D.O.B.:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT:
FAVORITE HOLIDAY: New Years Day
RANK:
CURRENTLY HOLDS THE TITLE OF
INTER-CONTINENTAL CHAMPION
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN - No, I...Don't mind. As long as you are prepared, to, have me, call you, my Father. (Laughs while pointing)
JC.com - Ha, That's great Chris. Anyway...Tell us how you've been training for this upcoming match to defend your title of Inter-Continental Champion and the pressures you might be feeling?
C.W. - Ya know, it's very odd. I've tryed not to think about the pressures, that, directly relate, to the match and, what's at stake, here. I'm not sure if, I even approve of you, bringing it up.
JC.com - Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Walken...I had no idea...
C.W. - It's alright, I'm joking. Ya know, like your parents, on Christmas, when they told you that Santa most have forgotten you. And, that they still loved you anyway.
JC.com - O.k., I'm not quite sure what to think of that, but, let's move on. Tell me, you're a strong Cactus Wrestler, where do you pull your inspiration from?
C.W. - (Leans forward in chair) Once, I was visiting friends in Jersey, and, we stopped by a zoo. I saw, an African Pigmee Squirrel, doing a dance. It was eating small, chick-peas from a dish. I felt bad. Imagine, eating, the same chick-peas, that had been out in the sun for hours, on end. So, I offered the little guy, some of my ranch-flavored Corn Nuts, that I had purchased, at a fuel station, about 4 miles up the road, from the zoo. The squirrel, was at first frightened,but, could sense, that everything was safe. Like, Myself, and, Johnny Depp in Sleepy Hollow.
JC.com - What about you and Johnny Depp? I'm not sure I follow.
C.W. - Think of it as, a turning point, for mankind, and Mother nature. We, felt, a connection, in that, we both could understand the oppression that is inflicted, upon us, in modern day society. Sometimes, we just need to, lash out, revolt, if you will.
JC.com - (F.U.B.A.R. and shaking head) Oh, I think I'm following you. Wait, no, not really. Well, how about your future in Cactus Wrestling. Where do you see yourself in, say, 10 years?
C.W. - Where do I see myself in 10 years? I, can only hope, to be doing what I love best.
JC.com - Yes, that's right, forgive me for not commenting on your acting career sooner...
C.W. - Well, actually, I was thinking of my, childhood dream of, becoming a CEO, of a Cotton-Swab Manufacturing Facility in Deluth. I'd make cotton-swabs there. Like that of the brand-named Q-Tip.
JC.com - Q-Tips? You want to make, Q-Tips?
C.W. - Well, no, you see, Q-Tip is a brand name, for a cotton-swab. I couldn't manufacture Q-Tips in my facility, that would be an infringment on patents. I would be manufacturing cotton-swabs.
JC.com - And, did you already have a name in mind for your own line of cotton-swabs?
C.W. - I've talked to Disney and we will have a line of Pooh Bear's Christopher Swabbin's.
JC.com - Well, thank you for all of your time Chris. We really need to end this.
C.W. - It was my pleasure. I look forward to sending you some of my cotton-swabs via FED-Ex. Ya know, that UPS isn't all that. They're very bad.
