June Ackland isn�t herself, yet no one will tell her ex-partner, Jim Carver, what is wrong. When he finally does find out, it leads to an extraordinary day which will change both of their lives forever�
***
Thursday 19th June 2003
8:55 am
�Morning, Jim.�
Jim looked across at Polly Page as she chirruped cheerily at him. He rolled his eyes in reply.
�Pol.�
�I see you�re as bright and breezy as ever.�
�Yeah, well, give me ten minutes and a black coffee and I�ll see what I can do about it.� Jim gestured out of the window. �It�s not even nine and it�s already 25 degrees out there.�
�I know, gorgeous, innit?�
Jim looked down at Polly and gave in to a smile. �Yeah. �Spose so.� He walked over to the coffee pot, poured himself a cup, and wandered back to the desk which he now shared with his old colleague. �The Sarge not in yet?� He nodded toward June Ackland�s conspicuously empty chair.
�She�s gonna be late, doctors appointment.�
�Oh.� Jim frowned, then nodded. �Just a check up I s�pose?�
�As far as I know, Jim, yeah.� Polly looked on as Jim took a mouthful of his coffee. �Don�t look so worried.�
�Can�t help myself.� Jim sighed. It had been four months now since Jim and June had parted. After some initial bitter acrimony, they had agreed to try to put the bad times behind them, move on, to be friends. However, as much as they had tried, it had never felt the same as it had�before.
�I really don�t understand you two. It�s obvious to anyone you�re still mad about each other.� Polly put the cap back on the highlighter pen she had been using and moved to perch on the end of Jim�s desk. �June said it was�y�know, you love each other but just can�t live together��
�Something along those lines. To be honest with you, Pol, I thought I knew what I was doing at the time, but��
�You want to get back with her?�
�N�no. I don�t know. It would be so easy for us to�we both know it�s all still there, but it�s the realities, you know? The stuff that sinks in when that initial passion has gone�I...� Jim shook his head. �You don�t want to hear all this.�
�I do. I care about the both of ya. And you know something, Jim, I don�t think either of you will ever be truly happy again unless you�re back together. I�ve known both of you for long enough to be able to see that.�
�I just wish it was all that simple, Pol.� Jim placed his hand on Polly�s, which was lying on the desk. �I really wish it was all that simple.�
***
10:03am
�Come in.� Detective Inspector Samantha Nixon looked up as there was a rap at the door. The door opened, and a slim blond woman entered. �June. Sit down, please.�
�I don�t mean to interrupt, I can come back, if��
�No, June, don�t be silly.� Sam put down her pen. �Everything alright?�
June walked slowly to the chair opposite Sam, but instead of sitting, she simply placed her hand on the back of it. �No. It�s not�I need�some leave. Immediately.�
Sam frowned, stood, moved to June and placed an arm around her shoulder, an immediate expression of concern crossing her features. �What�s happened?�
�I�you know I had a doctors appointment this morning�a check up��
�Yes�look, June, please sit down�� She guided June down into the chair.
�Look, Ma�am�� June stopped, sucked in a breath. �I�he found a lump. In my left breast.�
�I�Ju�� Sam stuttered, hunkering down beside her colleague. �But you know, that could be anything��
�I know, I know, 90% of lumps are benign�I�m low risk, never had kids�all of that, I�ve heard all of that��
�Doesn�t make you feel any better though, does it.� Sam placed a hand on June�s arm. �I�m sorry, I�m sure you don�t need reassurances or platitudes. So, what happens?�
�I have an appointment, this afternoon, at the breast clinic at St Hughs. They�re going to do a mammogram, and�what was it he called it, a needle aspiration�� June placed her hand to her forehead. �It�s all happening so fast, none of it is sinking in��
�I can imagine. Look, June, you take all the time you need. But you know, don�t you, you know it�s all going to be fine��
�That�s what I�m trying to tell myself.� June nodded, attempting but failing to smile. �Look, Ma�am, I don�t�could you please not tell anyone about this? Especially not�� June�s words finally faltered and dried up.
�Especially not Jim.�
June nodded. �I couldn�t bear that. I really couldn�t bear it.�
***
10:15 am
�Sarge!� Jim looked up as the double doors swooshed open and shut.
�Jim�� June flicked a glance toward him. �Jim�I need you to oversee the CSU for a couple of days.�
�Me?�
�Yes, you. About time you had a go at being Sergeant.� June forced her voice to adopt a light tone. �I�ve�got some�family problems that need sorting out��
�Nothing serious I hope?�
�No�well, yes�but no.� June turned and picked up a pile of files from her desk, and dropped them inelegantly in front of Jim. �These all need going over with a fine tooth comb for starters.� She looked toward Polly, who had an expression of intense curiosity on her face. �Polly � can I have a quick word please?�
�Sure�� Polly followed June into the corner office. Jim looked on as the two women spoke, noted a look of distress cross Polly�s face, and then, extraordinarily, he saw the two women hug. A moment later they emerged, June heading out of the office without biding Jim a farewell, and Polly back to her desk.
�Pol�what�s going on?�
�Eh?� Polly looked up at Jim, almost startled. �Oh�nothing. Really.� Polly smiled a wan smile. �You want a hand with them files?�
***
11:05am
�Come in�Jim!� Sam Nixon gestured for Jim to come into her office. �Everything alright in the CSU? I�m sure June�s left it in capable hands��
�Well, I don�t know about that. Look, Ma�am..� Jim moved into the room closed the door behind him. �It�s about June. I�m worried about her.�
�There�s no need to be, Jim she�s fine, just a few family problems, that�s all.� She smiled up at him. �Is that it?�
�No�look, I know she was at the doctors this morning and all of a sudden she needs time off��
�Well that is what is known as a coincidence, Jim, surely you�ve come across them before?� She stood, picking up a file and heading towards the door. �Now, if you don�t mind, I really do have some work to do��
**
12:48pm
�Alright Jim?� Polly dropped into the chair opposite Jim, a tray in front of her which held a plate of chips, a roll, and can of coke. �Share my chips?�
�No, ta.�
�Well�� Polly cracked open the can, cursing lightly as some of the contents squirted out and ran down her hand. �It must be serious.�
�Eh?�
�If you�re off your chips.� Polly slurped at the can. �I just saw Cathy, she said you�ve been in a right mood.�
�Stuff on my mind.� Jim rubbed his fingers against his temples. �Polly�I�� He shook his head. �Nah, what�s the use?�
�No, come on, what�s up?�
�What did June talk to you about this morning?�
�Nothin�. Girls stuff y�know.� Polly looked away, suddenly finding her plate of chips the most fascinating thing in the world.
�Come on, Pol, I�m not stupid.� Jim snapped. �Sorry�I just can�t help thinking��
�Jim�I could tell ya, but�she told me in confidence and she specifically asked me not to��
�Polly, please! I�m worried about her! Even if nothing�s going on, I want to know, because I can�t get these thoughts out of my head!�
�I�alright. But you�ve got to tell her that you made me tell you��
�I will. Honest, Pol.� He reached over, grabbed and squeezed her hand. �Now tell me, is June alright?�
Polly looked down, shook her head. She sniffed, and when she looked back to Jim, her eyes were wet with tears. �Well, I �ope so.�
�You hope so�Polly�?�
�The doctor found�a lump�in her breast. She�s got to go and have tests.�
Jim stared at her aghast. �What? Not June�when - where?�
�I�ve told ya enough.� Polly pulled her hand away. �She�ll never trust me if��
�Polly!�
Polly glared up at him, saw the fear and concern in his eyes, and acquiesced. �St Hughs breast clinic. Two o�clock.� She saw Jim glance up at the clock. �But she wants to be alone, Jim��
Jim shook his head, pushed back his chair and stood.
�No, Jim! She wants to be��
It was too late. He was gone. She thought about chasing after him but decided against it. This was something the two of them needed to sort out between themselves.
***
1:58pm
�Excuse me!� Jim came skidding to halt, his arm being grabbed by the nurse he had been intending to intercept.
�Hey, watch it!� She looked on in increasing concern as Jim breathed heavily, sucking in air to try to get his breath back. �Are you alright?�
�Yeah�yeah�just�� He held up a hand, swallowed, and then smiled. �Unfit. Look, can you tell me where the breast clinic is please, I�ve been following the signs but I swear I�ve gone round in circles.�
�Of course�it�s that new building just over there.� She laughed at Jim�s expression of incredulity. �I know, I know, they pay millions for the place and don�t even think of paying for a decent sign.� Jim looked over at the single level, red brick building, which he had seen and disregarded twice.
�Thank you�I�� His words came to a halt as he saw June, walking slowly, slowly and less surely than he had ever seen her, toward the building he had been looking at. Her head was down, her gaze fixed on the pathway in front of her. She looked small, terrified, utterly dejected. �Thank you.� The nurse smiled in response and continued on her way.
Jim continued to look on as June stopped in front of the automatic doors of the clinic, looking up at something he couldn�t see from his point of view. She pulled her handbag up onto her shoulder determinedly, seemed to square her shoulders and then moved to walk in.
�June�� He ran toward the building, cursing as a car beeped him as he crossed the road that divided him from June. June heard the beep, the slight skid, and looked up and over. Immediately she recognised him, she turned toward him, her face turning cold as he approached her, her eyes turning to ice.
�I�it seems I can�t even trust my best friend. I�m assuming that it was Polly that told you?�
�Don�t�don�t blame her.� Jim reached out to touch her arm, but June shifted away, took a step or two backwards, away from him. �I just needed to know�what was wrong.�
�Nothing is wrong.� June crossed her arms across her chest in a gesture of defiance. �Until I hear otherwise, nothing is wrong. Now, if you don�t mind, I have an appointment to keep.� She swivelled away from him, headed toward the door which swooshed open in her wake.
�June��
She stopped, her head bent downward, shaking from side to side. The door in front of her slid shut once more. �What? What do you want, Jim?�
�You can�t go through this alone.� He moved to her, made no attempt to turn her around, simply placed his hands on her upper arms. �You know that.�
�Why not? I am alone. You of all people should know that.�
�June, I�m still your friend.�
�If I�� Slowly she turned to him, looked up to him, her expression now a little more determined. �If I�d wanted someone here with me I would have asked. I would have asked Polly, or Samantha. I may even have asked Gina. But not you.�
�I just want to help��
�Ha!� June laughed, her tone not humorous but ironic and bitter. �How many times did I say that to you a few months ago? How many, Jim? Do you know, because�I�I lost count.�
�June please!�
�Jim, I don�t need your help. I don�t need anyone�s help! As far as anyone knows this is all a complete waste of time. Now let me go, I�m already late.� She pulled away from him, moving forward, the doors again allowing her entrance. �Just go back to the nick, Jim. I gave you an order this morning and I expect you to follow it.�
�No.�
�What?� She swivelled, half in and half out of the clinic. �I gave you a direct order, PC Carver.�
�Don�t start pulling rank with me.� Jim�s jaw set, his eyes flashed with anger. �This has nothing to do with work and you know it. June, whatever might have happened between us, whatever�June, you are still my best friend and�June, just let me do this!� His arms were flailing, helpless, his eyes were wild, scared.
�No. This is my problem, Jim.� She took another step backward, the doors separating them beginning to slide shut. �Don�t make it yours.�
As the doors closed, Jim reeled as if he had been punched forcefully in the chest. Those words�
***
�Can you stick another one in there mate��
�No�please don�t��
�This is my problem�don�t make it yours�.�
***
�No�� Suddenly, in a terrifying rush, that night came back to him, that night after that dreadful day where everything had started spiralling out of his control, where he had been weak, so weak, too weak, where he had succumbed to insecurity and fear and pain, and�
Old ghosts and bad memories.
***
�That doesn�t sound like the Jim Carver I knew.�
�We�re none of us the people we were, Frank � you should know that��
***
His knees suddenly weakened beneath him, he looked round and saw a wood bench, a few metres away. He walked slowly toward it, slowly sitting down on it.
He looked around himself, not entirely sure where he was and what he was looking at � or even who he was.
Who was Jim Carver anyway? He searched through his mind, his history, the forty one years that he had left behind him, the good times, the bad, the screw ups, so many screw ups, the fun, the fear, the pain, the anger�grief�
When, if ever had he really known who he was?
A voice, gentle insistent nagged at him, struggling to make itself heard in the fracas that he was causing in his own mind. He knew, he�d always known, always, always known who the real Jim Carver was, the person he wanted to be, who he would give anything to be again�
�Jamie.� He muttered. �Jamie Carver.�
An image flashed in front of his mind of a young man who was so familiar yet so unreal, so untouchable, so strange. Thin, so thin, his blond hair stuck up in spikes with sugar and water, torn blue jeans, splattered with bleach, that t-shirt he�d lived in�
The silver earring that had caused so many arguments with his mum, his mum who still loved him so much, who even now was there, had been there through the last few months, had been there in the first few days after he had left rehab, looking after him as if he was still her little boy�
Jamie Carver�he was a rebel, such a rebel but he was happy. Loved his music, passionate. Argued with his parents and brothers but still loved them deeply, would drop anything to be with them, to help them when they called�
People, people who didn�t know him would look at him askance, mutter under their breath, but he held his head high, in the knowledge that despite how he looked he had a loving family, friends, who all knew him for who he was�
And�
The last time he�d dealt with cancer�he balled his hands into fists, stared down at the whiteness of the skin that was stretched over his knuckles.
That had been nearly twenty-five years ago.
Things were different now, he knew, back then�
God, he�d tried, but he had been too late. Nobody�s fault, just not enough knowledge�
This time�
�Whatever happens�� He looked up at the building in front of him. �Whatever happens I�m going to be here. I�m staying, June. I�m staying.�
***
4:17pm
�You�re not married, are you?� The nurse, dressed in casual blue, with such a kindly face, guided June back into the foyer.
�No�never have been.� They paused at the reception as the nurse passed over a file to the receptionist.
�I�m just saying, you should have someone with you tonight. To keep you company at least. Take your mind off things.�
�I�I can call my friend Polly, she�� June�s words ground to halt. �Thank you. You�ve been so kind.�
�I�ll be here again tomorrow, at two.� She ran her hand down June�s arm, squeezed her hand. �Now you take care of yourself, and please � I know it�s hard, but try not to dwell on things. Ninety percent of the time��
�I know. Thank you.� A returned squeeze.
�Hope you parked nearby.� The women looked up as another crack of thunder broke overhead. It had been raining now for a good half an hour, with thunder sounding as if it was overhead, sudden flashes of lightning. �I like a good storm. It�s been so�oppressive lately.�
�It has.� June nodded. �I�ll run.�
�Be careful.� He nurse smiled, picked up another file from the desk, and moved away, onto her next patient.
June walked to the doors, rolling her eyes at the water rolling down the glass, obscuring the outside world from view. She pulled her thin � too thin � jacket to her, and stepped forward.
***
For a moment, she couldn�t focus on what she was seeing. In front of her, on a wooden bench, soaked through, rain dripping from his hair, his clothes, his ears, his nose�was Jim.
�Wh�what the hell are you doing?� She shivered in a sudden chill breeze. �I�I told you to go back to Sun Hill.�
�And I said no.� Jim wiped a hand across his nose, refusing to move from the seat.
�Fine. What do I care?� June shook her head, walked away � no more than two steps. She turned, sighed a huge exasperated sigh. �Come on, I�ll give you a lift.�
Jim looked up at her. Then he stood, and held out his hand. �No, I�ll drive you. June, let me be with you, just as a friend�let�s just try to remember what we had before.� He took her hand, intertwined his fingers with hers. �We�ve known each other too long to let it all go.�
Slowly, June drew her eyes up to meet Jim�s. Those eyes, those beautiful grey eyes that she used to drown in, eyes which in the past few months had closed her off, had looked away, had flashed over with fear and concern whenever they spoke, fear that a wrong word would set them arguing once more�now she only saw care, concern, the genuine worry that one friend would have for another in such a situation.
�Alright. You�ve talked me into it.� June tightened her grip around Jim�s hand. �You were always good at that.�
***
5:32pm
June sat in silence in her lounge, concentrating on nothing but the ticking of the clock on her mantelpiece. Occasionally there were noises upstairs � Jim was having a shower � but she took no heed, they were strangely comforting, and even after all these months, familiar.
She�d showered and changed, beginning to fuss over her increasingly wayward hair but decided to leave it in its natural state � it wasn�t as if Jim hadn�t seen her like this before. She had spent a good fifteen minutes simply standing under the warm spray, letting the rivulets of water caress her body. Occasionally her mind flashed back to times when she and Jim had bathed together, she could almost feel his hands massaging the gel into her shoulders, could feel the goose bumps rise on her skin as he moved in close to her�
She sighed, reaching across to the coffee table to the steaming mug that waited there. She could revel in memories and fantasies forever, but it wouldn�t change the reality of the situation. Her time with Jim as a lover and a partner had been wonderful, the best eight months of her life, but�it was time to move on�as difficult as it still was to accept.
If she could still be with him, as a friend, as best friends�then that would have to be enough. It certainly was an improvement on the alternative.
�Penny for �em.� It was Jim, standing in the doorway, his wet hair tousled and tufted, dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans that he had left behind when he had left, and June had never thought to return.
�What? Oh�just thinking.�
�You want something to eat?� Jim moved over, sat on the armchair opposite her.
�Later�� She tipped her head to the side, looked at Jim askance. �Have you lost weight?�
�Yeah, a bit.� Jim shrugged, hiked his eyebrow at her. �Haven�t been eating as well as�we used to.�
�Me neither. I never thought I�d miss a man�s cooking but you�� She smiled.
�If you want me to cook something, I can�� Jim edged forward on his seat, eager to be useful.
�I�ve got nothing in. Let�s just get a takeaway.�
�I�ll go to the shops, I want to treat you.�
June looked at Jim for the longest time, then shook her head and sighed a rather contented sigh. �Go on then, how could I possibly say no?�
***
6:49pm
They ate in the lounge, with their plates on their laps, devouring a delicious homemade spaghetti Bolognese.
�That was beautiful, Jim, you never fail, do you?� Jim smirked in reply. �What?�
�Remember that chicken?�
June thought for a moment then laughed. �Oh yes�I like Cajun, Jim, but that was pushing it.�
�Guess I had other things on my mind.� There it was, back, the awkwardness that came over them every time any reference was made to the physical side of their relationship.
�Yes, you probably did.� June placed her plate onto the coffee table and reached for her glass of red wine. �It�s funny, though, Jim, remember that barbeque we had, oh, so many years ago now, you were put in charge of the sausages? Every single one of them was burnt�how come you�re so accomplished now?�
�Too many hungry nights alone. And Sonia � you remember her � she was a chef, and�gave me a few lessons.� Jim ducked his head and blushed.
�I bet she did.� June smiled and winked at Jim. Jim chuckled under his breath. Suddenly, both of them began to feel a little more relaxed in each others company. It no longer felt awkward, this was just banter, small talk, and crucially, as far as Jim was concerned, it was keeping June�s mind off of other things. He watched her laugh, tucking her legs up underneath her, and determined to keep doing just that.
***
10:28pm
�I think you�ve had too much of that wine.�
�I haven�t had that much�� June lifted up the bottle and squinted at the contents. Or the lack of them, as she realised. �Oops.�
�It doesn�t matter.� Jim had now moved over to the sofa, where he sat close to, but still at a distance from, the now slightly inebriated June. He had kicked off his shoes and had his socked feet on the table, something that June had always hated but today she seemed not to care at all about.
She looked at the liquid left in her glass, then shrugged and put it back down on the table. �Better make this last.�
For a moment she was silent, and seemed lost in thought. Jim nudged her gently. �You alright?�
�Yeah. It�s just times like this�don�t listen to me I�m getting maudlin.�
�If you want to talk about it, June, that�s why I�m here.�
�That�s just it, I don�t want to talk about it. But it�s just, there, you know. You don�t want to think about it, but it�s always digging away at you.�
�I know how that feels.� Jim nodded.
�I�I�ve always been optimistic, you know? Glass half empty and all that.� She looked again at her wine glass and laughed. �But sometimes, you know full well you�re not going to get any more.�
�Yeah.� Jim flickered a glance at her, and June thought she could detect a moment of guilt in his expression.
�Got to make the best of what you�ve got, I suppose.� She smiled a wry smile, turned to face him. �I�m really glad you�re here.�
�So am I.� He smiled, but his smile disappeared when he saw an expression of pain cross June�s features. �What � what is it?�
�Dammit�I never will learn�� June grimaced and slowly extracted her legs from underneath her. �My legs have gone to sleep.�
�Ow. You alright?�
�I will be. Ow. Ow. Ow!!� June slowly levered herself from the sofa, got to a semi-standing position, and stamped her foot on the floor. �I hate this!!�
Jim looked on, and despite his best intentions, he began to laugh. At first it was a barely stifled chuckle, but it grew in intensity until his booming laugh echoed around every corner of the small room.
�Oh, if only they could see you now.�
June looked up and glared at him, slowly placing her foot on the floor to test whether it would now hold her weight. �You have got a deranged sense of humour, Jim Carver.�
�Thank you.� He reached for her hand and pulled her back down onto the sofa. �Now sit down.�
�Yes, Sir.� June sank back into the comfort of the velvet cushions. �Don�t tell me you�ve never done anything embarrassing.�
�My whole life is embarrassing.� Jim rolled his eyes. �Did you hear about the time I passed out in a factory foyer? Right in front of staff, colleagues�just went over, flumph�� He chuckled. �Wasn�t even drunk.�
�Well, I�m sure you couldn�t help that�anything else?�
�I was on this raid, years ago�just after I went up to CID? Raid was a complete blow out but a lot of people seemed to be in quite good spirits. Dashwood, Galloway, the lot��
June began to laugh. �Don�t go on�I know where this is going�I was there, remember?�
�Oh, yeah, so you were.� Jim flushed beet red. �I mean, someone could have told me��
�We could, but conversely, James, you could have worn underwear that day.� She looked at him with such an intensely serious expression that Jim frowned, but his frown turned into a smile as she began to laugh heartily. �Took you a while to live that one down, didn�t it?�
�Yes, and with a friend like Taffy Edwards it�s no wonder!� The laugh was back, such a deep, throaty and joyful laugh, with an almost agonisingly infectious quality about it. June doubled up, holding her sides and wiping her eyes. It felt good to laugh; it had been so long, she and Jim had often laughed together about the silliest things, the pure exhilaration their closeness and the strength of their relationship putting them on a natural high�
She leaned forward, placing a hand on his upper arm. She looked up into his dancing eyes.
Suddenly, she was back in the sergeant�s office, just over a year ago. They�d been talking, the lights were out, he�d made her laugh, laugh just like this�
Her laugh quieted, she gazed at him, he noticed her looking and he quieted also. For a delicious moment, their eyes made contact, but then Jim�s flickered away. A wave of disappointment crossed over her, and, almost involuntarily, she placed a hand on his cheek, and before he could react, she kissed him softly, gently on the lips.
For a moment, just a moment, he responded, she felt his lips part to allow her access, but then he flinched and pulled away.
�No.�
�But, Jim�� June�s voice cracked, where her eyes had been filled with tears of laughter just a moment ago, now they were tears of pain and disappointment.
�I came here as a friend, June. I didn�t have any ulterior motive.�
�Am I saying you did? That was me, Jim, that was me�I was the one who didn�t want you here��
�I should never have come�I�m sorry, June.� He moved away, made to stand.
�No, Jim, you can�t leave me, I�m sorry, it was my mistake!�
�I�� Jim shook his head, stood. �I thought that things had changed, or could change. But nothing has, has it? You still want more and I still can�t give it to you.�
June stood to face him. �I don�t want more, I can live without more, but I can�t live without you�being here with me! Even if you�re just a friend.�
�But you�re always going to want more than that, aren�t you?� Jim placed his hands on her shoulders. �I should never have made you fall in love with me, June�I�if I�d known how much I�d hurt you�� He turned around, headed toward the door.
�You didn�t make me fall in love with you. I was already in love with you.� The steadiness of her tone surprised her, she was still quivering inside.
He stopped, but didn�t turn, waiting for her to go on.
�I�ve always been in love with you, Jim Carver. And I always will be. I never thought that we would ever be together. I never thought that I�d be that lucky.�
Now he turned, looking at her over his shoulder. �Lucky?�
�I�ve never met another man like you.� She shrugged, helpless, her bottom lip quivering. �So, yes, I�m always going to want more, but�I learned to live with it for eighteen years and I can do the same now.�
�But it�s not the same now, is it?� He turned back to face her. �We crossed the line, June.�
June looked down at the floor, and then slowly looked up, tears coursing down her cheeks. �No, it�s not the same. I can�t look at you and not think of the time we spent together, of the�happiness we shared�of the times we made love�� She shook her head angrily, wiping at her cheeks. �Can you honestly tell me you don�t feel the same?�
�I did. All those months ago I did. But I�ve learnt to deal with it and face reality. I�ll see you tomorrow, June.� Again he turned, she let him go, at least as far as the hallway when she called after him.
�You don�t know what reality is, Jim.� She stepped out into the hallway. �You don�t know what it is. You see reality as a future that might be one way, might be another, you see it all black even though it could be so good, so happy� You know what reality is? Reality is sitting here not knowing whether or not you�ve just been handed a death sentence.�
�You�re going to be alright, June��
�How do you know?� She stepped toward him, close into him. �How do you KNOW!� She raged at him, pounding her fists against his chest. �Or maybe you really are psychic�can you see into the future, Jim, is that it? Did you look into the future and see that we would be miserable together? Or was that what you wanted, was that just an excuse, was that just a get-out clause when you decided you didn�t WANT me any more!�
Jim shook his head, looked away from her, then back into her red, puffy, angry eyes. �I just never wanted to hurt you��
�Look at me.� June took a step back. Her hair was a mess, her face red, and her eyes sore, tear tracks lining her face. �You didn�t WANT to hurt me? You wanted to protect me from something that might never happen?�
�Yes��
�Didn�t you know that the thing that would hurt me most would be to lose you? To come home at night to this damn empty house and that empty bed and not be able to sleep without you next to me?�
�I��
�How many ways can I tell you I need you?!�
�That�s not enough��
�I need you and I love you and I know you love me. That�s enough, Jim, that�s enough!!!� She pivoted away from him, wiping frantically at her tears and gulping in breaths to try to calm herself. �Everything is falling apart, Jim, and I really don�t know if I can go on��
�You can. You know you can. You�re strong, June. Everyone knows it.�
�Not without you. I can�t be strong without you. You�ve left me open and vulnerable, because I trusted you so much�I entrusted so much of my strength in you, I relied on you, and you took that all away. I can�t�fight any more��
�Don�t say that.� Jim wiped at his own cheek, realised he too was now crying.
�It�s true. What�s the point, Jim? I spent eighteen years waiting for you. Eighteen years trying to pluck up the courage to make that move�eighteen years lying to myself� Everything I am is you, Jim Carver. And if you�re saying what I think you�re saying, that we can never be�the way we were�then�what is there?�
�June, I said don�t do this!� Jim snapped, his tone angered, his hackles rising against his better judgement.
�Do what? Stand here and tell you how I feel?� She swung back around, her face at first bitter but then utterly defeated. �Stand here and tell you that if they tell me tomorrow that I�ve got cancer that I don�t know if I�ve got enough strength left to fight it?�
Jim started, feeling like he had been delivered a blow to the face. He stared at her, trying to digest what she was saying. �That�s emotional blackmail, June.�
�No, it�s not, it�s the truth!� She grabbed for his arm, desperate now.
�I told you not to DO this to me!� He yelled back at her, yanking his arm away. �I can�t take this anymore�� He turned away from her, his body quaking.
She watched him as his body wracked with sobs. She reached out a hand, placed it on his back, and stroked it gently. �I�m sorry.�
�No�� He pulled in a deep quivering breath. �I�m sorry. I should never have said that to you.�
�Yes, you should. Neither of us likes to face the truth�we�ve both got quick tempers�we�re both tired.�
�What a pair, eh?� Jim shook his head, laughed through his tears.
�Jim�please stay. I just need someone here�no pressure, no�anything, just be here? For old times sake if nothing else.�
�Yeah�OK.� He nodded, turned back. He looked at her, and then held out his arms to her. �Come here.�
June stepped forward into his sure and familiar embrace.
�It�s going to be alright, you know. I know it.�
�And you can see into the future, right?�
�Yeah. I can.� Jim laughed. �And what I see right now, is me putting you to bed with a cup of cocoa.�
�What a coincidence.� June settled her head into Jim�s broad chest. �That�s what I can see too.�
***
Friday 20th June 2003
2:17am
June rolled over in her bed, sighed, sat up, picked up her top pillow and punched it. She replaced it, put her head back down, tried to get comfortable but again failed. It never failed to amaze her how some nights her bed could be comforting, luxurious, yet on others she felt like she was lying on concrete with her head on a boulder. Add to that the fact that her legs seemed to be getting in her way�well.
She lay facing upwards, staring at the featureless ceiling above her. It was pointless. There was going to be no sleep for her tonight, as tired as she had felt all those hours ago when Jim had tucked her in, had found the novel she had been reading after a swift search under the bed, had kissed her goodnight gently on the forehead. She�d felt like a child again, spoilt, cared for, looked after, and for a while at least, it had washed the pain and fear away.
But the night could be cruel, her own subconscious aiming spotlights at those dark areas of her mind where she kept those things that hurt her, dragging them out, mixing them up, turning them around, confusing and frightening her. As she had told Jim earlier that day, she was not one to fear the worst, but here, now, alone in the dark, suffering from a terrible bout of insomnia, all the silver linings she had created for herself seemed so dull, so grey�so unreachable and untouchable.
She shoofted herself into a sitting position, snapped on the lamp on her bedside table and glanced at her watch. A quarter past two, or thereabouts. In twelve short hours she would probably�
She shut off the thought, wiped her eyes, and reached for her novel, some cheap trashy romance, with millionaires and call girls, full of explicit pointless sex and unbelievably happy endings. But it was what she needed right now, an escape, a release. She flipped to the last dog-eared page and began to read.
**
2:35am
She watched him as his muscles glimmered in the sunlight, the brown skin taut over them, marvelled in his form as he scooped the leaves from the blue-green pool�
*scratch*
June looked up over her glasses, frowning.
Nothing.
She shrugged.
She felt herself shudder, she clutched her arms to her and allowed her eyes to fall closed. She could picture a silhouette of the two of them, their bodies locked, their lips�
*scratch*
*Scratch scratch*
�Toto?� June dropped her book, rolling her eyes and cursing as it again slipped from the duvet and onto the floor. She pulled off her glasses and dropped them on the bedside cabinet, and slowly got out of bed, padding barefoot to the door.
She pulled the door open and looked down. Gazing up at her was a grey tabby cat, mewing far too loudly for this time of night.
�Toto, shush.� She moved back from the door. �Come in if you want to.�
However, instead of moving into the bedroom and leaping onto the bed, as he was wont to do, Toto moved in deliberate circles, moving toward the top of the stairs, then back over to her, nudging her leg, then starting the routine again.
�What?� June�s suspicions were instantly aroused. The last time she had seen one of her cats behave like this, it had been Jasper, the night that her flat had been firebombed. His actions had undoubtedly saved her life�
Toto moved to the top of the stairs, mewed again, insistently, and June decided it was in her best interests to follow him.
***
The door to the lounge was slightly open; Jim had told her he would leave it that way in case she needed anything. As she approached, she could hear something unusual, a rasping, gasping sound. Gasping, like someone�
�Jim?� She ran forward, pushing the door wide. The room was in near darkness, the only light from a dim lamp on the side table by the sofa. But even so, June could see Jim, and what she saw made her heart leap to her throat.
�Jim�oh my God!� She flicked on the main light, ran over to him. He was on the sofa, sitting up but leaning forward, his hands pressed to his chest, his breath coming in huge desperate gasps, his face white, his eyes shot over with panic. �Jim, I�ll call an ambulance��
�N�no�� He gasped, raising a hand to stop her. She already had her hand on the receiver, she stared at him incredulously.
�Pa�nic�att�� He grimaced, balled himself up tighter.
�Panic attack? Are you sure?� June asked, deciding that questions with yes or no answers would be the best bet right now.
Jim nodded. �Need�� He flailed his hand around.
�What? Pills?� He shook his head. �Um�I know�you�re hyperventilating...� Jim nodded. �OK, stay there�� June ran from the room, rolling her eyes at her last comment. She darted into the kitchen, opened the larder door, her eyes scanning desperately for her prize. She finally found what she was looking for, and ran back into the lounge, shooing Toto from the sofa where he had been pressing his body against Jim�s in an effort to bring comfort.
�Here�� She passed the brown paper bag to him. He balled up the neck, began to breathe into it, deep deliberate breaths. As she watched him, running her hand up and down his back and murmuring words of encouragement and comfort, she realised that Jim was practiced at this, it wasn�t the first time it had happened, that he knew the symptoms and the remedy�what she didn�t know is just how long this had been a problem for him, and what had caused it.
After a few minutes, Jim�s breathing was back to almost normal, and he passed the bag back to June. �Thanks.�
�No problem.� She looked at him, shook her head. �You scared the hell out of me then.�
�I scared the hell out of myself.� Jim placed his head in his hands, sucked in a breath and held it for a moment, then released it slowly. �It�s OK, I�m OK.�
�No you�re not.�
�Had a bad dream, that�s all.� He tried to reassure her with a smile.
�What about?� She moved in closer to him, took his hand in hers. �You may as well tell me, I can�t sleep anyway��
Jim turned to her, looked at her for the longest time. �It�s something I can�t talk about. Not even to you.�
�Why?� June tipped her head to the side.
�It hurts too much.� He looked away, his once pale face turning red.
�Maybe�that�s because you can�t talk about it. Maybe it�s because you�ve bottled it up. You know how sometimes you can make things seem worse than they really are by dwelling on them.�
�I know, but�it was a lifetime ago, June, and anyone with any sense would have got over it by now.�
�It sounds like it�s something that affected you deeply.� She squeezed his hand. �You know whatever you tell me will never go any further than this room.�
�I don�t want you to�feel sorry for me.�
�Let me feel sorry for you. Let me help you. Jim, there are times when we both need support. You�ve supported me for years, you�re supporting me now. Just this once, let me support you. Let me return the favour.�
He looked away from her, ahead, staring off into the distance. �It�things could have been so different for me, June.�
She said nothing, knowing instinctively that he would continue, her only movement was her thumb which rhythmically stroked the back of his left hand.
�I was 18�it was 1980, and I was a punk.� He glanced at her to gauge her reaction. �I had it all, the hair, the safety pins, the earring�� His hand moved up to his left ear, where still now a small hole remained. �I loved it all, the scene, the music�the Sex Pistols, the Clash� People used to look down on punks didn�t they? You know�you were a copper then, weren�t you��
June smiled, nodded.
�But, you know, me and my mates we were just�kids�we might have caused a bit of noise, me might not have fitted in but underneath it all we were just�normal�we had jobs, the hair and the make up was just for outside work, the concerts, the� Didn�t stop people thinking we were yobs though, yobs with no future, no prospects, a waste of space. But not us, not me, I�I had my family, my brothers�I had my mum�my dad was long gone, but he�he was a drinker�he�� He shrugged. �No loss, really.� He turned a little to face her; more confident now he had opened the gates. �I was called Jamie back then, had been ever since I was little. Jamie Carver, he really did have it all, friends, family�love�� His face bunched up suddenly, he tried to pull his hand away but June wouldn�t allow him to release it.
�Jim�you know you�ve got to do this�� She urged. �There�s so much pain inside you bottled up and I�m willing to help you release it, even take some of it on for you. You�re such a wonderful man and you don�t deserve to live in such constant agony.�
Jim looked into her eyes and knew all at once that it was impossible to argue. He�d come this far and he knew, now, that there was no going back.
�She was called Terry�Theresa. We�d known each other all through school � childhood sweethearts. She wasn�t in with my crowd but still, we stayed together, everyone respected it, she came from a more respectable family and I think my mum thought she�d straighten me out�hoped anyway. But�she never tried to change me. I had my faults and so did she, but it didn�t matter. Nothing mattered apart from the fact that we both knew that we were meant to be together. So, when she turned sixteen, it was only natural that�I ask her to marry me.�
He dug into his jeans pocket with his free hand, pulled out his wallet, slid out a slip of passport photographs which he passed to her. �That�s us.�
June looked at the photographs. She couldn�t help but smile at Jim, the skinny young boy with those huge dancing eyes, the�was it pink?..Spikes in his hair, the white t-shirt strategically ripped and the skull and cross bones earring in his left ear. Next to him, pressed close, was a young slim girl, brunette, with a pixie face and large brown eyes, and the most beautiful smile she had seen. �She�s gorgeous.�
�Yeah. And not just on the outside. We were�you know, Jim and Terry, our names were like stuck together, never one without the other, if I wasn�t with her, the first thing that people would say, would ask, was where she was.�
�Inseparable.� June nodded. She and Jim had been the same way for the first few months of their relationship � �joined at the hip� Tony Stamp had called it.
�We didn�t think anything would ever�� He reached for the photographs; June passed them back to him. He looked down at them, stroking the image of this past love. �Then she�started getting tired, faint, she�d�� He laughed, shaking his head. �Everyone thought I�d knocked her up, but I�we hadn�t even�� He rolled his eyes. �I told you it was a different time.�
�I remember.�
�Things were different then, things have changed so much over these past years, with tests and things, she�they gave her all these blood tests and it turned out she had leukaemia.�
�Oh, my god, Jim, I�m so sorry��
�What for? What could you have done? What could anyone have done?� He shook his head angrily. �They said�there was nothing that could be done, chemo and bone marrow transplants were, well, it was in it�s infancy back then and it�basically they�well, they tried but it came down to them saying that she should just go home and�wait. I argued, said there must be something, but she�she�d accepted it, you know? And eventually, I did too�well, I thought I did. I spent every moment with her. I lost friends, they didn�t understand, only a few of them stood by me�couldn�t think about anything else apart from making her last few weeks, months, perfect.�
His words faded, stopped. He focused his attention down on the photographs he had clutched in his hand. �She died on January 12th, 1981. She was seventeen. I was there, her mum and dad were there, and she�� His eyes fell shut, and he heaved in a sudden sob. June knew that he was reliving the moment in his mind, and just let him be, made no moves to calm him, to touch him, just let him be.
And soon, as she had hoped, he came back to her.
�Afterwards�I was angry. So angry. Not with her. With god, with fate, with�whatever did this to us, to me�I alienated everyone, started drinking..� He looked to her. �That time, wasn�t the first, June�it was�all over again�� He sat up suddenly, leant back into the sofa. �I screwed around, didn�t really care about anyone or anything. Nearly ended up�I beat someone up, really bad, but the copper that�I don�t know, he must have seen�something��
�And that�s how you decided to join the Met?�
�Yeah. It gave me something to look forward to, to cling on to. Terry always used to tell me I was�y�know, decent, good with people��
�She was right.� June slid her hand up his arm, squeezed his shoulder.
�So, I did it for her. Everything since she died has been for her. People kept telling me it was right, that she�d want me to move on, but�she�s still here with me.� Jim placed his hand to his chest. �Right here. You do understand that, don�t you?�
��Course I do.�
�But as much as people told me, there was still this nagging fear, this doubt, that�what if every time I fell in love it would be�what if every time I fell in love I would lose it? And that is why nothing has worked out since. I�ve lived with women, I�ve thought about marriage and kids, the whole lot, but�still�and I have never, ever met another woman that I��
�That you loved as much as her.� It wasn�t a question, more a statement, made with a tone of resignation. �That�s why�I couldn�t compete.�
�That�s just it.� He narrowed his eyes and swallowed. �You could. You�re the first woman since Terry that I loved so intensely�for a while you even made me forget her. You even made me think that after all this time, that I�d just been stupid, that there was no curse, that I could be happy, but�then, things started to go wrong and I�I�m sorry, June��
�Don�t be. When did it start, Jim? When did you start feeling that way?�
�That day, that obbo�I misread what you were saying and�I thought�� He rolled his eyes, sighed a harsh sigh. �Saying it now it seems so stupid. For a while, I�but we won through that time, but it was back out there, and it was all moving so fast�the bouquet, the hints�the�I wanted to marry you, June, I so wanted to marry you.�
�But you couldn�t beat the fear.�
�No. I started having bad dreams, and then when you proposed, it was like�� He bit his lip, a determined expression crossing his face, and then he sat up. �I left you because I didn�t want to curse you, too.�
�Jim, the last thing your love was a curse.� She placed her hand to his face, made him look at her, made him see her honesty. �Things happen, Jim. They don�t happen because of who you are or something you�ve done. Terry dying was a tragedy, but you have to ask yourself, would it have happened anyway, if you hadn�t been with her? You can�t blame yourself for the ills of the world, Jim Carver. Nobody expects you to take on such a huge burden.� She slipped her hand into the blond strands of his hair. �Is it that you�re afraid to love?�
He simply nodded, a lone tear snaking down his cheek.
�Jim, you�ve loved me for eighteen years. Haven�t you? As a friend��
��Course I have.�
�And I�m still here�I�m fine�and I feel privileged to have you in my life.� She shook her head, smiled. �You�re a beautiful man, Jim Carver. You�ve got no need to be afraid. Fate is smiling on you. You�you were just a victim of circumstance.�
�I�ve been trying to tell myself that all these years. But hearing it from you�all of a sudden it makes sense.� He pulled in a quivering breath, then released it, laughing lightly as he did so. �But I�m still frightened��
�I know�I know you are.� June slid her hand down to his cheek and wiped away the tear track. �That�s not going to fade overnight. It will take time, and support. And a best friend to hold you when it hits you, and to be there to help you work through it. I know, Jim, because�I�m frightened too.�
�I�ll be with you, I promise�� Jim reached for her, wanting to hug her, to hold her. She pushed him back gently with a hand.
�You don�t have to be. Not if�I�m not going to force you into it, Jim, it�s your decision to make. But like I just said, I need a best friend right now, and you do to, so�� She tipped her head questioningly.
�Best friends.� Jim breathed.
�Best friends.� Again they found solace in each others arms.
As he held her close, June whispered three words into his hair. But he didn�t flinch, didn�t try to pull away. He simply replied:
�I love you too.�
***
8:32am
�So what do you want to do today?� Jim turned and faced June, leaning up against the marble worktop behind him.
�Do?� June glanced up, munching warily on a piece of dry toast.
�Yeah. Look, you�ve wangled me to the day off and we don�t have to be back at the clinic till two. Let�s go out somewhere.�
�Where?�
�Your choice.�
June rolled her eyes. �Jim, don�t do that to me. I hate that.�
�What?�
�Putting me on the spot. I mean, I don�t know�� She put her toast back down on her plate, and pushed it away. She sipped at her coffee and regarded Jim, a slow smile creeping across her face. �No, I know.�
�What? Anything�you can go anywhere you want, a museum, art gallery, whatever��
�I want to go to that place about twenty miles from here, you know, that place with the lake and the farm, and all the animals��
Jim snorted and smiled. �Really?�
�Yeah. I�ve never been there, felt awkward going on my own, you know, it�s really for kids��
�Hmmm.� Jim turned away from her and slipped some more bread into the toaster. �Well, you did always say that I was a big kid��
�Yeah.� She grinned. �We might even be able to get you reduced admission.� She stood, moved to the fridge and pulled out a loaf of bread. �Half of this for sandwiches, half for the ducks.�
***
11:49am
The weather was glorious; the sun beat down on them as they relaxed on a wooden bench over looking the large lake. Ducks quacked frantically as children fed them, songbirds whistled overhead, and in the distance, they could see a family of swans gliding across the water.
�Idyllic.� June said, the word coming out of a companionable silence.
�Hmm?�
�What�s that poem? That one about�you know�just sitting and watching�taking time to see beauty in things��
Jim didn�t reply, so June just shrugged and let it drop. But then:
�What is this life if, full of care;
We have no time to stand and stare?
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when wood we pass;
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight;
Streams full of stars, like skies at night?
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich the smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care;
We have no time to stand and stare.�
June looked over at Jim, who smiled and shrugged, looking slightly sheepish. �That the one?�
�Yes.� She hiked her eyebrows, reached for another sandwich. �That�s another side of you I didn�t know existed.�
�W H Davies. Learnt it at school.�
�And you remember it after all this time?�
Jim laughed indignantly. �Oi, you, you can talk!�
�It is true though. We just get so wrapped up in things. We just don�t take time to appreciate�like, take those ducks for instance.� She pointed to a group of ducks swimming and feeding a few feet ahead of them.
�What about them?�
�Well, look at them. I�ve always thought�you look at a duck, and you just know God has a sense of humour.� As they watched, two of the ducks turned upside down, showing their bottoms to the word and waggling their feet. As if in cue, another duck began quacking as if he was laughing at his compatriot�s antics.
�I see what you mean.�
�Sheep, too. I mean�sheep�they�re clouds with feet.�
Jim looked at her, open mouthed, then laughed out loud. �Maybe you should get out more, it agrees with you.�
�It�s just�I�ve missed so much, you know? Wrapped up in work, I mean, I know we do good and there�s nothing else I�d rather do, it�s just�there�s more, isn�t there?�
�Yeah. That�s why I go diving, I�there�s another world down there.�
�Another world. And I�ve hardly scratched the surface of this one.� June shook her head.
�I know where you�re coming from, June. When I was at rehab, I�there was this private beach, a few hundred yards from the clinic, where we could go and walk and think, and�I spent a lot of time there. Thinking things over�realising that the world had more to offer me. Realising it was out there for me to grab if I wanted it enough.� He shrugged. �Just a few weeks before I hadn�t wanted anything. I�d�I�d thought death was the only way out.�
�Oh, Jim��
�If life throws a rock in your way you�ve just got to�move round it I guess. Find another way. But that was�� He laughed, his laughter genuine, making June relax a little. �That was a mighty big rock. If it wasn�t for Frank, and Vicky and Reg, and�you��
�I didn�t do�anything��
�You�you were there. As always. You and me, we�re�we�ve got a bond, and�I couldn�t break it.�
June ducked her head. �Thank you, Jim.�
�For what?�
�Putting my thoughts into words.�
�Well, I was always good at English.� Jim grinned and stuck out his tongue at her.
�I mean�Jim, we do have a bond, you were my puppy, and�I�m afraid puppy walkers and their charges tend to be stuck with each other for life. I mean, I still visit Bob, still pour my troubles out to him��
�So I�m stuck with you, eh?�
�Yep. I�m afraid so.� She smiled, nudged his arm. �Come on you, I want to take a photo of those swans.�
�Yes, Sarge.� Jim began to pack away the food into the basket.
�Come on, no dawdling!� June was already walking away. But then she stopped, looked over her shoulder, her eyes laughing. �Walkies!!�
***
12:23pm
June put her camera back into her bag, and sighed. �Guess it�s time we were going � if we�re going to be at St Hugh�s by two.�
�Yeah.� Jim stood, dusted some grass from his backside. �When we get there � do you want me to come in with you?�
�Only�� June reached for Jim�s outstretched hand and got to her feet. �Only if you want to. Only if you�ve reached that decision we talked about.�
�I wish I had.� Jim pulled June close, his hands on her upper arms. �I don�t think I could be as brave as you in the same situation.�
�You would be. I know you, Jim. You�re always brave. You might not think so, but you don�t see yourself as others see you.�
�And how do they see me?�
�Loyal, honest, brave�sensitive, caring�OK, you�ve got a short fuse and you could do with losing a little weight but, you know, mostly they think you�re alright��
�Should have known better than to ask.� June pulled her bag up to her shoulder; Jim retrieved the picnic basket and headed after her.
�Ah, well, you see, I�ve always been told that one of my more dependable qualities is my honesty.� June quipped. �As well, of course, as my astonishing figure, incomparable intelligence and social skills�� She continued on, talking, joking, and teasing.
Jim watched her as she walked. In stark contrast to the previous day, her head was high; she walked with a confident swing to her hips. Underneath it all, he knew she was scared but she was facing it, fighting it, refusing to let the more stark possibilities worry her unless they became reality.
Taking every moment as it came. Making the best of what she had. Letting herself savour every moment.
He knew, then, that he wanted to be like her. To share that strength, that assurance. To grab happiness where he found it and to concentrate on the gifts that life offered him, gifts that could help him overcome any obstacles in his way. And he knew, suddenly, totally, that there was only one way he was going to be able to achieve it.
***
She turned, suddenly aware she was alone, feeling a little embarrassed about seemingly talking to herself. She turned, saw him standing about ten feet behind her, just standing there, watching her.
�Jim? Jim, you alright?� She stepped forward, as she did so, Jim did the same and they met in the middle. �Hey�what�s this about?� She saw the tears that had sprung to his eyes; her face became the picture of concern. Slowly, the realisation came upon her, she ducked her head. �You�ve decided, haven�t you?�
�Yeah.�
�Well?�
�I�June�I want to be with you, no matter what happens. Nothing is going to change my mind on that. I want to be with you�I want to be with you because I love you with all my heart. And�� He dropped the picnic basket to the ground, then slowly, bent down onto one knee.
�Jim, I�I don�t think this is a good time�maybe��
�No, no maybes, no waits, none of that�June, don�t let me change my mind again�� He reached for her hands. �June, I don�t deserve your forgiveness or your love but you�ve given me both. I don�t just love you, June, I adore you. We both know that the future is an uncharted path and anything might happen, but�if we can be together�June Ackland�I�m asking you to marry me.�
�Jim�I don�t��
�Please.� There were those eyes, those huge puppy-dog eyes she loved. She�d seen this before, but this time it was real, he was sober for one thing, and she could see that every inch of his soul meant what he was saying. �June�please��
***
6:19pm
�Do you have any idea what�s going on?� Polly asked Tony Stamp, who had just wandered into the restaurant looking as lost and confused as she was. It appeared that they had all received a text message earlier that afternoon inviting them to a meal at the Canley Towers Restaurant at 6:30pm.
Already here were Samantha Nixon, Reg Hollis and, astoundingly, Gina Gold. It was quite an eclectic gathering.
�No. All I can think is�.no.�
�Oh, god I hope it�s not�� Polly looked worried for a moment, and then shook her head. �No, I refuse to even think that.�
�Think what?�
�Nothin�. Let�s go and sit down, eh?�
***
They were seated at a table for seven, Jim and June arriving a little late and apologising for their tardiness. Drinks and meals were ordered, and then an awkward silence fell over the gathering.
�Well�� June flickered a glance toward Jim. �I suppose you�re wondering why we�ve asked you all here.�
�In a nutshell, yes.� Gina sipped at her lager and lime. �And more specifically, I�d like to know what I�m doing here.�
June smiled slightly. �All will become clear. Well, as some of you�well, two of you know, I�ve been�well, I went to the doctors yesterday and he found�a breast lump.� Sam and Polly nodded knowingly, while the others looked aghast and offered their sympathies.
�I had the tests done, and got the results today. I�� She looked up at Jim once more for assurance. �I�I�m OK. It was just a cyst.�
Polly clapped her hand to her mouth and looked like she was going to cry or be sick, while the others smiled and sighed with relief.
After the initial hubbub had died down, Gina piped up: �Is that it?�
�It?� Jim laughed. �What do you mean?�
�Well�I still don�t know why I�m here!�
June sighed, smiled, looked at the Inspector. �You�re here so I can keep a promise. Well, after a fashion.�
�What promise?�
�Well�Jim?� She nudged Jim, and he rolled his eyes good-naturedly.
�My go, eh? Well�the promise was that if we had an announcement to make, you would be the first to hear it.�
�What annou�oh no, you�re not��
�June and I are getting married.�
�What!� Polly leapt up from her seat, grinning from ear to ear. She gathered June into a hug, and then did the same with Jim. �You two! I told ya!�
Reg, Gina and Sam offered their congratulations, as did Tony, albeit grudgingly. �Well done mate.� He nodded. Then he shrugged and offered his hand for Jim to shake.
�Thank you.� Jim put his arm around June and pulled her close into him. �And don�t worry � I�ll look after her.�
***
9:12pm
�We�re going to be the talk of the nick again.� Jim helped June into her light brown jacket, before shrugging into his own.
�Yes, for about a day, then they�ll move onto something else�just like before.� June placed her hand on his chest, moved in close enough that their bodies were touching.
�Until the big day that is. I�m assuming you want the works?�
�I�m not bothered. I�m really not. Let�s think about that later.� She touched his face, met his eyes. �Right now, I just want to know��
�What?� He smiled down at her, his expression full of intense curiosity.
�I want to know if you can still see into the future.�
�I�m not sure, but I think I know what you�re thinking.�
�And what�s that?�
�Well, if you�re thinking what I�m thinking, the answer is yes.� He lowered his head to hers. �Take me home, Sergeant Ackland.� Their lips met, and for the first time in too long, they kissed. This time there was no pulling away, no doubt, no fear. Their kiss become hungry, passionate, all sense of where they were was gone, all they knew was each other and happiness and lust and bliss�
Until�
�Oh � pleaaaaase!� Gina groaned.
They moved apart, looked over and up and Gina who was smiling down at them. June flushed and buried his head in Jim�s chest. Jim hugged her close and laughed. For the first time in over twenty years, he was happy, content�and not frightened any more.
THE END