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My Journal...
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June 7, 2003. Well here it is. My first journal entry...I suppose I had better make it a goody. I am feeling good about making this website. I am sure that it will develop as I hope, and I hope it is beneficial and inspirational to anyone who may read it. Today has been an average day so far. Nothing too exciting to report. I am getting tired of eating crap. I think that the binge related to stress at work is finally coming to an end. Not before time too I should think. I have gained about 4 kilo's in the past two months just through comfort eating. I am never full. I have never wanted to eat so much rubbish in all my life. I am thankful that we don't have any drive through fast food available as I would be living there!! I am getting very excited about my holiday to Victoria. It will be great to see everyone, though I am dreading the comments about my weight. It is very obvious that I have gained since Christmas, though my clothes still fit. Speaking of which, I am particularly befuddled by the clothing industry at the moment. After returning from a fabulous holiday at Christmas I was ecstatic upon my return home to find I had lost two dress sizes. I had no mirror on holidays and my clothes that left behind were kinda baggy and loose fitting so I believed what the clothes labels said. It wasn't until about two months ago when I was doing ironing that I realised that the measurements for the clothes were the same on my old size 22 pants as they were on my new size 18's! I was so angry to find this. It tore every thread of hope that I COULD lose weight and keep it off naturally. It totally confirmed the decision to have WLS which I had made before going on holidays. The other exciting matter at hand on my holidays is that I will have my first official consultation with Mr. Paul Dumbrell. The surgeon who will hopefully going to perform my surgery. I see him on 27th June. I can't wait. Oh well, till next time. 13 June Well, I have been racking my brains trying to get this site up and running. For some reason the html coding won't transfer easily for my original theme buttons etc, so I am hoping this will work better now. I am getting very excited now, only one week till we leave for hols and two weeks till my appointment. WOOHOO. Mum and Dad and my sister in law to be have finally read my story and are very supportive which is great. I have to admit that I was a bit worried about the reaction to my unconventional choice, but what the hey. Life has to start sometime and mine has gone into the pregnancy stage - before my 'rebirth' - the banding. Nothing much else to report I guess. Like I said the major focus for me has been to try and get this site happening. Fingers crossed it will work this time... 16 June Well, Trying to get this site the way I want it is fun!LOL I am getting my way around html slowly but surely. I much prefer this now than the way it was originally. I have been looking in some catalogues lately, and found some clothes I would love to wear on the "otherside". I have been debating whether to purchase them in a size 14 or not - one pair jeans, and one blouse. My hubby thinks yes, but I wonder if I should wait until after I see a surgeon, just to make sure I get accepted for my procedure. I think that would be one of my worst fears at the moment, not getting accepted. But like a few people of told me, I 'll just keep plugging away until I find someone who will... Had a good day today. I have been packing up the house ready to move on. We are not sure where we are moving to as yet - it just depends on the job situation. It will all work out in the end.:O) Really looking forward to holidays. My little girl is very excited and raring to get into a fairy shop. Too cute. Till next time...... 26 June One sleep to go! I have my appointment with Mr Dumbrell tomorrow. I am very nervous, but very excited all at the same time. I am trying to think of things to ask but feel comfortable with what I know and can't really think of anything...I will go to the forum and get some ideas. I am supposed to go to Traralgon on the 1st, but it is a terrifically long drive, so I might cancel. Its only a year after all. Holidays are going well. Spent heaps of money. Now own some cowboy boots! YAY Till next time. 12 July Whoops. A bit of a delay in this 2 August Wow! Its been a while since my last entry here. I know I said I would try and do it daily, but that just hasn't happened. And for good reason. I am 9weeks pregnant! I am also dreadfully sick at the moment because of this pregnancy. It makes it hard to even think about using a computer let alone physically doing it. We are all very happy and excited about this news. It will mean delays in the surgery for my band, but I think that its ok under these circumstances don't you??? I think it may be a girl as the sickness is very similar to that of my first pregnancy. Who knows, all I can do is guess. I am currently relief teaching, and have gained back a lot of confidence in my abilities as a teacher. It has been nice. I went out bush to a small school for two days this past week. It was so wonderful, an inspiration. It was hard with vomiting all day long, but I made it through ok. My little girl is really excited about the new baby coming. She is always talking about it and wants a boy, a brother and a girl. Its so cute to hear her indecisiveness. :) 29 August Well a few more weeks have passed me by. I have been in and out of hospital for the past four weeks with constant vomitting causing dehydration. I have been placed on a drip three times now, but am slowly coming good with medication. I still vomit occasionally though. The doctor is suspicious that I may be having twins due to the fact that I am still vomiting whilst having medication three times daily.
I am due for an ultra sound to investigate this possibility next week.
I have been working out bush again for the past two weeks and that has been rather fantastic. Somehting has brought my blood pressure up though so I had better take easy or else! Thats what the nurse said to me today. It was probably due to the fact that every time I see them they make me step on the scale, not knowing the damage that is doing to me mentally!
Anyway, I am in cheery spirits, though a little tired and certainly a little worked up, I can feel my heart fluttering a lot lately...
Till next time. 4 October My oh my, I guess I am regularly journalling once a month!Ha! Things are getting hectic here. I am having trouble getting back to work this term, I would like to be back before Christmas. My hubby has been made redundant and so we now have a minimal income and have to decide what we want to do. DO we want to continue paying maximum rent in a stinky little town with nothing really to offer us now we are not working or would we like to spread our wings and see what the world has to offer us...The latter option is looking really good.
Baby is developing well. There is only one. My sickness is slowly subsiding and I am now only being physically sick once or twice a week. 17 !/2 weeks pregnant now. I can feel baby moving around all the time now too which is special. We are off to Alice Springs for another scan next week. We have a little under a week to decide if we want to know the sex. I don't think I do but I think hubby does. 2 November Well its been an action packed month. We have moved way out west in the middle of the desert and are happy! Great work place with happy people for a nice change. Not much else is happening, just plodding along, being pregnant and biding my time. When school breaks for Christmas I will make some connections with Mr Dumbrells office to clear up some questions and ideas I have about surgery after the baby. I have the idea to do it in the mid year break next year, with the whole family travelling down. That would give the new baby and my body time to settle down a bit. Hopefully this will be ok and I won't have to wait anymore after that. I am getting excited now as it is getting closer and closer every minute! Yay. Cheers till next time.. 12 January 2004 Wow! What a hectic couple of months it has been. Baby is due in 4 weeks. We are both well, though I am getting the inkling that the bub may be along a little earlier than expected. I am currently in Victoria as the airstrip was closed down for three months where we live. That would mean no flying doctor, so the clinic had me evacuate as soon as I returned home from my Christmas holidays! 5 June 2004 Well, 6 months is kind of long for an entry into a journal. I haven't been game enough to update my site as I can only use a work computer. I figured out that know one can track to my site as long as I don't look at it directly. Going through this process of updating is untrackable as you need a password to get in. 16 July 2004 Its done, its finally done. I had my surgery on the 30 th of June and I still can't believe that its real. I went to Darwin as planned, on the 19th and shopped till I couldn't shop anymore. I had all of my appointments, which all went amazingly well and then before I knew it I was waking up in recovery. I was very fortunate to have another bander in my room with me, and even having the op the same morning as me. We got on quite well and I am thankful that I had Eva and her partner Daryl to keep me company. The hardest part of the whole process was not having my husband and kids close by. I really did miss sharing my excitement with them. I was very surprised at the way the pain works after the op. I was expecting a lot of pain from the wounds - like a caesarian section I guess, but the pain I had was that of the gas that is pumped into the stomach cavity to aid in the vision of internal organs. This was a really horrible pain that lasted about a week. I was in hospital from Wednesday morning until Sunday lunch time. I am really surprised at my lack of hunger while on fluids and have only felt hungry twice in two and a half weeks! 22 August 2004 yay 12 kg down and going strong...I am officially in size 18 pants now! I can't believe it. I haven't even had a fill. I am getting excited about the possibilities now and can see and feel the difference. I am feeling so good in my head too. knowing that the kgs aren't coming back frees up so much space in my head. I am a much happier person to be around because I am not monitoring my food intake or my emotions. I have started walking every night for between 40mins to an hour, with a few friends . it has been lovely. The big issue I face now is what to do with the new clothes that I bought that are now too big. Some I haven't even worn and they still have the tags on! off for a walk now. Will post new measurements later tonight.
Cheers 3 October 2004 WOOHOO!!! 15kg down. I can't believe it. I have been wavering around that 15kg mark up and down a bit, but am officially calling it 15kg today. I had my first fill on 28 Sept. - 2mls It has made a difference to my ability to eat dry meat and fresh bread especially. I am so pleased with it all. My head is finally free. I can't believe that I have free thinking time now and am not forced to think about food and weight loss in a negative way all of the time. I am really surprised at my lack of hunger and how quickly I get full, even before my fill. I was also surprised at how much I could eat sometimes. I have really started to notice the impact of eating slowly and thinking about being full. It makes a great difference to the total I might consume. So far i can not recommend this procedure highly enough.
I am full after one weetbix!
Cheers till next time. 7 November 2004 Well, it is officially noticable now. Over the past two weeks the comments have been coming thick and fast. The kids at school are all commenting and even saying I am skinny! (I personnally wouldn't go that far yet, but it is nice.) I started using a pedometer yesterday and want to get to 10000 steps each day. Yesterday for my trial of how much I walk naturally, without my "exercise" I got to 9504, including a bit of a jig at the blue light disco with my daughter. Not too bad. Today is a different day, and so far just with my housework etc I have already clocked up 6272 steps. I will go and walk as much as I can till night falls once hubby comes home from work. At this very moment I am amazed because I am childless so to speak. All three have gone to sleep at the same time so it will give me a chance to work on my site a bit. I am trying to find the 'right' background and accessories to redo my site. Friends of mine that are rather good at this sort of stuff showed me how using a different browser, plus a newer computer with higher/larger settings makes everything on my site go a bit crazy. I am trying to re do it with Dreamweaver which I am learning to use. My background here is beaut, but the size of the butterfly border is limiting for my page layouts.
Anyway, till next time.... 13 January 2005 YAY, and Happy New Year. Here I am still not with my new site finished but not to worry. Its been a while since I have had the chance to update and I haven't measured myself or taken pictures as planned. I am getting on to that straight away and will make it my new years resolution to keep on track with it.
As far as my weightloss and op are concerned I have been doing really well. I have lost more than half of my target amount now. The loss has slowed dramatically because of the festive season. Too much energy in and not enough output! I haven't gained though and that is the main thing. The silly thing is though, that even though I know exactly what the problem is I am still getting peeved that the darn scale isn't moving. I can't wait to settle in Sydney and get the exercise routine started. Here I am a bit limited by the baby and no pram, no walking is happening. I am now a size 16 and am getting into a few differnt 14's in pants! I can't believe it. It is so nice to hear peoples comments.
A strange thing is happening though and it is in my head. I have seen recent photos of myself - in my size 14 pants and 16 top and can't really see a difference! I don't like feeling like this as it has made me a little upset. When I look in the mirror in my clothes I can see but not so much in the photos.
I feel great energy wise and know how much I can do now that I was never able to do before.
Anyway, everyone has and is noticing the change so I know its real.
I have been feeling extremely bloated when I eat carbs - rice, bread, bikkies, spuds etc and I have even felt a huge lack of energy. Its horrible and I think I need to get a bit more dedicated to a low carb program. Anyway stay tuned for more recent updates coming soon, and even some photos if I can figure out how to use dad's scanner. 24 May 2005 Wow, this journal online thing hasn't worked out as well as I had hoped. Anyway, I think about it all the time. I have only in the last 4 weeks moved into my own place(with my family of course).We have moved to Sydney and found it a little tricky to get a house. We were living with relatives for the time we were here(4 days after last post)until 4 weeks ago, so it made it very difficult to get online and update as I had hoped.
Well, down to a 12/14 pants now and 14/16 top! I can't believe that I am actually a normal size. I actually surprised myself the other day. I saw my reflection in the window of a store and didn't realise it was me!! How nice is that?
I feel so much better, it is truly the best thing that I could have done. I am at my doctors goal weight at the moment - 80 kg. I haven't been that diligent with my choice in foods, I guess the stress of moving took its toll. I have gotten myself back on track today. Am keeping a food diary, trying to exercise everyday, and tracking myself on www.fitday.com
Just by tracking today I have seen an enormous fall out in what I ate just yesterday, so i shudder to think about the past few months. Luckily I kept my weight kinda steady, fluctuating a kg or two but not really gaining.
I feel really good about taking charge again. I got into the habit of making bad food choices - biscuits instead of fruit, anything easy instead of healthy.
Funnily enough though, my head is really ok. I know what was happening and haven't beaten myself up over it, just taking charge again. Its really great to know that I am healing in more than one way.
I hope to get fit and trim by summer. Its only a few weeks from my bandiversary so another couple of kg down would be great for that!
I have been putting a lot of time into the kids and scrapbooking. I hope to be able to make time for getting my new site up and running. It would be nice if I could do that by my bandiversary...
29 April 2006 Well, Here I am another year later, I guess you might all be wondering if I am at my goal, what size, what weight, what what what???
I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant!!! Not planned so to speak, a little earlier than expected though we were always going to have another one.
We have also returned to the Northern Territory and have been here for almost a year.
As far as the pregnancy goes I have had no complications due to my band thank goodness. I have so far only gained 17kg, which is pretty average for any pregnancy, but my lowest ever gain through out a pregnancy.
I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes a couple of weeks ago and am trying to keep that under control with diet, no insulin yet. I am going to have a caesarean section due to previous complications and 2 previous caesers. I was due to be delivered on the 8th but the docs want to keep baby in for as long as possible now due to the diabetes - apparently baby lungs don't mature as readily in this circumstance. So now, unless baby comes of its own accord I will be delivered on the 15th May.
I haven't gained heaps in size, though I am definitely pregnant. I am still wearing some of the clothes in my photo page so thats good for me. i am determined to shed as much as I can for the new year though. My surgeon said that I can have a fill at 6 weeks post birth, which I desperately need! I have not really go any restriction and didn;t have before becoming pregnant. I had gained 5 kilos before discovering the pregnancy and was really ready for a fill. My doctor offered a small one if I wanted but I chose not to.
I think I am probably a size 16 now, and hopefully it wont take long to get back to the 12's and 14's and then perhaps a 10!!!
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