By
Chieh Wu
Why some women always seem to attract bad men?
To the chagrin of many feminists, I must
say that men do not cause the majority of the suffering in women’s life. But rather it is women’s personal weakness,
selfishness, ignorance, pride, and immaturity that gave them so much grief.
Now, please don’t get me wrong, because this essay is not about women bashing.
I personally have a high regard for women and how much more they have to go
through than us men. This essay is simply rather a discussion of why some women always seem to end up with
the wrong guy.
The answer is actually pretty simple,
they have a low self-esteem and they don’t think they deserve the right guy.
Let me explain the mechanism. When a woman is treated out side of her
expectation, this scares her. Women treat others all depends on her personal
expectation. If some one treats her nicely, she would reply with equal
kindness. But problem arises when some one treat her better than what she expects. Now we are in a different ball game.
She is all of the sudden thrown into unfamiliar territory. Doubts and fear
fills her mind and she is no longer sure if she could reply with the same
kindness. That gives her a lot of pressure, she’s afraid that she can’t live up
to the expectations. She feels that she would need to sacrifice a part of her
to maintain a relationship of such. And if she messed up?
This would mean being rejected by the right man. This would mean losing love
from the potential love of her life. This would mean all the pain and suffering
that she just can’t handle. So out of
fear, they chose the safe way out, men that won’t treat them outside of their
expectations.
Plus for a lot of people, the idea that
some one would have an undying love for you and yet they have no chance with
you could be such an enticing idea for the pride. Little do they realize that
it is exactly the fact that they believe in these ideas that confines them in
such a world. And for they are confined in these
ideals, they permit the same selfish acts upon themselves.
The combination of this fear with
excessive pride is even worse. They not only choose the wrong men, they stay
with them thinking they could conquer/change them. They want the wrong men to
treat them the right way. It doesn’t work that way.
Off course women stay with the wrong man
for many other reasons: financial, children, etc. But it all roots itself in
the fear that they would be worse off if they make the change. They don’t feel
that they could do better nor do they feel that they deserve better. All humans
are afraid of changes, not just women. This is fear has its biological reasons,
but it is complete detrimental in relationships. If fear is the only reason you
are staying with someone, isn’t that an indication that something is wrong with
the relationship?
It is simply a cycle for many women.
They meet a guy and things would be great for a while, until she finds the “flaws.”
But due to her pride she somehow thinks that she could miraculously change her man
into the prince charming she always imagines. That puts pressure on the guy and
it rarely works. In the end, out of heartbreak they finally give up on that man
and try to move on. Little do they realize that the next man they end up with
is actually the same man with a different face, and the cycle repeats.
Part II Advice for women
Women, if you see a lot of these
symptoms it is never too late to change. Yes you have made mistakes in the past
but who hasn’t?
First you will have to accept the idea
that things are not working and a change is needed. No one can convince you of
this except you. You must personally want
to stop the cycle. Second, you need to
stop blaming everyone and everything. You must realize that you are responsible
for your life and your happiness. You
may have been the victim of horrible acts in the past; none of this is any
reason to stop you from taking responsibility that’s yours. Third, define
exactly what is the cause and byproduct of your problems and remove them
without any hesitation. If you hesitation, you won’t let them go. And finally,
concentrate on people/place/and things that make you happy and put all your
efforts in develop them. You will one day wake up and be truly happy.
Lastly, you must realize that happiness
comes from within you. You can be poor and ugly, and still be happy. Or you can
be rich and beautiful and still be miserable and have a low self-esteem. It is
not external factors, but the way you interpret them. I hope you find
happiness.
Part III Advice for men
Men,
if you are currently in a relationship with someone with these problems in the
past, you have three choices, good, bad, and crazy. For my advice, a good decision would be to
give up a romantic relationship with her because she is simply not mature
enough for greater love, and it is not fair to you to just wait until the day
she changes. She can’t understand it.
A definite bad choice would be staying
with her hoping that she would change. You will save yourself a lot of trouble if
you give up your own fear and move on.
Now the final crazy choice is what Jesus
would do, to give her unconditional love. This is different from staying in a
relationship hoping things would change because your final goal is not her but
her happiness. You no longer see her as a potential mate, but rather another
human being. And you sincerely would give your utmost power to see her truly
happy. You must give up your needs, wants and desires. This would become your
life style, and you would treat anyone this way. Your pain no longer matters
because you would carry the pain of all that surrounds you. You are probably
thinking, “the hell with that.” All I can say is that it is a fulfilling
lifestyle but I do not recommend it unless you are ready to give up all your
needs for others.