June climbed into the car and wound down the window. "Look June I know Ali has probably said this thousands of times but you know you're always welcome up here and if you ever need anything�"
June nodded and smiled warmly. "Yeah she's said and I appreciate it. Don�t know what I'd do without you lot."
"Well we're always here. Remember that."
"Thanks Mike. I won't be long, well if I'm not back in half an hour phone my mobile cos you'll have to come and find me." She laughed winding up the window.
***
"So you didn�t get lost then?" Mike smiled opening the door to a shivering June.
"Nope, I am a police officer you know, I have a knack for finding places."
"And a nose for food � Ali's about ready to dish out." He moved out of the doorway to let June pass by. "Claire was going mad you know, thought she'd missed you, she's just turned into the street when your car was pulling away. Everyone's in the kitchen."
"Hope you haven't been waiting for me?" She asked as she shrugged of her jacket and dumped her bag on the floor.
"'Course not. You just timed it right."
June followed Mike through to the kitchen taking the empty seat at the table between Claire and Hannah. "I hear you thought I'd gone without seeing you."
"Well you were driving off."
"OK I'll give you that one. But I'm back now. Sorry I can't stay for longer but I've got a lot of stuff to sort out back at home."
"It's ok," Claire smiled. "Just glad to get to see you for once. Besides mum and dad said you'd come back up to visit or we could come down to you."
"And they're right. By the way I really wanted to thank you girls in person for the presents you sent down with your mum when she came visiting we� erm I really liked them."
"Mum passed on your thanks didn't she Claire?" Hannah interrupted sensing June's unease.
"Right everyone eat up," Alison announced as she brought the plates over to the table. "Hope it's ok June, I remember you used to love this years ago, never thought to ask�"
"It's fine Ali, still one of my favourites, and you were always one of the best cooks I've ever known."
"I'll second that." Mike grinned tucking into his meal.
***
"Now drive safely won't you June," Alison insisted as June picked up her handbag and zipped up her jacket.
"And ring us when you get back, let us know you've arrived safely," Mike chipped in. "Doesn't matter what time it is, we just want to know you're there."
"I'll do that. Nice to see you girls again." June announced hugging them in turn. "I promise we'll spend more time together next time."
"We'll hold you to that won't we Claire," Hannah smiled, her arm around her younger sister.
"And you have fun tonight Hannah, don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
Alison coughed loudly and June turned to face her. "And you madam." June laughed. "Thanks for everything. I really don't know what I do without you." She kissed her friend on the cheek and embraced her tightly. "And to see you too Mike." She smiled as he hugged and kissed her. "Look after these lot for me won't you."
"I will do." He nodded.
"Right I should get going," June announced as she opened the door and set off down the path; Alison, Mike, Hannah and Claire behind her.
Unlocking the car door she turned to the sea of friendly faces once more, her eyes filling with tears. "Thanks guys." She opened the door and placed one foot in the car before her name was called and she was enveloped in a further hug. Turning round she saw it was Alison.
"It'll be ok June, I'm sure of it, and if not you know where we are." She whispered into her ear before raising her voice to an audible level. "You stay in touch, we're only at the other end of the phone line remember."
"I will do." June untangled herself from her friend's arms and sat down in the driver's seat, simultaneously winding the window down as she started the engine. "Bye guys." She shouted as she pulled away, watching as her friends decrease in size until she turned the corner and they could be seen no more. Removing one hand from the steering wheel she wiped the stray tears from her eyes. "You're lucky to have friends like that," she muttered as she turned from the estate to the main road. "Now get yourself back to London and sort out that mess that is your life."
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