We got together tonight like every Thursday. And like every Thursday I had a lot of fun. My mood changes suddenly and even me I get surprised.
Martha cooked gnoquis and I bought two bottles of wine. (I drank one and a half). Ale wanted to smoke some marijuana but I didn't feel like. I was afraid it would make me feel blue and I didn't want to spoil my unexpected but wonderful good mood.
Josefina broke up with her bf but none of us wanted to talk about it, not even mention it. (Like it could remind us our past and painful stories). She was quiet and there was something in her eyes..but she pretends very well. (I admire her for that).
Then Martha danced flamenco and made some jokes about my sense of humor. (She says I'm "acid")...(I believe she is damn right)
It was so hot that we were all sweating (maybe it was the wine). The balcony was a good option and the wind was a blessing.
We are planning a trip together next Easters...but I shouldn't get too enthusiastic about it if I wanna save money for the visa stuff. I did not say anything about it though. (what I was thinking about?)
It started raining some minutes later. It was so wonderful..the sound and the smell of the rain fallin'.
I closed my eyes and tried to captured the magic of the moment. Then I found the answer to Oki's earlier question. ("why do you want to die?").
And I changed the question to.."why do you want to live?"...then it was all clear for me.
I want to live for the rain falling and for the amazing sensation when you close your eyes and feel it. For every
moment like that..For the people who love me and for all the people I love and will love someday.
I have learned something important today. I have a million more reasons for living than dying.
The unexpected rain taught me that.
feb 13 - 2 am